Monday, January 7, 2013

WrestlingNerd Presents: WWE Raw 1/7/13 Review (Boxing with God sounds dangerous)

What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at WWE Raw 1/7/13. With big things set for tonight's show, was the show worthwhile? Let's find out and begin. 

Match #1: John Cena vs Dolph Ziggler
We open up the show with John Cena. After we get a clip of Dolph and AJ swimming in a pool of melted Snicker bars, Cena talks about the Royal Rumble match until Dolph, AJ and Big E interrupt. We get a series of really bad wiener/poop jokes. Ah, the John Cena special. When in doubt, dive into a children's joke book. Dolph announces that he will be entering the RR match and vows to win. Cena wants to fight Dolph, but Dolph doesn't seem interested. Hey, would you be interested in fighting somebody who's best comeback involves wieners? Big E ends up taking the mic and agrees to the match. So, Big E speaks for Dolph? Well, that's nice to know. What we get here is a great match to open up the action. Seriously, this was on par with their ladder match at TLC. Of course, something tells me the internet is gonna rage since Dolph literally threw everything at Cena and the man still manages to kick out before three. John Cena: The man who craps out Phoenix Downs, but only uses them on himself. I know people will argue that Dolph should've won the match. While I admit that it gets a little ridiculous when Big E hits Cena with his finisher and it still doesn't keep him down. At the same time, the match entertained me enough to not throw a fit over who won a free television match. Sometimes, I just see things differently compared to others. 

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

Match #2: Eve vs Kaitlyn; Divas Championship
Eve shows her moxie by….simply running away. That'll show her!!! Eve was running away from the fight so she could keep her title. Well, that's one way to do a title defense. I really hope we see a new Divas Champ soon. Nothing against Ever herself, but I just don't care for her divas title reign. 

Winner via countout: Kaitlyn (Eve is still Divas Champ)

Match #3: Team Hell No vs Rhodes Scholars
After tonight, you won't be playing air guitar. You'll be playing the harp? What the f*** does that even mean? I think what he was trying to say is he will end up killing Slater at the end of the day, but it still sounds kinda dumb. If you don't do what I say…..drink Mountain Dew. See, sounds stupid, doesn't it? In a fair match, Cody hits the Cross Rhodes on Daniel Bryan for the victory. With the victory, it gives Rhodes Scholars something to hold them over as they prep for a possible title match. 

Winner via pinfall: Rhodes Scholars

Match #4: Randy Orton vs Heath Slater
Just as Randy "predicted", Slater is now playing the harp for his own funeral. After the match, Randy takes out Jinder and McIntyre. I guess we gotta get two more harps, right? BOOOOO!!!

Winner via bad writing: Randy Orton

Match #5: Wade Barrett vs Santino
Earlier in the evening, Wade insulted Santino and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. Apparently, Wade thinks Ricky is an old man blowing smoke. Well, it sounds better than an old man farting out smoke. Santino gets encouragement from Ricky, but not even the Hall of Famer could make Santino a threat. Wade wins with the Bull Hammer. Now we begin the mid-card reign where the guy picks up countless victories over scrubs. The mid-card speciality. Hopefully, Wade gets a rivalry very soon. 

Winner via pinfall: Wade Barrett

Geeze, now Sheamus is making fun of 3MB? That's almost as bad as Randy's insult…..No, no it isn't. I apologize for that miscalculation. 

Match #6: Antonio Cesaro vs Khali
Not to be braggadocios or anything, but I found it funny how I mentioned how Miz/Antonio wouldn't be a bad idea for a rivalry and look what we get. Miz is on commentary for this match, which gives foreshadowing for that possible feud. I was a little surprised by that, but it's amazing how I get these things right from time to time. If you don't believe me, check the link and look under the Antonio/Slaughter match….

Antonio beats Khali with the Neutralizer. It was just a match to show Antonio's dominance and nothing more. I think the Antonio/Miz feud should be at least interesting to check out. 

Winner via pinfall: Antonio Cesaro

Match #7: Sheamus vs Jinder Mahal
Cut and paste the Randy match from earlier and there you go. Screw your harp. I'll play the trumpet so I can play taps. Yeah, it still sounds stupid. 

Winner via pinfall: Sheamus

Match #8: CM Punk vs Ryback; TLC match for WWE Championship
I think with all things considered, this was a pretty good match. Sure, it wasn't what I would call a wrestling match, but it was entertaining. Lots of high spots, close calls, and fun to witness. Still, I found it funny how Ryback tackled himself through a table. I know he was trying to get Punk, but Punk wasn't even standing in front of the thing. He must've thought of Punk as a Bull Fighter. Ryback is about to win the title, but the lights go off….

Naw, I'm just f***ing with you. It turns out to be the Shield and they take out Ryback. Punk is able to pick himself back up and wins the match. So, it appears we will have Punk/Rock at the RR. With all things considered, this was the best way to go. Punk has had a long championship reign and it needs to continue. In fact, I don't think Punk should lose his title until WrestleMania, but I'll save that argument for another day. I'm also gonna save theories on Punk/Rock for down the road. There will be plenty of time to talk about the actual match.

Winner and still WWE Champion: CM Punk

Match #9: Big Show vs Kofi Kingston
Dr. Shelby will be back next week to evaluate Team Hell No? YES!!! I'm actually looking forward to this. They really were my favorite storyline in 2012. These two simply produced comedy gold. Speaking of which, the Bugs Bunny gag these two pulled was hilarious. Just some good stuff to watch. I freakin' love this. Instead of the referee controlling Show, he wants to put some distance since Kofi is a little too crazy. Yeah, cuz Kofi is a menace to society when he's attacking GIANT MEN. During this whole thing, Show sneaks in the KO punch and wins the match. This match made me laugh because of how ridiculous it was. I'm seriously not even mad. I don't know what I've enjoyed more. Randy's lame insults or the referee holding back a paperweight against a giant. 

Winner via referee: Big Show

CM Punk comes out and talks about the RR match with the Rock. I'm not gonna go into detail on what Punk or the Rock talked about. If you want to know what they talked about, watch it for yourself. Trust me, that's the best thing you could do. Both promos were amazing. This match was something I really wasn't that hyped up for, but after tonight, Punk and Rock have persuaded me to be involved with this match. They built this up very well. Punk went with the serious approach, while the Rock was comedic in his own right, but got serious when he needed to. I mean, cookie puss? Was that the best you could come up with? Regardless, it worked because Punk had an answer for every one of Rocky's opinions.  I liked this segment because it sold the match for any wrestling fan out there. If you're a casual fan, Rocky set it up perfectly for you. If you're a hardcore fan, I think Punk sold it for you. And when you mix the two together, I think it sells it for just about everyone. Seriously, your arms are too short to box with God? That line was said amazingly. I think that one will be around for a while. From top to bottom, Punk and Rocky set this match up perfectly. I cannot wait until RR. If you haven't seen the promo yet, what the hell is the matter with you? Go watch it NOW!!!

Overall Impression:
I know people will harp about how amazing the ending was and the final segment is what made this a worthwhile episode. I definitely cannot argue that point, but the show also featured some other great stuff. The opening match between Dolph/Cena was a great way to kick off the show. While the show had some throwaway matches, the TLC match was at least enjoyable. The show has plenty of those good and strange comedy elements. I may have joked a little too much over Randy's one-liner, but I simply enjoyed it for just how ridiculous it was. At the end of the day, I'm just here to have a good time. Tonight's Raw definitely kept me very entertained and I seriously recommend you check out this episode. I think they kicked off the build to the RR PPV very well and probably convinced people that were hesitant on the PPV. Well, that's gonna do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. The voting for the Best and Worst of 2012 is over. I will be releasing the results, as well as my own personal thoughts, all this month for January. Check in on Sundays to see the multi-parter. Tell me what you thought about tonight's show or the review. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.  


  1. Quite a mix bag with this one if you look at it from a wrestling standpoint and a entertainment standpoint. You got potential feuds in the works (tag, diva, US, and WWE title) and RR hype. But then you got guys who will take forever to get to the top (Barrett and Kingston).

    At least the TLC match and promos of Punk and Rock were worth it. I wonder if the guys Punk mentioned will get a short bump only to fizzle out (like Ryder). And I was wrong once again with predicting the Shield would attack the Rock tonight.

    On a humorous note, imagine the shock if Undertaker was the one who cost Ryback the match after the lights went out.

  2. What did you expect when it came to the ending promos? Punk is basically this era's Rock when it comes to delivering some of the best promos that any wrestler can. I mean who else on any wrestling roster, past or present, can you think of that could say the boxing with god line and it still be that chilling and powerful? Also, it felt like the crowd didn't really think "cookie puss" was all that good either since maybe a handful of them sounded like they were chanting it. All in all I think the thing I am most excited about is that we have three more weeks of these two giving more exciting promos. I can't wait.

    1. I think it's because the chant was called 'cookie puss'. I'm sorry, but when you have to explain the joke on twitter or whatever, you know it wasn't the best you could come up with.

  3. Cookie puss is retarded but I agree with guy above you have to be stoked for this. Maybe the two greatest promo artists of all time and of course rybacks dumb ass wouldn't work because he only speaks in vowels. However I don't believe this is really the same rock as we saw in the 90s or even 2004 and I'm sure he will get his one liners in but I expect punk to own him for the most part. Big fan wrestlingnerd, I wish I could put you in charge of creative in Stamford. I think the best thing we can all hope for is that tna becomes a real threat and gives wwe something to worry about. Im not crazy about the attitude era but it seems like wwe refuses to think outside the box these days

    1. Haha....I get this one a lot. For some reason, I just don't have any interest to be a creative writer in the wrestling department. It just doesn't strike my interest for some reason. Plus, I take more pride in being a lazy reviewer lol. But I appreciate the kind words.

  4. Question wrestlingnerd if undertaker comes back to make it 21 at wm, who would you like to see him face? Rock? Lesnar? Punk maybe would be cool

    1. Undertaker needs a last match to solidify his ending to WWE. Two people helped make his career, Mankind (Not doing the same tired Mick Foley) and his brother Kane. While Mick has grown fat and tired, Kane is still the big red monster he has always been. Kane also needs to retire in a big way. I think Kane and The Undertaker has had some of the most memorable moments in WWE history. The history behind would easily make this match a watcher. Finally, there is a wide variety of gimmicks you can use for this match, but I strongly advise a coffin match or inferno match. I believe the ending to Undertaker's career should be at Wrestlemania not RAW. Undertaker should have his goodbyes the RAW before Wrestlemania and let the match conclude his career in solitude he wants.

    2. I think for this year's WM, Undertaker vs Brock makes the most sense. At the same time, they could easily save up something like that until next year, but it might be better to do it this year. Undertaker/Rock doesn't really spark my interest for some reason. I'm sure with proper development that it would be worth checking out, but it doesn't leap out at me for some reason. I'm really not sure as to why that's the case. Undertaker/Punk does sound a little more interesting. I can see the development for that match be off the charts if they let them go all out. I think as of right now, Taker/Brock is the best way to go. It really has a big match feel to it.

  5. "You might be ready to deliver your victory song, but you'll be singing a different tune when I'm done with you."

    It may not be much but at least it's better than Randy telling Heath that he'll be playing the harp.