What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 1/24/13. After last week's wedding bomb, how does this week fair? Let's find out and start the review.
We open up the show with Bully Ray's true feelings for the Hulkster. Come on, he's holding his hand during that clip. I understand why they did it, but Bully continues to be a shell of what he used to be. I'm starting to think that the only reason he would marry Brooke Hogan is so he can get close to Hulk. I mean REALLY close to Hulk. And for some reason, TNA thought it was cool to watch Aces and Eights make donuts. You spin me right round, baby, right round. Finally, Tazz and Card Games come out to explain some things. So, am I the only one thinking Tommy Boy when I see Tazz wearing that jacket? Fat guy in a little coat. Anyway, he explains that he wanted to work for a higher power. Yeah, I bet it took TNA a whole two minutes to think of that cliche, but I digress. And to add to the bulls***, Tazz mentions that he can take over the entire company if anyone touches him. That's the flimsy negotiations if you ask me. Then again, I heard Hogan can steal the blood from 100,000 people if TNA breaches his contract. Dixie Carter really doesn't care about the safety of her company if this is a continuing schtick. I really don't understand the point of having Tazz say this line. I just find it to be a waste of time since I doubt this will mean anything moving forward. This was a basic opening….If you want to call it that. As I explained last week, Tazz turning on TNA is amazing….For about five-minutes until you realize that all he can do is talk. Well, I have to be fair. So let's wait and see what else they can dish out with this swerve.
Match #1: Tara vs Velvet Sky; KO Title
Thanks to the ropes and Jesse Douche, Tara is able to retain the title. I love how Velvet doesn't seem to care that she lost the match. Even her blonde-like mind knows this match means nothing with wrestling logic present.
Winner via plastic toys and still KO Champ: Tara
Joseph Park comes out and talks about how he no longer wants to be a lawyer and now wants to be a full-time wrestler. Not really sure how OVW could give somebody the green light after only 3-4 weeks of training, but that's the power of wrestling logic. Joseph is disappointed that he didn't win a few weeks back, but vows he will challenge somebody for Open Fight Night and get the first victory. I'm guessing Joseph has some memory loss since he doesn't seem to remember defeating Bully Ray last year, but does anybody even remember that? Did this Abyss character ever truly exist and is just a figment of our imaginations? It really makes you wonder.
Match #2: RVD and Christian York vs Kenny King and Zema Ion
Did Kenny just seriously call Zema 'Goku'…..
I know how you feel Krillin…..I know how you feel. Kenny steals this match for his team. It seems TNA wants to have two guys get some exposure in the X Division in York and Kenny. I don't have an issue with this. It's better than doing nothing.
Winner via cheating: Kenny King and Zema Ion
Bully and Brooke beg Hogan to reinstate Bully. One thing I haven't mentioned yet is that Tazz is still doing commentary for TNA. During this bit, he leaves to go take a phone call. Either that or Aces and Eights is throwing a pizza party. Can't miss that. Sting comes out to persuade Hogan to bring back the Bully. Hogan is taking time off this week since he really didn't feel obligated to give a f*** about this week's show. I love how Sting says Hogan always goes all the way. That's right, ladies and gentleman. Hogan could've given you a half-way sex tape, but that man always goes the distance. He wanted to make sure he gave you the full sex tape. I know there's the possibility of this entire storyline getting better, but it only seems to be getting worse.
Match #3: Bobby Roode vs Hernandez
I love the backstage scene between Aries and Roode. There's some obvious differences between these guys and Team Hell No, but I get a couple of reminders of what TNA's doing here. I personally don't mind this idea since Roode and Aries have more than enough charisma to do something different and not become complete copycats. Thanks to Aries and his cunning, Bobby steals this match with a Bulldog. One bulldog takes out this guy? Ehh, who cares about Hernandez? After the match, Aries and Bobby argue since both guys clearly had a different agenda. It was pretty funny, but this might've been the most enjoyable thing out of the whole night.
Winner via pinfall: Bobby Roode
Kurt Angle comes out to challenge Mr. Anderson. Yeah, it seems Kurt has completely forgotten his fight against Aces and Eights and is now focused on Anderson. I know somebody will argue that they are both related, but I consider that a stretch. Meanwhile, at the Hall of Dips***s, Anderson is realizing that hookers cannot solve every problem as he freaks out about the cage match he has against Kurt next week. I guess this is the time where I mention how Samoa Joe was bothered by Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco in a backstage scene. So, you work with them for weeks, but NOW you have a problem with them? This is lazy and bad writing. It's a two-for-one deal.
Match #4: Jeff Hardy vs Christopher Daniels; TNA World Title
I love how throughout the night, TNA was building up this match as if it was a big deal. Based on what happened after the match, I really have to wonder the reasoning for hyping it to this extent. The match wasn't bad, but the 'wow' factor is pretty much gone. Then again, I'm not even sure if there was a 'wow' factor to begin with. The finish comes when Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb for the clean victory. After the match, Tazz gets up and talks about how Aces and Eights is gonna take over everything. You know, cuz they've done such a great job overtaking things in the past 5-6 months. As Tazz rambles, a member of Aces and Eights takes out Hardy with a hammer to the back of Hardy's knee. Either that or Hardy wanted to take a seat. Seriously, he barely sells this attack. You are reaching a new level of awful if John Cena manages to out-sell your battle scares. I'm guessing Aces and Eights are starting to put the world champion on notice, but why should I care? This has happened before and it went nowhere. I guess when you fail, try try try try try TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY ONE MORE FLIPPIN' TIME!!! Wait, what just happened?
Winner via pinfall and still World Champion: Jeff Hardy
This was a pretty boring evening of TNA wrestling. The only thing I really enjoyed was the Aries/Roode bit. Other than that, nothing really sticks out. The matches were ehh, and it showed that the Tazz turn isn'g gonna be that big of a move. He adds another voice to the stable, but that's all he does. His surprise turn has already reached its excitement factor. To be fair, Tazz really seemed comfortable cutting those heel promos. Some of the best stuff Tazz's done in years. Then again, what can you compare it to? This was just a bland episode at the end of the day. I know TNA is holding stuff out for the overseas tour, but I would've appreciated a little more effort. I hope things go better in the UK. That's gonna do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.