What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 1/3/13. The date TNA has hyped up for the last month. Was it worth the hype or a bust? Let's find out and start the review.
We open up the show with the reveal of the TNA Wrestler of the Year. It's funny how their top talents are the same guys I had selected in the TNA Wrestler of the year in my current poll. By the way, if you want to be apart of it, vote today. I have no shame in pointless plugs. Jeff Hardy ends up being the winner since Hardy has proven to us that bland, promo cutters can become the best. As you would've thought, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode have a problem with Hardy winning a meaningless trophy. After some arguing, Hardy pitches a triple threat match for Genesis. Hardy ends up standing tall after the brawl. As I thought for the last couple of weeks, we end up getting a triple threat match for the world title. I personally don't have any issues with this since it looks like it could be fun. Meanwhile, Christopher Daniels and Kaz make fun of James Storm since AJ Styles wasn't available. Although, I would like to add that the Storm impression was pretty hilarious. Are you kidding me? They advertised a Hulk Hogan return? He was gone one week. Do you have any shame in advertising this? I think this was Hogan's call since every time TNA shows his photo, he gets $15,000.
Match #1: James Storm vs Kaz
Despite the interference, Storm wins this match with the Last Call. I'm not really big on this rivalry. It just feels lazily put together. Can I start getting paid for this?
Winner via pinfall: James Storm
Oh wow. Did you see the forced innuendo when the slut of the night touched his beer bottle? You're not even trying to hide things. Well, it seems that Mr. Anderson has decided to join Aces and Eights….I think. Anybody remember the days when Anderson used to be cool and people thought he was gonna be something? His career is going further and further in the sewer lines. After a while down there, it really starts to smell. It amazes me how a group of bikers are afraid of a senior citizen. Doc is calling out Sting, but Sting needs to get a cup of pudding, so a baseball bat falls from the ceiling to strike paranoia. You know, if Doc was any smarter, he would drop the stupid mic and us the bat as another weapon. Instead, he just stares at it. Ohhhh shiny!!! We have to wait a while for Sting's return. I understand what they're trying to do here, but it seems kinda stupid to start the segment just to remind people if they've been asleep for the past month.
Match #2: Christian York vs Kid Kash; X Division Tournament
You know, putting this tournament together would've been a really good idea…..about two weeks ago. Instead, let's put it together at the last moment and completely rush it. Yes, because rushing these things is always a great idea. Plus, it seems redundant to even do this tournament since RVD/Kenny King is the current rivalry. York wins the match. How did he win? I could care less since the match was pretty short.
Winner via pinfall: Christian York
Match #3: Hernandez vs Joey Ryan
Chavo talks about being tough, while Hernandez is making bird calls….
You know, part of me wonders if Hernandez gets neck cramps from carrying his championship belt like a dog tag. It was supposed to be Matt Morgan vs Hernandez, but Morgan appears to have an injury. Seconds into the match, Morgan heals his arm with John Cena's Personal Ointment and takes out the tag champs. I wonder how much longer Morgan and Hogan are gonna continue this schtick. Just f*** so you can get it out of your system already. I actually don't mind this tag team rivalry continuing. It isn't great, but at least it adds something to the tag division. Speaking of which, they need to address that for the new year. They could use some more tag teams….
I mean GOOD tag teams.
Winner via DQ: Hernandez
I hate to burst your bubble, but that isn't yoga, Tazz. She was just simply stretching. I think I'm gonna create one more award for the Best and Worst of 2012. Worst commentator of the Year. Your winner in a landslide is Tazz. Although, Mike Tenay really made a run for the award. Time for the daddy/daughter drama as Hulk calls out Bully Ray and Brooke. Bully admits that him and Brooke are together and he takes full responsibility, so now it's time for Hogan to take action. For some reason, Hogan claims that Bully broke the code. What code? The Bro Code?If Hogan's referring to the code that I think he's talking about, then I don't even know what the hell is going on in the Hogan household. Apparently, its some wrestling code or some crap like that. More like wrestling code logic. Hogan ends up suspending Bully indefinitely without pay. So, heel Bully never got suspended and sent children to hospitals, but good Bully kisses one girl and gets suspended? Okay, just checking. This whole thing is a mess. I just can't get into any of this. I try to be an optimist and wait to see if anything good will come out of this, but it doesn't seem very likely at this point.
Match #4: Gail Kim and Tara vs Mickie James and Tessmacher
Want to know something interesting? This has been the best match so far. I'm not even trying to make a joke here. I'm actually being serious right now. The finish comes when Mickie hits the Delayed DDT on Gail for the victory. I'm guessing Velvet Sky wasn't available because of the car accident she was in.
Winner via pinfall: Mickie James and Tessmacher
Match #5: Aces and Eights vs Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe; Steel Cage match
Have you ever realized that the members to this stable are never consistent? This adds to the reasons that people cannot take these guys seriously. Representing Aces and Eights is Devon and Skull Fat-Man Kid. Doc was keeping Kurt from getting involved for half the match, but Kurt is able to fight back and helps Joe. With the Angle Slam, the TNA guys win the match. After the match, Aces and Eights now have 6-8 members again. They take out Angle and Joe until Sting arrives. I love how they sit there and let Sting attack them one at a time. It's like they're screaming, "Hold it guys. Let's be fair and give him a shot. We don't want to hurt anybody's feelings". Sting's return is about as cliche as you're gonna get. Kurt and Joe are back in the fight and the rest of the Aces and Eights have escaped….except for one guy. Sure enough, they unmask him and it's Mike Knox. Hooray, Mike Knox? Meanwhile, I don't think Mr. Anderson did anything during this brawl. Maybe he was too tired of collecting all those sexual diseases and couldn't be motivated to fight? I really didn't enjoy this segment. Sting's return was as lazy as they could write it. They revealed another member of Aces and Eights, but Mike Knox isn't really that big of a reveal. Seriously, how many of you even remember Mike Knox? Sure, he was in WWE. While in WWE, he did nothing worth mentioning. So far, the best reveal in Card Games has been Doc. That's good and scary at the same time. If Sting would've turned on TNA, the hype would've been worth something. Instead, it's as ordinary as you're gonna get. Think about it? This "1/3/13" hype revolved around Sting unmasking Mike Knox. I'm just gonna let that sit out there while you think about that. Well, I guess the name drop could've been worse. At the same time, I think you're digging pretty deep when you pick up a former WWE jobber that nobody even remembers worked for that company. Plus, it isn't like Aces and Eights is on a role as of late. Why should I care that Mike Knox is the reveal when Card Games has been losing left and right? This stable is completely unthreatening. Whoever is leading this group, he or she is doing the worse job ever. At this point, the only thing that would interest me with Aces and Eights is the reveal of the leader. At the same time, they will probably add to the bulls*** and say Eric Young is calling the shots.
Winner via pinfall: Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe
The first wrestling show of 2013 makes me very, very sad. I'm sorry, but I cant approve of this. Outside of the last two matches, the action was pretty lacking for tonight's show. And keep in mind that one of those passable matches was a Knockout match. The opening was at least promising and while there was a few moments of the show making an impression, I don't think they did the best job tonight. I wanted to like this show. I really did, but I can't approve of this. I would be lying if I said I enjoyed it. I just found tonight's show boring and disappointing. The last 2-3 weeks for TNA were pretty decent, but I think they took a couple steps backwards tonight. Well, that's gonna do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Something tells me hardcore TNA fans are probably gonna curse me out. Well, I'm ready for whatever you got. There's still time to vote for the Best and Worst of 2012, so take part if you're interested. Tell me what you thought of tonight's show or review. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.