What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 5/17/12. After Sacrifice, how do things pan out? Let's find out and start the review.
We open up the show with Robert Roode. How many times have I said that to open up a review? I should create a counter for that……naw. Bobby talks about how nobody can defeat him. He gives RVD credit for giving him a tough match, but he still wasn't good enough to defeat Bobby. Since Bobby is one week away from being the longest reigning TNA World Champ, he wants to throw a party….
Bobby calls out Hulk Hogan. With the Hulkster in the ring, Bobby has a list of demands for his party. He wants good furniture for his locker room, five bottles of cold champagne, a bowl of GREEN M&Ms. Not red, not blue, and I pray to God that you don't even think about giving him yellow ones. He wants Green M&Ms. Unfortunately, Bobby doesn't realize that TNA already has plenty of green M&Ms. You would know them better as the TNA locker room…
Oh, they set me up for that one. I REGRET NOTHING!!! He always wants golden confetti flown in from Canada. What? I didn't realize that Canada had the good stuff when it came to confetti. Yeah, this is serious thing. You didn't know this? Hogan praises Roode as champion, but he won't be celebrating anything since he will be defending his world title on Open Fight Night (Next week). Hogan puts together a series of qualifiers to determine the final four competitors to choose from. So, you have a group of guys to choose from, so you make them compete. That way, you have another group of people to choose from. Oh, that makes perfect sense. Hey, I'm just having fun. So, it will be Bully Ray vs RVD in the first qualifier, Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson in the second match, Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe in the third match, and a Wild Card Battle Royal to determine the final competitor. The segment ends with Bobby being pissed off. So, I like the choices, but something feels off. RVD, Kurt, Hardy, Anderson, and Bully are deserving of their spot, but why is Joe here? What has he done to get a world title qualifier? Heck, Austin Aries has done more than Joe. Then again, that's wrestling logic for you. Oh, and don't give me that, "Joe was just tag team champion" argument. That's a lazy argument. In case you're still lost, OFN qualifiers was going to be the theme of tonight's show. Some might consider that a crime, but I'm okay with this approach. That, and the biggest crime of the night is Bobby not getting his green M&Ms. Those bastards!!!
Match #1: Bully Ray vs RVD; OFN Qualifier
Throughout the match, Bully was targeting the injured knee of RVD. It appears RVD is selling the hell out of it, but I wonder how much "selling" is going on here. RVD took some really bad bumps in that match, so I wouldn't be surprised if he really was a little banged up. Because of the constant knee attacks, this would be RVD's downfall. He tried a heel kick, but landed awkwardly on his knee. This allowed Bully to take control and toss up RVD for a solo 3D…..Which totally looks like the RKO/Cutter. Bully will now be one the four choices for OFN. Since he's a heel, his chances of getting the title match aren't very good. Bully also had an exchange with Joseph Abyss in the back. They don't like each other. I'm still waiting for the moment Abyss AND Joseph show up on the same screen. Just imagine it….
Winner via pinfall: Bully Ray
TNA showed the signing of King Mo. He's mostly known for MMA fighting, but he will be doing MMA gigs AND working part-time for TNA. They kept claiming that he was the first person to do MMA and pro wrestling at the same time, but didn't Bobby Lashley do the same thing at one point? Then again, I don't pay attention to MMA, so I could be wrong here. What does this move mean for TNA? Well, it will give them more mainstream attention, which is something this company needs a hell of a lot more of. It will be interesting to see what they do with him, but who knows how long this will last. The interview completely broke kayfabe, but it was almost unavoidable. Still, the fourth wall is shattered so much that the glass has turned into dust particles. Be careful breathing in the rest of the evening. It could be fatal. Madison Rayne is interested in some guy while Gail Kim is complaining. Velvet Sky and Brooke Tessmacher mock Gail…..yada yada. How do you go from a MMA killing machine to the Knockouts? Unless…..no, I shouldn't be thinking like that.
Match #2: Wild Card Battle Royal; OFN Qualifier
There was a number of competitors in this match. Oh, TNA. You start to get in the right direction, but then you have those moments that are completely stupid. So, you have Crimson, who is undefeated, struggling to fight ODB and ends up getting eliminated by ODB AND Eric Young. This guy is undefeated in singles matches? Is this the same guy or did you clone Crimson? Now, I admit that Crimson's undefeated streak is very forgettable and not a whole lot stands out about him, but you aren't doing him any favors when you write things like this. It makes even less sense to put him in a possible rivalry with the comedy couple. I don't know why, but I just find it pretty stupid. As the match continues, Madison shows up and watches the match. Apparently, the guy she has her eye on is possibly in the ring. So, your choices would be AJ Styles, Austin Aries, Robbie E, Robbie T, Devon, Garett Bischoff, and Gunner. I know I should take this seriously, but I can't help but put together the worst combination possible. Madison and Devon, huh? Sure, whatever floats your boat, creative staff. I wouldn't be surprised if the person they choose is Garett. Why? Because TNA loves handing out storylines/programs to people who haven't earned it. This was a fair match, but I think Tazz was blowing his own load a little much here. He said this was the best Battle Royal ever. No, no, no, no, so much no with this sentence. And, this would be reason #47981 for the TNA fans to hate me. It's a growing list. I was entertained by this match, but I wouldn't call it the best. The Robbies might have some foreshadowing with Robbie E eliminating his bodyguard, but who really cares. The finish comes when AJ eliminates Gunner, thus winning the match. Why was Gunner the last elimination? Gunner hasn't contended for anything since……back to the review.
Winner: AJ Styles
After the match, AJ cuts a promo. He talks about going after Bobby, but you aren't interested in this. You want to hear about the stuff involving Dixie Carter. He says things aren't always as they seem. Did you tell you wife that, AJ? Christopher Daniels and Kaz interrupt. Kaz wants to know the reasoning behind these allegations, while Daniels wants to know, but seems to be having fun at AJ's expense. This week, Daniels and Kaz show a video of AJ and Dixie walking into a hotel room together. Why didn't they post this on the titantron. Did TNA want to show off their IPad? Then again, I'm impressed that they were able to afford one. Once AJ sees the video, he leaves without saying anything. AJ left because he remembered he left something at the zoo……a cougar…
Again, I regret nothing. Now that they have finally picked a direction for this storyline, expect it to linger for 2-3 months until they decide for AJ to explain himself. Hey, it already happened once in this storyline, so it wouldn't surprise me. Oh, and Kurt and Joe remember their dinosaur days rivalry. It was a pretty pointless backstage scene. I get what they are trying to do, but there's no reason for it. Gotta add the filler at somepoint.
Match #3: Mr. Anderson vs Jeff Hardy; OFN Qualifier
I don't know about you, but do you feel like you aren't getting good in-ring quality with this rivalry? There are times where it look good, but there are also times where it starts to look sloppy. Maybe the chemistry between the two is off? The finish comes when Anderson does the Green Bay Plunge on Hardy, but Hardy quickly counters with a roll-up victory. I wasn't a big fan of how they ended this match. It just felt rushed. I guess Hardy was suppose to win at Sacrifice? I hope we don't see this match again. With that said, look for Anderson/Hardy to happen 8 more times until the end of the year.
Winner via pinfall: Jeff Hardy
Match #4: Gail Kim vs Brooke Tessmacher vs Velvet Sky; KO title
I think it's clear TNA isn't sure what to do with the KO title. They want Gail to be the champion, but they aren't sure who should be the #1 Contender. It seems they want BOTH Tessmacher and Velvet. Either that, or TNA really wants to grab hold of their assets. Anyway, Velvet hit In Yo Face on Tessmacher, but Gail arrives and tosses Velvet out of the ring. Gail pins Tessmacher to retain her title. You see what I mean? Last week, Velvet took the defeat since they were pushing Tessmacher, but Tessmacher takes the pinfall tonight? What's the thought process here? Then again, I don't think they care since they are probably trying to milk the sex appeal factor.
Winner via pinfall and still KO Champ: Gail Kim
Match #5: Samoa Joe vs Kurt Angle; OFN Qualifier
Okay, what is up with the fan sitting in the front? Did you read his signs? He had a "We want four sides". Ummmm…..isn't that what they are using? I think he had another sign about whales. As soon as I saw that sign, this is what came into my mind….
Gotta love Team FourStar. This was a pretty good match. I really enjoyed it. Bobby joined the commentary team for this match. He actually did pretty good on commentary. In fact, can we put him on commentary and get rid of Tenay? If there's one thing I didn't like about this match, it was the ending. Roll-up victories are kinda cheap. I understand that it's used to protect the stock of certain stars, but what kind of stock does Joe have? Maybe they are gonna start using him, but we've been down this road before. I always find it funny when people chant, "Joe's gonna kill you". Please, Joe hasn't killed anyone since 2008. As you would've guessed, the finish comes when Kurt gets a roll-up on Joe for the victory. After the match, all four qualifiers show up and turn their attention to Roode.
Winner via pinfall: Kurt Angle
You would think TNA would start the build-up for Slammiversary tonight, but that wasn't the case. They have been showing a lot of advertisements for the event, so they definitely what it to do well. So, why dedicate an entire night to who will qualify for the OFN?To be fair, they can use tonight's action for the PPV, but it seems kinda reckless. Keep in mind that these four aren't gonna compete in another match, as Hogan will make the decision on who gets the title match. I'm okay with that idea, but I'm not loving it at the same time. I just keep getting reminded of Hogan's five-year decision making from the last OFN. At least it shows that TNA wants the OFN to work, since they are putting extra time into it. With that said, I was entertained by tonight's show. I thought it was pretty decent and it was a little fun. It wasn't groundbreaking television, but it wasn't terrible. The matches were decent, the storytelling aspects were okay, and the promos were fair. Again, TNA seems to have things going in the positive direction. Then again, that's usually when you have to remain the most cautious. That storm never seems to be late for TNA land. Then again, maybe it's getting delayed? That's gonna do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show. See you next time.