Friday, March 30, 2012

WrestlingNerd Presents: TNA Impact Wrestling Review 3/29/12 (What the hell just happened?)

What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 3/29/12. We take a break from the WrestleMania 28 Rundown to talk about TNA…..riveting. Let's go ahead and get this one out of the way. 

Well, it didn't take long for TNA to bring up the fact that Hulk Hogan did NOT make his decision on last week show. Dixie wants Hogan back in-charge, so she will await his answer. Amazing how a year ago, they were trying to find every loophole possible to take the power away from Hogan, but now she wants to hand it over to him…..again? It's wrestling logic, but I think even THIS is pushing wrestling logic. We are only six months removed from Hogan calling the shots, so now we're doing it again? Do they really have no other alternatives? What was that? Vince Russo is NOT working for this company anymore? Yeah, I don't buy that at all. The show hasn't even started yet and I'm already bitching about something. That's not a good sign. The show opens up with Robert Roode and five police officers. What, is the Village People Convention in Orlando? Anyway, Roode tells the fans to kiss his ass. Okay, I'm laughing again. Now, we're getting somewhere. Roode says that TNA is nothing without him, so there's no way they would fire him. He talked about Sting and Dixie Carter…..Are we supposed to care? Apparently not since they are more concerned about Hogan. Roode finally talks about James Storm. He says the police officers are there to protect Storm since Roode can easily beat him up. Storm arrives, but the cops create a line of defense between Storm and Roode. Storm starts to make his way through the pig wall, but Bully Ray attacks Storm from behind. Storm gets back up and starts to fight everyone off. It really shows how pathetic the Orlando police force is when one pissed off guy can take down five cops. In fact, what ever happened to the cops after this shot? There were there for a second, but as soon as Storm cleared the ring, they're gone. I guess a wizard did it? Storm challenges Roode and Bully to a handicap match for tonight. The bad guys accept. If you ignore the Hogan stuff, this was a pretty good start to the show. Storm is telling Roode that he won't take any of his crap and he WILL become the world champion after Lockdown. If TNA would focus more on good rivalries as opposed to pointless storylines, I think they would be in a much better position. By the way, I want you to remember that as we move forward. 

Backstage where Madison Rayne and Gail Kim are talking. Gail wants to put the past right behind them, so she gives Madison a gift. It turns out to be a tiara. Madison likes the gift, so she now seems determined to defeat Velvet Sky later tonight. This scene gives me a headache. So, you had Madison and Gail fighting like a bunch of high school girls for the last month, but now we completely doing away with it…..Which makes it a complete waste of time. No………..NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….

You have got to be kidding me? TNA dedicated the last month to this storyline, but now it's entirely pointless. You know, if you're gonna do filler, you can at least try to not make it look so obvious. I can't express how stupid this looks. Don't you love pointless storylines that make absolutely no sense……NO ONE. NOBODY LIKES THAT!!! Okay… that I have gotten THAT out of my system…..Let's continue. 

Match #1: Velvet Sky vs Madison Rayne
NO!!! I'm done talking about the previous scene. Mainly because it connects to what happens next. So, Mike Tenay tries to bring up how Gail views Velvet has a threat for the KO title. Did we already forget that Gail DEFEATED Velvet for the title in the first place? There's wrestling logic, then there's just thinking I'm completely stupid. TNA has shown that they are not paying any attention to past storylines. Now, I'm aware this type of thing in pro wrestling happens a lot, but this only happened five months ago. If we were a year or two removed from it, then I would be fine with it. TNA has multiple options for the KOs, but I guess they love paying people to sit around and do nothing. The match was nothing special. Velvet dominates the match and wins with the In Yo Face. After the match, Velvet brings up the fact that she never cashed in her rematch clause, so she demands to get a rematch for the KO title. I know that Velvet should have brought this up sooner, but based on how dimwitted her character can be, I can actually buy the fact that Velvet is barely realizing that she never got a rematch. Well, at least she remembered, but don't these things have a warranty on them? Then again, who gives a s***? I know I don't. 

Winner via pinfall: Velvet Sky

Bully and Roode are backstage. They talk about how Storm has no chance against them. Roode starts to get too excited and wants to bring it in, but Bully says he doesn't do that. Wow, an attempt at humor that actually succeeded? Bully needs to show up on this show a lot more. He's a jerk and funny at the same time. The next scene is…..*SIGH*……..Hogan and Dixie are talking about the GM offer in a random location. It looked like they were doing it in a children's playground. Seriously, did you listen to the background noise? It sounded like kids were screaming and yelling. What are Dixie and Hogan doing in a children's playground? Here's my theory. Dixie and Hogan were originally going to go to a coffee shop, but Hogan couldn't walk far enough, so they stopped at the nearest park bench. This scene went on forever, and I really do mean forever. I think it lasted five minutes. Dixie wants Hogan back in control, but Hogan remembers his past experience with the job. Hogan says Sting should do the job, while Dixie mostly blames Eric Bischoff for the job……blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, just get on with it!!! Another thing I hated about this scene was the camera shot. Did we really need camera hidden in the bushes? Wow, a cameraman hiding in the bushes of a children's playground? Anyone else see how wrong this is? Leave it to Hogan to steal the spotlight for the one-millionth time. Oh, and guess what? Hogan STILL has not made up his mind, so we have another Hogan scene for tonight. TNA World Championship? What is that? What even is that? Oh, and Kurt Angle says Jeff Hardy has to win his match to get a rematch with him. Why? Well, that's a damn good question. 

We are getting ready for the Crimson/Matt Morgan match, but Austin Aries interrupts. Tenay seemed upset that he didn't see the Morgan/Crimson match. Tenay was like, "It's time for the Crimson/Morgan match. What's Austin doing here?". Yeah, like everyone was really gearing up for the Crimson/Morgan match. Tenay never seizes to amaze me. Anyway, Austin talks about how Bully interrupted his match last week. He might be a small guy, but he is very outspoken and doesn't like Bully getting involved in his business. A Double says he respects Storm for having courage, so he wants to help him out and be his partner for tonight's match. This was a good promo by A Double, but the Impact Zone ruins this game-changing moment. A Double was making his face/tweener turn, but they were annoying as ever. Is there any way to mute the Impact Zone, Tenay, and Tazz? If you advertised that, I bet that could increase the ratings. 

Match #2: Crimson vs Matt Morgan
We are barely at the second match? This show is an endurance test. This match was mainly a brawl. They were beating the crap out of each other. In fact, both guys fight on the outside, thus both get a double countout. Tenay talks about how the ring can't contain them. If only they designed some type of structure that contained a metal fence, in which it would be difficult for someone to run away from? Well, I guess that doesn't exist…..derp. Anyway, I want to add that this match did its job in telling the story. The match itself was pretty fair, but it was short. 

Double Countout

Match #3: Mr. Anderson vs Jeff Hardy
I should mention that Joseph Parks is talking to the production team on the whereabouts of Abyss. This is where the magic happens….

Joseph Parks might be the funniest character on his show. Anyway, he finds no information on Abyss. Time to get back to the match.  Why is Hardy having to defeat Anderson in order to get a match with Kurt? That makes no sense. Russo's back there, isn't he? Don't lie to me, TNA. I can sense that he wrote this. Either that or somebody was inspired by….Oh no. This match felt sloppy to me. It just seemed like Hardy and Anderson were slipping around in that ring. What, did somebody pour baby oil all over that ring?. Are there invisible banana peels in there? Yeah, so not a big fan of this match. The finish comes when Hardy and Anderson have a meeting of the minds. Hardy falls on the outside of the ring. While the ref checks up on Anderson, Kurt arrives and attacks Hardy. He tosses him back in the ring, but Hardy walks into the Mic Check for the victory. Anderson was not aware of Kurt's interference. Kurt wins this round.

Winner via pinfall: Mr. Anderson

They showed the James Storm music video. It's a pretty catchy tune, but it was basically a longer version of Storm's entrance theme. This song is one of the highlights of tonight's show. That's amazing, yet sad at the same time. ODB and Eric Young plan their wedding. Cameraman is really focusing on the cleavage of the wedding planner's chest. Yes, it is a woman, so I see what they were trying to do here. TNA hired pedophiles and perverts as the camera crew. What is going on over there? I don't think I want to know. Anyway, ODB hates the wedding planner, so she cancels it. She wants to get married inside a steel cage. EY agrees. I have expressed in the past how much I don't like these segment. If you enjoy this EY/ODB bit, tell me your reasons why? I just can't get into it, so maybe you can convince me.

Eric Bischoff comes out and talks about how he's a man with a plan. He has checked everything off his list, except for one thing. He still wants to get Garett Bischoff out of the business, but he's still here. Hey, Eric Bischoff and I actually agree on something. Who would've thought? This scene worked like the other Eric/Garett scenes in the past. Eric wants him gone, but Garett is a parasite and continues to stick around. We have seen this scene countless time. Do we really have to see it again? Not only that, but can Garett get any worse? Yes he can since he continues to smile away. That's what you call, John Cena acting. Watch out for this guy!!! Anyway, Eric puts his son in a steel cage match against Gunner. Oh God…….OH GOD!!! Did we forget about the Garett/Gunner match at Genesis? That match was awful, and you want to repeat it inside a steel cage? Are you out of your damn mind? I guess they want TWO nominees for the Worst match of 2012. That's going above and beyond, TNA. Oh, and check out the Storm training montage. Anyone having Rocky 4 flashbacks? DRAGO!!!

Match #4: Robert Roode and Bully Ray vs James Storm and Austin Aries
This was the best match of the night, but look at the competition? A KO match that made no sense, a double countout, and a sloppy match. Yeah, that was a nail-biter. I enjoyed the A Double/Bully segments. They really made the match fun, but let's give some credit to Roode and Storm. You see, THIS is what TNA needs more of. Four interesting characters that are always evolving, not 58 year old GMs and confusing storylines. Love the showboating by Austin. He might be making a face turn, but at least he keeps his coolness. Not sure if it was me, but I think I heard a small, "This is awesome" chant in the distance. Well…..I'm counting it…..


The finish comes when Storm hits Last Call Super Kick on Bully. This was a good match. Damn good. Only problem is you have to go through a lot of crap in order to get to this part. Isn't Youtube so helpful?

Winner via pinfall: James Storm and Austin Aries

As you would've guessed, Hogan is the final part of the show. He's in the intro, the middle, and now the end. Yeah, still don't believe me that he likes to shine the spotlight on himself? Too bad Batista isn't here. SPOTLIGHT!!! Hogan comes out and says he has closed the door on this matter. Sting arrives with some members of the TNA roster. Sting says he can't deny these people on accepting the job. Hogan says if Sting watches Hogan's back, he will accept. Sting says of course. Hogan finally buckles down and he accepts the job….again….Excuse me for a moment….

Hogan is back in control. It never f***ing ends. I'm calling it right now. Hogan will gain an ego at some point and then you will see Immortal 2.0 or some bulls*** like that. Yep….Looking forward to that……*crying*…….Why would somebody do this……*still crying*. I would probably be on board this idea if Hogan was more than a year removed from the job, but he was just in-control six months ago. I want to bring up how I hope Hogan doesn't steal the spotlight on the other talents, but this is Hogan we're talking about. You know he will focus on himself. Hell the last two episodes of Impact have ended with him, so it's already started…..YET AGAIN!! ………I'm sad. I think I'm gonna cry again. 

Overall Impression:
Samuel L. Jackson, you can do the honors……

You thought last week was bad? This is an insult to last week. The only thing I enjoyed were the segments involving Storm, Roode, Bully, and A Double. They were definitely the highlight of tonight's show. The show had some pretty forgetting/bad matches, except for the main event. The promos/segments? F*** them. Most of them were bad, except for the ones I previously listed. The whole show was dedicated to Hogan's decision. You thought Lebron's decision was ridiculous? At least that only lasted for one hour, but Hogan dedicates TWO hours for his decision. TWO F***ING HOURS!!! Yeah, I think most of you can tell that I am being very negative tonight. In fact, I expect to get a lot of angry complaints with this review, but I can't support this. Hogan was the subject way too much on this show. Hey, remember that LD PPV that's in a few weeks? You know? The PPV that is your second best show of the year? Yeah, let's not build that thing up and focus if Hogan will take the GM job or not. What's next? Is next week's show going to revolve on what Hogan wants to eat? Why stop there? How about who Hogan will bang next? Or how about what car Hogan is going to drive? The possibilities are endless. I think it finally happened. I have completely lost my mind……wait, that's not true. I lost my mind years ago. See, I just don't know anymore. TNA, you were making improvements. Things were looking up, but TNA has taken a lot of steps backwards in the last couple of weeks. Now, I'm most likely the minority of Hogan coming back to the show. In fact, there's plenty of people who like Hogan and want to see the guy every week. That's fine and I don't have a problem with that. In fact, I'll repeat that one. I don't have a problem with TNA making Hogan the GM. Yeah, logic is up the ass on that one, but that's not the main issue here. What I do have a problem with is putting most of the focus on Hogan. It just seemed like an excuse for people to show Hogan some appreciation. Yeah, like that hasn't happened before. I'm fine with Hogan showing up on my TV, but it should be in small increments, not completely overdone. This shouldn't even be called TNA anymore since tonight's show can be referred to as the Hulk Hogan Show. Just don't make Hogan the attention whore. Oh, and if you bring up the argument that Hogan will gain viewers, then were have these "viewers" been since Hogan showed up two years ago? It's obviously not working, so it's time for a new idea. Unfortunately, Hogan is making himself the spotlight and next week's show will probably involved more Hogan stuff. Anyway, I gotta end this review/rant or else it will never stop. If you want to see the best parts of the show, just watch the main event and avoid everything else. We have no idea if WM 28 will be good or bad, but it can't be any worse than this, right? That's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed my non-sense. I apologizing for all the swearing, but I couldn't hold back tonight. I just decided to let loose. As always, tell me what you thought of my insane thoughts or tonight's show. Part II of the WM 28 Rundown will be posted on Saturday. Check out Part I if you haven't. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show. See you next time. 


  1. your reviews are hilarious :') tna is going downhill, whilst wwe is at the best stage in over 5 years. the gaps getting bigger

  2. you should do a count for 'let's go cena, cena sucks...' on RAW just like you do the count for 'this is awesome' for TNA

  3. The wedding planner's cleaveage was the ONLY THING interesting in the ODB/EY segment, in fact it's probably the only thing in their entire storyline that's been interesting.

    I agree focus on Austin Aries, James Storm, Bully (Bubba) Ray, Robert Roode and you could throw in A.J. and some others if actually used right!!!

  4. TNA Let themselves down again tonight, I feel sorry for Storm & Roode..

    Dan UK