What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 3/1/12. Let's get this over with and start the review.
We open up the show with Kurt Angle. He comes out with cue cards and says he will explain his reason for attacking Jeff Hardy. Either this is a coincidence, or TNA is trying to take a shot at the Rock for the wrist tattoo. Once again, TNA should really stop paying attention to what WWE does and focus more on their company. Then again, this can be purely coincidental since TNA tapes their episodes in advance. I would do some research to find out when this was filmed, but I honestly don't care. Anyway, Kurt talks about the many reasons for disliking Hardy. Some of these arguments were pretty lame. The first excuse was the fact Hardy has hair. That of itself is ridiculous. Imagine if a pro wrestling feud started because of hair…..Wait a minute? Kurt also said he doesn't like the way Hardy dresses. Oh yeah, because the entire world is so jealous of Hardy's Ronald McDonald makeup. The main reason Kurt hates Hardy is because his son idolizes him. He talks about how his son has Hardy posters, action figures, and dresses up like him. He sees all this Hardy stuff and seems to have no knowledge of purchasing it? Don't parents usually pay for their child's crap? So, wouldn't he already know about this? Okay, I'm going a little too far here, but it's fun to poke fun of the wrestling logic. Then again, most of you know how I like to do things. Hardy is now in the ring and Kurt challenges Hardy to a match at Victory Road. Hardy attacks Kurt. Officials and road agents arrive to break it up. Once Kurt gets out of the ring, Hardy accepts the match. So, we have a match set for VR. The storyline has some plot-holes, but what pro wrestling storyline doesn't? The storyline is at least easy to follow. I don't see this rivalry ending at VR, so expect some shenanigans at the PPV. By the way, did Kurt say he's a one-woman man? Isn't this the guy who went to jail for stalking his ex? Hey, the more you know.
Before going to the first commercial, Robert Roode has to make his mandatory, opening appearance. He mostly talks about how Sting is a disgrace and should not be competing anymore. Are we shooting now? Austin Aries arrives and agrees with Roode. The two decide to go talk about this in private. Well, it's nice to see Aries do something outside the X Division. I still think Aries is way too talented for the X Division and should get featured better on this show. Hell, how does someone like ODB get more screen time than A Double? Yeah, you try to figure that one out.
Match #1: Gauntlet Match
AJ Styles would go up against Christopher Daniels first. The match was fine, but I just what to see something new develop with this storyline. Well, it turns out TNA FINALLY listened to me. The finish comes when Kaz comes into the ring and hits Fade to Black on AJ. Since the ref clearly saw it, the ref DQs Daniels. Since Kaz was the next opponent in the gauntlet, he immediately pins AJ for the victory. After the match, Daniels seems puzzled while Kaz is doing an evil grin. So, it seems Kaz is starting to disregard his orders and might be starting to act out on his own. You have to suspect this since Daniels' expression said he was confused with Kaz's actions. Then again, when has Daniels been known for acting skill? Regardless, it seems we have no idea what's going on here. I'm not fully on board with this storyline, but at least they put in a twist to change things up. At the same time, we need to get more clues. Knowing TNA's history, I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't thought of a reason for Kaz siding with Daniels. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, but they have come up with some pretty lame excuses in the past.
Backstage where Madison Rayne is dressing the locker room like a Gail Kim stalker. Gail arrives and says her and Madison are now on the same page. To thank her, she managed to get Madison a match against ODB tonight. Madison is not thrilled about the idea. Yeah, I'm not thrilled about it either.
Match #2: Madison Rayne vs ODB
Eric Young continues to run around like an idiot and still thinks grappling the referee is funny. Yeah, that's about as funny as jamming a salad fork in your eye, pulling it out, and then tossing it in the trash. I'm sorry, but I still don't find Eric's comedy to be funny. It's more annoying in my eyes, and don't you start saying I don't have a sense of humor. Believe me, I am very open to some comedy appearing on my TV set, but when you're doing the same comedy routine and don't add anything new to it, it gets really old, really fast. If Eric wants to be the comedy character, I have no problem with that, but he needs to try something new things. The match was your standard KO match. The finish comes when ODB hits a slam and wins the match. Gail was trying to "save" her partner, but it was nothing but an excuse for her to be a bitch towards Madison. I really didn't like what TNA did here. Madison is your #1 Contender, but she can't be ODB? Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Also, this whole Gail/Madison rivalry is just weird. Who do casual fans cheer for? They are both heels and neither one of them are likable (at least in contrast to faces and heels). To be fair, this storyline is still in the early stages, but it's a free for all at this point. Let the madness commence and let your mind be free…..FREE……..FREEEEEEEEE!!! Did I mention free?
Winner via pinfall: ODB
Backstage where Bully Ray is trying to hook up with some random chick while calling her names. Yeah, that's the way to get the ladies in your pants…..Wait, what? See, this is what I was talking about earlier with EY. Bully can be pretty funny, but he's creative and changes up his humor and delivery. Kinda sad when the bully character is also the funniest character. After a lightweight and Canadian provide cock block to Nelson (Ha Ha), they convince Bully that all of their problems are Sting's doing and they need to stand together. That's right. Stand up. STAND UP. For what is right. Be brave, get ready to fight….Okay, I'm not going to sing the full song because that's just insanejajajajljalaollol….Oh, I'm really stupid. Anyway, Bully agrees and the two head out. I'm sure this plan will not backfire in their face. Another backstage scene. Velvet Sky is complaining about getting screwed over in the #1 Contender Battle Royal…..Two weeks ago. So, it took Velvet that long to realize this? Either she's slow or…..No, she's just slow. Angelina Love and Sarita arrive to mock Velvet. The three get into a fight. Mickie James arrives to help out and the heels stop the attack. So, where's Winter? Isn't she supposed to team up with Angelina? Maybe she's too busy having blood and crumpets? Regardless, this would be a match for later tonight. It probably won't serve any purpose for future storylines, but when is TNA subtle when forcing the fan service? One more backstage scene. Ric Flair, Eric Bischoff and Garbage man Gunner are talking to Garett Bischoff. Flair gives Garett one week to leave the wrestling business or else. Just drop this storyline, TNA. Nobody cares about a man who has the personality of a dump truck.
We are finally back in the ring. Roode, A Double, and Bully each make their arguments against Sting and say they're done. The three guys proceed to stage a sit-in. I don't know why, but I almost expected one of them to bust out the deck of cards. Hey, you gotta keep yourself entertained during a sit-in. The lights go off, and Sting arrives. Damn those magical powers. Sting says if they're done, then they must forfeit their championships. The band of idiots start to think about it. Sting puts them in a six man tag match. It will be Roode, Aries, and Bully vs James Storm, Samoa Joe, and Magnus. Yeah, so the bad guys clearly didn't think this plan through. All in all, it kinda makes them look like idiots. When Roode has been outsmarting everyone for months, it just makes it look like he had an off day. Who's idea was this? Well, the purpose of this "idea" was to stage the six person tag match, but the conclusion was very disappointing. Speaking of that match, why are Magnus and Joe are Storm's team? Aren't they the bad guys? Is TNA even paying attention to their own character traits anymore? If you want Joe and Magnus to be good guys, you need to have a scene to show that. So far, there's been nothing to illustrate that. That's lazy writing…..Or Vince Russo 101. Oh, wait a second? He's not supposed to be there anymore, right? I think I just figured it out. TNA said they "fired" Russo, but he's secretly still working there. Why on Earth would they do that? So they can troll you. It all makes perfect sense. Those tricky TNA workers.
Match #3: Zema Ion vs Shannon Moore
Zema is going up against Spot Monkey #3452. Oh no, not 3452? I should note that Zema did cut a backstage promo in which he doesn't feel sorry for injuring Jesse Sorensen. I would be fine with this if Jesse's injury was kayfabe, but something about Jesse nearly getting paralyzed by an accidental stunt and making it Zema's character trait does come off as bad taste. To be fair, pro wrestling has used injuries in the past to build up other stars. Still, it can leave a sour taste in your mouth when you just got finished watching Jesse on a hospital bed. This was a short match. As I said last week, this Zema/A Double deal is something I'm having a hard time getting into. I'm sure the match will be great, but they are both bad guys and casual fans need to root for someone. This match was fine, but I can't seem to get into matches that involve Shannon. The finish comes when Zema hits a finisher. I think it was the Filipino Destroyer, but I'm not too sure. Hey, I've been wrong on many occasions. Do you ever wonder if Zema is really spraying himself with hairspray? For all we know, it could be a repel? So, there won't be any wild Pokemon running around. Damn!!!
Winner via pinfall: Zema Ion
Match #4: Velvet Sky and Mickie James vs Angelina Love and Sarita
For a second straight week, Mike Tenay talks about TMZ? I refuse to believe that moron goes on TMZ. If anything, they are probably just feeding him lines on the headset. That's nothing new since that happens in the business, but it's so stupid when it comes out of Tenay's mouth. It was at this point where I noticed that the commentary was really bad and stupid. Don't get me wrong. It's usually pretty bad since Tazz says whatever he wants (even if it makes no sense) while Tenay can make politicians fall asleep, but they were really bad during this match. The match was basic. Not a whole lot to report. The finish comes when Velvet hits the In Yo Face on Angelina for the victory. So, it seems TNA has scrapped the Mickie heel turn since it has never been addressed. Well, it was never establish, so at least they learned to pull the plug on a storyline quickly. If only they would learn to stop with Garett Jackoff?
Winner via pinfall: Velvet Sky and Mickie James
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's that time for TNA to get stupid. According to Tenay, TNA officials received a letter/message from Abyss' family. They want to know where Abyss is. TNA would then show a highlight of Abyss' last match (which happened two months ago) and then ask the question, where is Abyss? I like how Tazz is concerned for the well being of Abyss…..TWO MONTHS LATER!!! Oh, and do you really expect me to buy the fact Abyss has a family? It just seems a little hard to buy based on Abyss' history. I know it seems cruel, but it is what it is. So, TNA FINALLY brought up that stupid segment at the PPV where Bully said he had no idea where Abyss was. The fact they remembered this part is pretty shocking since TNA would've normally not mention it. Regardless, it seems the monster is missing and they are searching for him. In other words, prepare for Abyss repackage #562749. Honestly, Abyss has had so many character changes that it's laughable that he gets another makeover. The only thing they haven't done with Abyss is turn him into a homosexual. I REALLY hope they don't do that. Oh, and I am aware that Abyss is doing some work for Ring Ka King.
Match #5: Robert Roode, Austin Aries, and Bully Ray vs James Storm, Samoa Joe, and Magnus
This was probably the best match of the night. Still, something about seeing the tag champs team up with Storm was just strange. The finish comes when Storm hits the Last Call Super Kick on Roode. I kinda like Storm getting this victory since he's the #1 Contender and this will put Roode on notice. They really need to get this Storm/Roode rivalry in full motion. Reckon, it's being delayed because of Roode/Sting, but Roode/Storm is more important. After the match, Bully attacks everyone with a steel chair. Bully puts Storm on notice and claims he will take out Storm. Didn't Storm beat Bully to get the #1 Contendership? Ah, who gives a crap. It gives Storm something to do at the PPV.
Winner via pinfall: James Storm, Samoa Joe, and Magnus
This show reminded me a lot of what last week's show brought to the table. Was tonight's show bad? No, I definitely can't say it was bad. At the same time, I didn't think it was good. It was a very average show, but I just couldn't get into this show. I felt the show was boring at times. There was a couple of times where I started to take notice. I did like the group that was going to call out Sting, but the ending was so underwhelming and makes them look like idiots. The Kaz/AJ storyline took a bit of a turn this week, but they have to add more in the coming weeks or else we are back to square one. The matches were fine this week, but nothing to rave over. There was two KO matches, so that could easily get you out of the show. I didn't think the KO matches were bad this week, but they weren't anything special. TNA has things going in the right direction, but they did make some bone headed moves. The second KO match served no purpose to the current storylines. It could be something new in the works, but one of TNA's problems is having too many storylines on the show. Joe and Magnus all of the sudden are good guys. Hello, where did that come from? Talk about pulling something out of your ass. There was also the Abyss deal. It was these parts and a few others that made me cringe and lose interest in the show. I do admit that TNA is making strides in the right direction, but something is missing from making this average show feel rewarding. Instead, it was an average show that can leave you feeling bored. That's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show. See you next time.