What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 3/22/12. How will the insanity continue? Let's find out and start the review.
We open up the show with a replay of the Victory Road ending. In case you didn't watch the ending…..or the PPV itself, you get a quick recap on how Robert Roode continues dig his own grave. Dixie Carter comes out and talks about how Roode has been a disrespectful champion and has upset many fans. Well, that's not true. I personally think Roode has been one of the best TNA world champions in a really long time. Of course, let's play along with the kayfabe since Roode is the bad guy. With the, "Fire Bobby" chants going on in the Impact Zone, Dixie is about to give Roode the axe, but Sting interrupts. Sting says firing Roode would be a mistake since they wouldn't be able to get their revenge on Bobby. I would think taking away his paycheck would be the ultimate revenge, but it's wrestling logic and we need a reason to keep him around. Sting says that while he was fighting Roode at VR, he felt the competitive juices flowing (Oh no). He talks about how he can't be both the GM and a part time wrestler (Please tell me this isn't happening). Sting finally says that he needs to step down as the GM (Oh, thank God. I thought it was worse for a second there), and he wants to go home and rest (Well, he does need his rest. Especially at his age). Oh, and Sting announces that he wants to be a full time wrestler again. Dixie takes this news and……What? What? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH *starts to cry*, Idontwanttoknowwhywouldsomebodydothis………I'm sad. That's right, people. Sting wants to step down as GM so he can be a full-time wrestler again. Do I really need to go into detail on why this is insane? While Sting put on a fair match at VR, that doesn't mean he should be wrestling again. I like the idea of Sting wrestling once in a while, but the man is 53 years old. Just let it go. Anyway, Sting says he has found a suitable replacement for the GM job. He wants to get the real Hulk Hogan to take over. Dixie doesn't seem onboard with this idea and we are finally done with the opening. Hogan as GM again? Is TNA really running out of options? Hogan is only six months removed from being the GM, so why are we doing this again? From a storyline perspective, I'm kinda glad Dixie is thinking twice about this idea. She remembers what happened when Hogan took over the first time. Remember Hogan tricking her to sign the company over to her and all those put downs on television? Not to mention that Hogan brought birth to Abyssamania, Immortal, and a bunch of other things. That's enough to check you in the mental asylum. In fact, let me join you.
Match #1: Austin Aries vs Zema Ion vs Kid Kash vs Tony Nese; X Division Championship match
Bully Ray did cut a backstage promo before this match. He claims to be super pissed and he will take out some hostages tonight. Bully was NOT loved enough as a child. This was a Fatal 4Way match. Did anyone see the epic fail crossbody by Nese? Kash was not even close and here's Nese going, "WHEEE…oh crap". There was a lot of high flying in this match. It was okay, but nothing overly amazing. The finish comes when Bully shows up and takes out everyone besides A Double. Austin is wondering why Bully is getting involved in this. Mike Tenay and Tazz remind you that Austin and Bully were tag partners a few weeks back, so they are shocked by these turn of events…..Or, at least that's the emotion that Tenay fails to deliver…..again. Bully kicks Austin's head off to end the segment. I think the bigger picture is Bully attacking A Double. If that happens, maybe Aries is turning face? Like I said in the last TNA review, I would rather see A Double as a heel. He just seems to really shine as a bad guy, but I think the guy can be an interesting good guy.
Mexican America is backstage and…..wait, this is still a thing? I thought they gave up on this? Anyway, Josh Lewis from Repo Games is repossessing their car. I'm surprised Lewis isn't repossessing the entire Impact Zone. Oh, you knew it was coming. Lewis starts to ask them questions. If they get them right, they will keep the car. If not, they will lose the car. Mex Am. show that amazing education. I r totally smart. Since they lost, Lewis is about to take the car. Mex say they have two tag team title matches tonight, so they should wait since they will get paid for winning the belts. Oh, you didn't know this? Apparently, you get a paycheck bonus the second you win a title. The more you know, I suppose? As silly as this segment is, I was laughing. At the same time, I was mostly laughing at the thought of how stupid it was.
Match #2: Eric Young and ODB vs Sarita and Rosita; KO Tag Team titles
This was a comedy match. As soon as Eric got in the match, he started doing cartwheels. Who the hell does he think he is, Diddy Kong? The Latina Connection starts to flirt around Eric, but ODB doesn't seem to like this. She hits a slam on Rosita and tosses Sarita out of the ring. She gets in Eric's face. She wants to know why he's not wearing the engagement ring and how she's in control of this relationship, or some crap like that. She tells him to pin Rosita, so he does what he's told. Rosita was down for what seemed like 20 minutes, so it's funny how she still can't kick out after that much rest. If any of you know the whereabouts of Eric's balls, could you let me know.
Winner via pinfall and still KO Tag Champs: Eric Young and ODB
Backstage scene with Crimson. He talks about how Matt Morgan is a loser and how he carried the entire tag team. He challenges him to a match next week. Morgan shows up in seconds and the two start to fight. Time for the worst security staff to grace us with their presence. I always love how they restrain one person, but leave the other guy completely alone. Notice how it's the good guy who gets restrained while they do absolutely nothing to the bad guy. Is there a conspiracy going on in TNA? Anyway, things are heating up between Morgan and Crimson. We also get a video package of James Storm and Robert Roode. It showed the early parts of their careers. Wow, the two have really changed in 8-10 years, don't you think?
James Storm comes out to cut a promo. Storm talks about how there a lot of things wrong with this world and how it relates to the wrong things Roode has done since winning the world title. Storm calls out for Roode, but Roode's legal advisor shows up instead. I think he went by the name William Telly, but do you honestly care? This is a legit question I'm asking. Anyway, this guy would speak in a really bad British accent and reads the l e t t e r v e r y s l o w l y……..*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*. Okay, what did a miss? Oh, he's still talking. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if TNA grabbed some guy off the streets and said, "Read these lines and get kicked in the face in order to get your $50 and sandwich". Also known as the TNA special. If that's the case, it's totally not worth it. The lawyer talks about how Roode will be staying in Toronto until he feels this place is safe and has booked Storm in a match against Christopher Daniels or Kaz. Storm decides to face them both to save a week. Storm mocks the lawyer and finally gives him the Last Call Super Kick. Storm kicking his head off was the best part of this segment. To be fair, Storm did deliver a pretty decent promo.
Match #3: Kurt Angle vs Garett Bischoff; Three Minute Challenge
There was a couple of things I skipped. Jeff Hardy talked about wanting to face off against Kurt until Joseph Parks arrives. He once again ask if anyone knows the whereabouts of his brother, Abyss. Again, no detective was hired for this case? I guess Joseph Parks is either poor or is a cheap bastard. Angle was backstage talking about…..stuff. He comes across Garett and challenges him to another time limit match. It's time for the match and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. If you're having problems sleeping, just watch Garett and you will be counting sheep in no time. I'm watching this and I'm literally saying, "What?". How in the world do you expect to make Garett a top face when he starts running away like a chicken s***? Aren't the good guys supposed to be all brave and mighty? Sure, some of them are cunning like CM Punk, but don't you dare compared that THING to somebody as cool as CM Punk. So, he starts running away until Gunner shows up and attacks Garett. Oh, we go from one bland wrestler to another. Aren't we super lucky? Gunner and Kurt attack Jackoff until Hardy runs out for the save. The heels retreat once Hardy arrives. I'm gonna put the challenge out there once again. If you like Garett or his storyline, please give me a convincing argument and I might lay off the negativity. I'm sorry, but I can't support this. Who green lighted this? Don't answer that question cuz wrestling fans sadly know the answer.
Winner via DQ: Some mediocre guy
Match #4: Samoa Joe and Magnus vs Mexican America; Tag Team Titles
Just in case you completely forget who Mex Am. is, it's Anarquia and Hernandez. Twice in one program I saw somebody do a high risk move and they were completely off the mark. Joe was already moving out of the way, but Anarquia wants to fly like a moron and hurt himself. From a wrestling fan's perspective, it's just really bad timing. Lord knows TNA can't do a second take since that will waste film and money. This match is nothing special. So far, none of these matches are worth a second look. The finish comes when the ladies start to play distraction with the referee. The Repo man shows up and…hmmm. Repo Man sounds like a future robot master. Anyway, he shows up and takes the ladies away. This leads to Mex America's downfall. Joe and Magnus hit their combo finisher, which I'm calling the Samoan Tower, and they win the match. Bye bye, Mr. Car.
Winner via pinfall and still Tag Champs: Samoa Joe and Magnus
Back in the parking lot with Mex. Am. and the repo man. He takes the car and the ladies since…..because he can? Yeah, he gives no reason for wanting them, but I think we all know the answer to that one. The ladies go along with it since they don't like broke men. Wasn't Mex America about heritage, culture, and sticking together? I guess it's now about money? Anyway, the ladies walk off with the repo man while Anarquia and Hernandez are complaining. Time for Mex. America to pick up a bus schedule.
Match #5: James Storm vs Christopher Daniels and Kaz
I'm gonna speed this up. Kaz and Daniels start to argue, which leads to Storm Super Kicking both of them. Storm wins the match. This was probably the best match of the night, but I don't think it's saying much. Storm needed the victory since he needs to look strong going into his world title match at Lockdown.
Winner via pinfall: James Storm
Time for the final segment of the night. Sting and Dixie are in the ring. While she remembers how Hogan got so full of himself when he had power, she seems to trust Sting. She decides to go along with it. If Dixie didn't already look like the biggest moron on TV, how about now? Hogan comes out, but he seems a little off-put by Sting's idea. The fans, Stinger, and Dixie want Hogan to accept the job. Hogan just stands there as the camera fades away. I guess TNA ran out of film. Either that or the budget ran out…..again. Of course not. It was faded away to add dramatic effect for next week's show, but that's not going to stop me from thinking otherwise. I guess the main question is will Hogan accept or decline? Is Hogan this much of an attention whore? He has to put off his decision for a whole week so he can dedicate the show to himself. In fact, I bet Hogan's bit will end next week's show. I'm calling it right now. I'm not the biggest fan of this bit since Roode and Storm should be the main focus. It involves the world title and that should be the prime focus, but let's focus on two 50+ year old geezers who are talking about a job. Why do I get the feeling I will be extra sad next week? Let the sadness commence………*crying*.
This show was heavy on the talking/promos, but that was expected since they just got off a PPV and need to start building up their version of SummerSlam. With that said, I still didn't like this show. I think it was some of the ideas that came out. Sting returning to the ring full time and the possibility of Hogan being the GM of the show once again is going to give me nightmares. The wrestling quality wasn't anything amazing, but I'll give them a break for this week. The only parts of the show I liked were the repo games deal, Storm's promo, and the possible Bully/A Double feud. Everything else was either boring or just stupid. Hell, the repo games deal can be considered stupid, but it was funny because of the over-the-top reactions of Mex. America. I can't call this a bad episode of TNA since I have seen worse, but it was not one of their best. I just don't like the general direction the show is headed. I felt the show was doing better when Sting was calling the shots. Plus, I keep thinking that Hogan will turn heel AGAIN if he ended up getting the power. Thus, it's TNA re-hashing one of their old ideas that was pretty dumb to begin with. It's always possible that this can become a good storyline, but don't be surprised if this is a bust. That's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show. See you next time.