What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 3/15/12. With Victory Road set for this Sunday, how did the show hype up the PPV? Let's find out and start the review.
We open up the show with James Storm. He talks about finally getting his fair chance to win the world title and he will finally get his revenge on Robert Roode…..One month from now. I'll get you Roode. Next time! I'm not sure why the cameraman had a seizure during this promo. Did you see it? It's like really bad editing. Well, it didn't take long for TNA to give up. Was TNA going for a record tonight? Bully Ray interrupts and the two argue. Storm challenges him to a match, but Bully tells him to kiss his calves….
Bully informs Storm that he will go up against Gunner tonight. Oh, and I like how Bully says Gunner is the toughest guy he knows. The toughest guy he knows lost to Garett Bischoff…..twice. Once Gunner arrives, a brawl breaks out. It doesn't last long since the TNA Road agents have to actually work to get their paychecks. Well…..At least for this week. A very basic opening to the show. It's about freakin' time Storm actually say something towards Roode. Of course, the Roode/Storm build up has taken a step backwards because of Roode/Sting. When they first decided to make Storm the #1 contender a month ago, I was fine with it. I had no problem with booking it early, just as long as you start building up the confrontation. This is something TNA forget to do. It almost feels like Roode/Storm is an afterthought while Sting is more important. Do you see what's wrong here? Storm vs Bully will happen at VR, which makes the #1 Contender match that happened a month ago completely pointless. I'm probably over thinking everything, but I'm just not liking TNA's thought process here. The idea of Storm being the #1 Contender in advance is a good idea, but make him do something or else he loses momentum. Wow, 5 minutes into the show and I'm already bitching about something. Come on, dude. You gotta pace yourself. You can do this. You can do it. Don't stress yourself. Yes, I talk to myself.
Match #1: Madison Rayne vs Velvet Sky
Want to know the strange thing? People are probably checking out TNA JUST to see Velvet's entrance. They probably watch it and then carry on with their lives. I'm personally not one of those people, but you know there are some perverted people out there. The match was….a match? Yeah, I got nothing. The finish comes when Madison rolls up Velvet and pulls the tights/panties for the victory. Well, it's about time Madison win a match. After all, she supposed to be the #1 contender. She might have cheated to win the match, but who cares.
Winner via fan service: Madison Rayne
Match #2: Crimson vs Samoa Joe
Crimson and Matt Morgan were in a separate backstage scene. Crimson is talking about winning and brags about his undefeated record. Yeah, I'm sure that won't come back to bite him in the ass. The match was decent, but you can easily have no interest in this match. The finish comes when Crimson hits a Spear and gets the victory. I like how Joe is up seconds after taking the pinfall. That's some grade A selling you're seeing right there. Watch out for this guy. Anyway, there is a tag title match for this Sunday. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if you completely forgot about this. It just doesn't leave that much of an impression.
Winner via pinfall: Crimson
Austin Aries is in the ring and talks being the longest reigning X Division champion ever. He actually set the record over the weekend, but this isn't the time for specifics. Austin plays a music video with some of this own highlights. The musical selection was disappointing, but A Double's shenanigans are making up for it. Austin thanks his inferior X Division competition for making this all possible. Thank you X Division roster for sucking. That's pretty much what A Double was saying. Zema Ion interrupts and brags about his victory on last week's show. He says Aries should give up the title or he will give him the Jesse Sorensen treatment. Oh no. He's going to make him bland and uncharismatic. Ohhhhhhh noooooooooo!!! Anyway, Zema splashes some champagne in this face. A Double gets the rest of the champagne on his face. Oh, you can feel the tension of this rivalry. Seriously, all the build up for this match was done in this segment. I've mentioned this already, but this rivalry doesn't do it for me. It would help if one of them was playing the face, but nobody is claiming that spot. The same thing applies to the KO title match. This was probably my favorite scene out of the night, but it was mainly thanks to Austin. I thought about this a while back, but I have mentioned that Austin is too talented for the X Division and should move up the ladder. If TNA ever did this, it could really spell disaster for the X Division. Let's face it. Austin Aries IS the X Division. If you take him away, the interest level for this division would automatically disappear. That says a couple of things. It shows how talented Austin is, but it also shows how nobody else in the division stands out. Sure, the competitors can wrestle, but that's about it. Regardless, I still think A Double should move higher up the card. He has conquered the X Division and should get a chance to see what he can do. Hell, he has less time than Garett and leaves a bigger impression. What's wrong with this picture?
Joseph Parks is still searching for his brother. He confronts Gunner since he obviously looks like the sharpest object in the tool box. Gunner blows him off since he needs to be a dick. Here's a little advice. If you want to make your storyline work, it's generally a good idea to NOT put the garbage man in this scene. Gunner just reeks of boredom. Eric Young and ODB are talking about their wedding. They thought about the VFW and a bunch of other places that I've never heard of. They ultimately decide to get married in the wrestling ring. Oh, I'm sure this won't come back to haunt them. After all, every single marriage in a wrestling ring have gone so well in the past. Oh, I'm really not looking forward to that bit. It could get better, but remember this. It can also get worse. Don't say I didn't warn you. One more backstage scene. Kurt Angle says he hates Garett and Jeff Hardy. He challenges Garett to a five minute match. He calls him Bitchoff and says he got comfortable with his wife. Is that the best Kurt can pull off? I would've said Garett Jackoff. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Kurt vs Hardy is probably the most intriguing match going into VR. I'll get to the PPV card at the end of the review.
Match #3: Gail Kim vs Mickie James
Match was fair, butyouknowwhateveridontknowallalalallala……MOVING ON. Gail hit Mickie in the face with the belt and steals the match. So, both heels cheat to win their matches and I really don't care. Who am I supposed to cheer for in this rivalry? Then again, I think the important question is do we care? I think you already know the answer to that one.
Winner via pinfall: Gail Kim
There is a backstage scene with Mr. Anderson, Christopher Daniels, and Kaz. They are by a water cooler, but it's a lemonade cooler. That's at least what Anderson was trying to tell you. They want to know why Anderson is hanging around a loser like AJ Styles. Since we can't give a smart ass response and say that's what the script said, Anderson doesn't really give a reason for siding with AJ. Seriously, what's his story for siding with AJ? Well, if TNA isn't going to give you one, you might as well make one up. How about Anderson is a secret vigilante at night. He goes by the name Mr. Asshole. Mr Asshole is protecting the world from a shortage of toilet paper. One night, Mr. Asshole worked double duty and he ran out of his supply. He was desperate and can't fully his quota……and his checking account….and his dinner bill. Well, it just so happens AJ was walking by and he lends Mr. Asshole a hand. Mr. Asshole decides that he will make it up to AJ. He didn't say when and where, but he would show up when the time is right. Fast forward to the present time and…….DID I JUST BLOW MY FREAKIN' MIND? Anyway, Kaz and Daniels don't like Anderson's attitude and spill his lemonade. If you look really closely, you can see a lemonade is dark/brown color. Either it was coffee or TNA can't get clean water in the arena. Maybe it was lemonade spiked with alcohol? Oh, the Jeff Hardy Thursday special. Now available worldwide.
Match #4: Mr. Anderson vs Christopher Daniels
In my opinion, this was the best match of the night. It wasn't much, but I was really looking for something to latch onto. Kaz tries to get involved, but AJ arrives to make the save. So, I guess Mr. Asshole now owes AJ two favors? Anyway, Anderson hits Mic Check and gets the victory. It was also announced that AJ and Anderson would face Daniels and Kaz at the PPV. The build up with this one is all over the place. If you like it, more power to you; however, something is missing for this rivalry to really click in my book. D'oh, I missed.
Winner via pinfall: Mr. Anderson
Match #5: Kurt Angle vs Garett Bischoff; Five Minute Challenge
Oh, TNA….TNA…..TNA……why? What were you thinking? People can barely tolerate Garett, so you dedicate a guaranteed five minutes against an Olympic Gold Medalist? Where the hell is that remote? I'm just going to make it easy for you. This match SUCKED. It was bad, boring, and uninteresting. This match really says something about Garett. Think about it? Kurt is one of those wrestlers that can naturally make anyone look good in the ring. Not everyone can do this, but there are plenty of wrestlers that can make anyone look good, even if their skills suck. Shawn Michaels, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Randy Savage, and many others fall into this category. It really shows how much Garett sucks when Kurt freakin' Angle can't make him look good. I said this last week, but I honestly feel that Garett is getting worse. He needs to go back to school, because it's not working. Anyway, Garett is able to survive the five minutes. That's about as close as Garett will get to a victory over Kurt. After the match, Angle continues to punish Garett, but Hardy arrives for the save. Hardy is alert because of that Hardy Thursday special.
Winner via wrestling logic: some random guy
Robbie E makes an open challenge for this Sunday. He will put his TV Championship on the line. What's that I hear? Oh, it appears to be nothing. I guess that means nobody cares.
Match #6: James Storm vs Gunner
Garbage Man is not able to take out the trash this week. Storm wins with the Last Call Super Kick. After the match, Bully wants to fight, but he backs away. That will teach him. Yeah, I'm trying to move this along as fast as I can. Gotta juice.
Winner via pinfall: James Storm
The final segment of the night. It was a contract signing between Roode and Sting. Roode says Sting is jealous of his success and how Sting needs to leave this business. Sting says nothing, but flips over a table because he saw a spider. Take that, you bastard. Sting starts to rub face paint on his face, proving he learned nothing from Roode's little rant. Sting puts some face paint on his face and starts attacking him. The show ends with Sting standing tall. I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY hope that TNA is NOT going to give this victory to Sting. First of all, this match really doesn't need to happen. Second, if you're going to do the match, you might as well give it to the younger talent. For being a main event match at a PPV, I don't care. I really don't. I know I should, but I can't get into this storyline.
I honestly found Impact to be boring tonight. There was a few amusing moments in the show, but it was something that I couldn't get into. The matches were fair, but nothing worth a second take. The A Double segment was interesting, but that seems to be one of the few things that did it for me. I wouldn't call tonight's show bad since it can be viewed as tolerable, but nothing leaped out at me when I watched this show. There was a heavy emphasis on the PPV. This is a PPV I'm really not looking forward to. Most of the matches have had some mediocre build-up while other matches are just confusing to follow. You have two matches that are heel vs heel. In fact, you might have three since I don't buy that Joe and Magnus are good guys. What, so you expect me to buy into that because you teamed them up with Storm for one night? No….That's not how it works. How about a promo? How a scene that shows them being good guys? Something? Anything? Instead, you get nothing and we're supposed to accept it. Crimson is showing heel qualities while Morgan doesn't seem to buy into it. What's going on here? This whole match is a mess. They seem to be setting up Morgan and Crimson, but Joe and Magnus' character traits are really making this hard to get into. A Robbie E invitational challenge…..yeah? Be sure to mark you calendars for that one. You don't want to miss that sleeping appointment. The Anderson/Styles team has no explanation while Kaz seems to be buying into the things Daniels is telling him. Angle and Hardy have a simple feud. That's probably why that match has the most interest. Still, I expect these two to meet up in some type of rematch, so this could end up turning into a filler/set-up match. Storm vs Bully has happened countless times in the last month while Roode and Sting is something I can't buy into. Overall, this PPV doesn't look promising. It can be one of those hidden gems, but the card can easily make you skip the event. Those are my thoughts going into the PPV. I really hope I'm wrong and it turns out to be good, but I also don't have high expectations. That means I shouldn't be disappointed, right……right…….RIGHT? Anyway, that's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show. See you next time.