What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 6/6/13. How does the company move forward now that Slammiversary's over? Let's find out and start the review.
Ladders, ladders, ladders!
We open up the show with Bully Ray. He claims he has taken out all the Power Rangers and nobody can stop him, muhahahahahahaha. By the way, did anybody notice the overly douchy guy sitting in the audience during Hogan's entrance? Seriously, who attends a wrestling event and kisses their bicep on television? That's what idiot sports stars do, but damn do you radiate of douchebaginess when you're just a spectator. Did I just invent a word? If I did, I'm copyrighting that s***. Hogan comes out and introduces the main event for the evening. It was kinda hard to listen to Hulk since I was distracted by the glove on his hand. I know he wears that thing since he's recovering from a radiator blast to his hand, but I was seriously thinking Hogan was gonna start singing a Michael Jackson song. Ugh….that's disturbing. Anyway, it will be Bully vs Jeff Hardy in a Ladder match. It will be a ladder match, where you're competing for a ladder…wait, what? Yo dawg, I hear you like ladder matches, so we put a ladder on top of your ladder match. Either Hogan lost his mind or he's drunk. Speaking of drunk, Jeff Hardy arrives and literally doesn't give you an emotion. He's gonna have a chance to get his revenge on Bully Ray and he's acting like he just woke up from a nap. Hardy is like the Kevin Costner of the wrestling world--ACT!!!
Oh yeah, there's matches to talk about
Chavo vs Hernandez is the first match of the night. The purpose of this match is to earn a shot in the Bound for Glory Series. Hernandez picks up the victory via rollup. Chavo was pretty upset about the lose, so expect this to be a storyline for later. Not only would it be the cliche tag team break-up, it would also be creating one of Eddie Guerrero's storylines in the past. I think Chavo has pretty much accepted the fact he'll never step out of the Eddie shadow as long as he's an active wrestler. Oh, and did anyone catch the stupid Mike Tenay line of the night? He claimed these guys have been long-time tag partners. They haven't even been partners for a year and that now substitutes as long-time partners? Tenay really needs to shut his mouth. By the way, if you use the argument that Tenay was referring to these guys being tag wrestlers for the majority of their careers, I have to play the 'bulls*** card' on that one. You're digging way too deep to back up something that took no thought when it was said on the air. And to save time, Samoa Joe defeated Robbie E in another qualifying match. Robbie E isn't in the BFG Series? Wow, that's like the best news I've heard all day. That calls for a round of applause…
Somebody cares about the TV Championship?
Devon demands for Abyss to give him the TV Championship back. Wow, he's really determined to hold onto a pointless championship. You gotta give him credit for trying. Joseph Park comes out and wants to fight Devon. The fight goes nowhere fast, but this calls for Mick Foley and Kane's lovechild to save the day. Well…..You only get his entrance music since Joseph is no Sonic the Hedgehog. Devon claims he'll find Abyss somewhere in the back, but we also get a scene of Joseph seeing blood on his hands….
Yeah, I'm sure this won't bite Aces & Eights in the ass later in the show, but I'm sure there's a 1% chance of them being perfectly fine.
Rampage script writing?
The internet has been buzzing over the news of TNA signing MMA star Rampage Jackson. I know a lot of people are calling this a big move and I suppose it is, but didn't TNA bring in another MMA guy and has made only one appearance? I honestly don't have a whole lot to say on the signing since TNA has done moves like this in the past and went nowhere (Brian Urlacher, AJ Pierzynski, Pac-man Jones, etc, etc, etc). It also doesn't help that I know nothing about this guy since I don't know much about MMA. I've heard of him before, but that's about it. If the move is meant to mean something, I guess he could do something similar to a WWE/Brock Lesnar contract, but I honestly have no idea. I hope the move works out in TNA's benefit, but don't be surprised if he's gone after six months. Rampage definitely looks like somebody you wouldn't want to meet in a dark ally, so you can't say he doesn't look the part. He talks for a bit until Kurt Angle comes out and basically challenges him to a match whenever TNA feels when it's necessary to whore themselves out to ESPN. You might as well pencil this match in for Bound for Glory. That's pretty much what I got out of it. I don't really have a whole lot to say about Rampage since he wasn't there for long. I need to see him more on this show before I can judge on how he will turn out. At the same time, this scene wasn't very engaging. Like the ladder ladder match, it looks like they told Rampage and Kurt to create a scene out of thin air. What, are they paying Rampage by the minute? What's your excuse, TNA? One thing to add is Rampage seems like a big fan of wrestling. I may not know much about the guy, but I am aware that he really wants to be there. That's at least good to hear. I would rather have somebody there that enjoys the wrestling as opposed to being there for a quick buck.
There was a six-man tag match and a KO match. James Storm, Gunner, and Chris Sabin defeated Greatest Factor and Kenny King. The match was pretty fun. The KO match was there as a distraction, but it had been a while since we've seen Taeler Hendrix. Mickie James unleashed her bitchiness earlier in the night when she talked to Velvet Sky. I would comment more on this, but it appears Joseph Park's transformation is about done. Devon and Knox go searching for Abyss and of course run into him. We see that Knox has been taken out by Abyss while Devon is screaming for him. Out of nowhere, Abyss shows up and that spotlight officially makes this scene cheesy. Look at Abyss shadows. That's not a monster, it's an overweight Batman. How am I supposed to be intimidated by this scene? Abyss takes out Devon, but do you honestly care? As soon as I saw the Abyssabatman, it officially didn't matter where the scene went. This was seriously the funniest part of the show. That officially made my day. I would hope that it made your days as well.
Not his balls?
I thought we were getting a ladder retrieval match, but it turns out they're competing for a hammer. If you think about it, that's pretty stupid. It's one thing to compete for a championship or a contract since those mean something, but a hammer? You can find out of this under the damn ring. Hell, I bet you can run into the back and find a closet full of hammers, so do you really need to have two guys compete over on a hammer? Heck, I bet Hogan can probably fart out of a hammer if you ask him. What are the rules to this match? To be honest, you never get them. Bully ends up getting the hammer, so does that make him the victor? Is it a pinfall/submission situation afterwords? We honestly never get an answer since the match just kinda stops. I mean, wow is that bad writing. It's like they brainstormed an idea and forgot to finish it, so they just threw it on television and told the audience to figure it out themselves. Don't get me wrong. The match was good and contained some fun moments, but Hogan should never be the spokesman for new gimmick matches. Next time, think fully with the idea before green-lighting it. Another hilarious moment for the evening was Bully getting hit in the balls. He runs to Tazz and screams, 'Tazz, my balls!'. I just love Bully's response and Tazz's reaction. This was probably the only good thing Tazz has done all year. Some people would say this was the funniest part of the show, but I think The Abyss Knight still takes the cake in my book. Bully runs away from the fight and shows up backstage…..Where he looks perfectly fine even though he was bleeding a bit during the match. #Impactlive is full of crap. Anyway, Hogan is about to use the hammer he farted out of his anus to hit Bully, but Brooke Hogan comes in and tells her father to NOT hurt Bully. Oh no…..What do I say to this? I didn't like the Bully/Brooke relationship to begin with and the idea of seeing this 'Don't hurt the evil man, daddy' just makes me shake my head. I understand the reasons for doing this, but do you really have to? Isn't there another way to go about it? You know…like doing something that doesn't involve Brooke giving a human emotion? Well, I guess we have to have more daddy/daughter drama since there's still another four months until BFG. Oh boy, I just can't wait for all the pointless shenanigans.
Most people would say this was a very basic episode without a whole lot going on. While I agree that the show was basic, the over-the-top moments is what really made me enjoy the show. It was definitely entertaining for me, but would I consider this a show worth watching? I would honestly say 'no' since I'm sure you can Youtube those parts and get your laugh for the day. At the end of the day, it was just an average show, but an average show that may be worth a brief look. It's an average show, but I still had fun with it. That has to be worth something at the end of the day. Right? That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you thought of the review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.