What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today we take a look at WWE Raw 5/20/13. How do things go now that Extreme Rules is over? Let's find out and start the review.
We open the show with….Scott Steiner?
Noooooooo!!! Take my money! Take it all! Just PLEASE don't do any math equations! Actually, it turns out to be Ryback. He wastes no time and challenges John Cena to an Ambulance Match for WWE Payback. That was all fine and dandy, but the cringing part was watching Ryback heel out on the audience. It was really bad, but kinda disturbing. He pretty much says he's gonna kill Cena and the entire audience. But if you kill the audience, how will the world know that Ryback rules? Hell, he even talked about how some of these people need to commit suicide? What the hell? I don't know how I feel about that. I know he's playing a character, but for some reason that's just too far. Ryback wants to be the very best….
Regardless, it actually makes sense for the rematch to be an Ambulance match after last night. And being the boy scout he is, Cena will definitely accept the challenge. Later in the evening, Zack Ryder would face off against Cody Rhodes. You might be asking what the hell does this have to do with Ryback/Cena. Well, Ryder gets destroyed by Ryback after Cody got done kicking Ryder in the face. Damn, Ryder has been getting beaten up a lot lately. Who's Corn Flakes did he piss in to deserve this? Ryder's new role is being a rag doll for his opponents. Well, at least Ryback was nice enough to send Ryder to the hospital. While there, Ryder should think of a new career.
And thus it begins….
Something I want to try tonight is to count all the shameless plugs WWE farts out. If you've been watching Raw lately, you would've noticed how WWE has been going overboard as of late. Since I'm incredibly immature, let's introduce the WWE Produce Placement Counter. Anytime WWE plugs in other products or their own (ie: movies and Twitter), we will make the counter go up. Oh, we appear to have our first one of the evening….
And any mentions of the WWE App counts as well. Let's feed the counter…
Feed me more app….
Wasn't there a match going on? Oh yeah, we have a tag team match. It's Fandango and Wade Barrett vs Chris Jericho and Miz. It almost slipped my mind. Wade is sporting some new entrance music. I don't know why, but I just wasn't feeling Wade's entrance theme. I still think the best entrance theme Wade ever had was the Nexus theme, but that's just me. I'll give it more time, but it doesn't really suit him at the moment. Fandango pretty much said 'F*** you, Wade' and decides to dance his way out of the contest. After the IC Champion got raped, Jericho confronts the dancing fool. Fandango retreats through the audience, which allows Jericho a moment to tease Summer Raye. By the way, the commentators really want you to remember her name. They seriously dropped her name like 50 times during this segment. She must have one hell of a contract.
Vickie Guerrero comes out to….
Well, that was random. Anyway, Vickie Guerrero comes out….
Sigh…. As the contestants are being announced (This information isn't available due to not owning the WWE App. Did you get the WWE App? You're a loser if you don't get the WWE App! Download the WWE App now! Vince McMahon commands you bitches to download now! Now! Now!! NOW!!!), leave it to the commentators to plug it some more….
Okay, we're gonna have to approach this a little differently since we'll be here all night if we plug every single one. After a segment or two, I'll show where the counter is at. What was I gonna say? Oh yeah….KNOCK IT OFF, WWE!!!
I'm going home and taking my ball with me
Sheamus went up against the Titus O'Neil. I love Mark Henry's post-match interview last night. He says he's going home. I honestly don't even think he's acting anymore. I think he's literally telling you he's done. I'm going home because that's what I do. Sheamus squashes Titus, but Titus actually managed to do something during this match. I was a little surprised by that. At the same time, I wouldn't be surprised if they gave him an extra 2-3 minute match for doing the pre-show on last night's PPV. Not even the IC Champion can't get a perk like that.
The latest Paul Heyman guy is….
Paul Heyman comes out to talk about his newest client, but not before we talk about the WWE App a couple more times. You can't forget that s***. The latest Paul Heyman guy is Curtis Axel. You might remember him better as Michael McGillicutty, or Joe Hennig if you want to be authentic. The man has the in-ring ability, but I've never been a fan of his personality…or lack there of. His mic skills have always been questionable, but that's why you attach him to a guy like Paul Heyman. Just have one of the best managers in the business do the talking for him. I don't see what the big deal is. Still, I'm willing to see what he can do with his second chance. Still don't know why people are being so harsh on this when you haven't even seen it play out. Then again, the IWC has made a name for shooting down everything that doesn't remind them of their precious Attitude Era. Oh, did I say that out loud? I honestly don't mind the idea of a rookie being a Paul Heyman guy. Who says you have to have some established veteran to be a Paul Heyman guy? What, is it written down on paper? I like the idea of Pauly helping out a young talent. I think it can be a good thing for the guy. And honestly, I don't mind the new name. I kinda like the name 'Curtis Axel'. It has a nice ring to it. Then again, anything's better than 'Michael McGillicutty'. What illegal substance gave birth to that name? Triple H comes out and slaps the taste out of the rookie's mouth since that's how Triple H introduces every rookie. Yeah, it's actually written in his contract to do this. Who would've thought? Trips is set to go up against Curtis later tonight. Well, they definitely want to establish something with Curtis if they're having him go up against Triple H tonight, but we'll wait till later in the review to see if they accomplished that.
Here's another segment
Alberto Del Rio faced off against Big E Langston. Thanks to AJ, Big E picks up the victory. I think AJ has helped Big E more successfully than Dolph Ziggler. Then again, it's only a matter of time until AJ sticks her tongue down Big E's throat. You know it's coming!
Wait a second? Did Roman Reigns say 'Brains'? He's a zombie now? You learn something new each day on this show. Seth Rollins claims the Shield will….
Earlier in the night, Team Hell No started dropping minor hints that a separation is going to happen. This comes as no surprise, but I still feel a bit sad that one of the better tag teams in the last 5-6 years will be ending soon. I think they've done an incredible job and they surely will be missed. Speaking of incredible, the six man tag match was awesome. This match was given lots of time and contained a lot of spots to keep you invested. I honestly think you can consider this PPV quality action. Once the match breaks down enough for the Shield to utilize the numbers game, Shield gets the victory with a Spear by Roman Brains. They've definitely hinted at Team Hell No getting a rematch, but not so much for Kofi Kingston. Then again, does it really matter? He's pretty much not gonna do anything until WWE slaps another partner on him or it's time for him to get another mid-card championship reign. I would like to be proven wrong, but history has a way of repeating itself.
This section is brought to you by the WWE App
Time for Jack Swagger's match via the WWE App! Brought to you by the WWE App! Remember, you're human garbage for not having the WWE App! Are you a total noob? Well, you're one for not downloading this pointless app! Download it now you motherf***ers! For God sakes, this is horrible! Good Lord, there was like five plugs in just one minute. There shouldn't be this much product pushing anywhere! You suck!!! AHHHH!!!
Randy Orton won the voting, so we get a match between the two. The match was decent to say the least. Randy wins cleanly, while Swagger and Colter try to remember how their stock meant something before Swagger went out for a joyride. Don't do drugs, kids!
Lazy writing 101?
The final match of the night was Curtis going up against Triple H. Well, this isn't what I would call a match. It was more like watching two guys flail around for five minutes. I guess we will have to wait another week to see how Curtis manages to carry himself inside the ring since this wasn't the best debut. Trips was simply burnt out while performing this match, thus building up how last night's contest took a lot out of the Game. The match ended in a no contest due to Trips not being able to finish. Trips did a solid job in selling this. You really start to think something was wrong with him. He definitely sold it well, but was this the best way to debut Curtis Axel? Simply put, no. It was lazy and uninspiring. Curtis doesn't really gain much from this. In fact, he gains nothing from this. If you really wanted Curtis to go somewhere, have him punish Trips after the match. Yeah, that would've made a lot more sense if you ask me. Instead, you get the equivalent of somebody being exhausted after running in a marathon. Yeah….Not the best way to go. That's pretty much my only issue with this scene. I also have to wonder the reasoning for doing this angle. Triple H's retirement storyline? I guess that's an idea but why? They've teased his retirement so much that it's almost laughable. It can't be to further anything between Brock and Trips since they close the book on that last night. I suppose they could always milk another match between the two, but there's really no point. I guess it could be use to further the McMahon's rivalry with Paul Heyman's crew, but….actually, that isn't a bad idea. Maybe a Survivor Series elimination match between Vince's team and Heyman's crew? I kinda like the sound of that. It's too early to figure out where the angle is headed, but it can be interesting if done right.
I thought this was a pretty good episode of Raw. The action was pretty good and I thought they did a decent job with storyline development tonight. It wasn't amazing, but what do you expect for free television? Well, one of the things you expect from free television is a consistent amount of product whoring. As you saw earlier, the counter reached 33. Thirty-three? And I think I missed a few! Did you think that was enough? And I guarantee that AT LEAST 80% of those involved the WWE App. WWE is pushing this product way too much. They simply need to tone it down since it takes so much away from the show. Sooner or later, it's gonna be required to have the WWE App in order to watch this show. Even though I'm being sarcastic, it does feel like this at times. That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you g--DOWNLOAD THE APP!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!