What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 3/28/13. How does Impact fair this week? Let's find out and start the review.
Aces & Eights brawl quota has been reached for the day
We open up the show with Jeff Hardy. The man tries to hype up his title match with Bully Ray, but all I heard was blah blah blah. As long as he sells merchandise, he doesn't need to put effort into promos. Speaking of merch, Bully and Mr, Anderson talk about how Hardy always gets second chances handed to him. Make sure nobody tells John Cena about this. He'll flip his s*** once he finds out. Anyway, Aces & Eights attack Hardy until Kurt Angle's band of misfits come in for the save. Again, I love how Card Games shows their toughness by running away from the numbers advantage. I know it's wrestling logic since heels always run away from fights, but it's still kinda dumb. Because of Anderson's comments, Hardy challenges him to Open Fight Night. Sigh….Why does this concept still exist? I really would like to know since I don't see it getting a whole lot of use….
Anyway, I wasn't really blown away with the opening. Anderson gave another bland promo. Remember when this guy put effort into his art? I really hate it when I see people who have the tools to be something, but piss it away due to laziness. Since I didn't review last week's show, I should bring up how Hardy became the #1 Contender by defeating three other guys. I love how Hulk Hogan's logic for taking back the world title is to have members of his own army beat the crap out of each other. That's a good thinkin'. Wrestling logic can make you stupid sometimes.
If I had a nickel every time I saw this match….
I think I'm noticing a trend with both companies. WWE and TNA aren't doing a whole lot with the tag division. It just seems that both have the same matches in the division every single week/month. It gets monotonous pretty fast. Both companies need to go back to the drawing board cuz while they have elements that are entertaining (Team Hell No/Greatest Factor), they have lost sight of the division as a whole. Chavo and Hernandez earned another tag title shot by defeating Bad Influence. Gooooooooooood…….
I'm talking about another women's segment this week? Must be a really slow week in the wrestling world. If you missed last week's show, you would recall Taryn Terrell getting fired as an official and hired to be a Knockout. Wasn't she already a KO? I think if you're a woman in that company, you're already a KO. That's the way I see it, but TNA wants to make this mean something for the next month, so just play along. She wants to challenge Gail Kim, but Gail answers her challenge by having Tara show up. I thought the rules to OFN were if you got challenge, you fight? I'm guessing Gail paid off the Hogans with a quickie. Just as Taryn is awaiting Tara, Gail attacks her. The ladies keep attacking Taryn until Velvet Sky jogs in for the save. Seriously, she's jogging to the ring. Don't strain yourself too hard, Velvet. Wouldn't want to pull a hamstring. After a commercial break, the ladies are talking backstage until Taryn's Bitch-Dar goes off to attack Gail and Tara. I love how Gail and Tara are casually walking past the ladies while being completely oblivious to their surroundings. Apparently, they had a derp moment. It's so stupid that it's hilarious. That seriously made my day. I really don't have much to say about the Taryn/Gail rivalry. I'm indifferent to this storyline.
Hogan vs Sting: Part 3467
Hulk continues to blame Sting for Bully getting one over on them, but Sting claims Hulk should take the blame since he went along with it. Wow, things are getting hostile between these grumpy men. It got to the point where Hulk wanted Sting to leave his ring, but Sting wanted to right. I'm gonna kick your ass, brother! Just…..Let me take my medication and nap first, brother! Brother!!! BROTHER!!! Where's my brother? And thus, Hulk's retirement years was born. What the hell am I talking about? I really don't know, but this is seriously what's going through my head as I'm watching this. Instead of dealing with the problem, Hulk and Sting have resorted back to fighting each other. What they need to do is f*** each other and move on. If they do that, I'm sure if will solve their problem. I can be a dick sometimes.
Rockets & Sixteens
There was a brief insight to the Gut Check performers for next week. Hey, I didn't know Rey Mysterio was working in TNA….
While James Storm is trying to get answers out of AJ Styles, AJ just stands there wondering if his Hot Pocket was cooked properly. Card Games attacks Storm and AJ walks away. Styles has become the equivalent of an emo person based on his actions. Nobody loves me, so now I'm gonna go home to cut my wrist. Ugggggh. Kurt Angle and Eric Young come out for the save. Kurt pulls a Teddy Long and declares a tag team match, playa! The show has another 30-40 minutes left and we're barely getting to the second match. Open Fight Night, Ladies and Gentlemen! Don't forget that! Anyway, Wes Brisco picks up the victory with a rollup on Angle. What's up with Brisco during this scene? He kinda had the crazy-eyes going there for a moment. Just more Aces & Eights stuff that isn't engaging. If it wasn't already apparent that TNA was rolling out filler, I think this should convince you now. In fact, I might as well talk about the final match between Hardy and Anderson, but not before Anderson wants to go crrrrrraaaaaazy tonight. What the hell happened to him? Did he snort up all the cocaine TNA had lying around? Seriously, I am concerned for his health. This was probably the best match of the night, but something about it couldn't keep me invested for very long. At least I didn't see 5-6 matches that reached a grand total of 10 minutes. Anderson wins the match when he whips out that crrrrrraaaaaaazy hammer, but Hardy intercepts it and uses it on Anderson for the crrrrrraaaaaazy DQ. After the match, Hardy goes insane with crrrrrraaaaaazy weapons. Okay, I need to stop doing that. After Bully finally saves hi--What took him so long to save him? Court date meeting with Brooke's attorney? Bully saves Anderson from a table kabob. The show ends with Hardy naming the stipulation for their future world title match. It will be Bully vs Hardy in Full Metal Mayhem. I like this announcement. This match will be featured on free television and I think it can be a lot of fun until it comes time to do the shenanigans. Hardy definitely works better when he doesn't talk. He should just become a mime on this show. His promo skills isn't what got him over. It was his in-ring style that did it, so they should just stick to that. If it isn't broken, don't fix it. If only wrestling companies would remember that phrase more often.
Tonight really felt like a filler episode. Not a whole lot of new things really happened and it was mostly just a follow-up to everything that's happened after Lockdown. This wasn't a bad episode by any stretch. It was mostly a dull showing from my perspective. I think I come out like this because I'm not the most engaged with the Aces & Eights angle. It has gotten a little better since Bully took the lead, but it still feels like the entire show is centered on this angle. While it's the main storyline, it doesn't need to cloud everything. Again, I understand the idea, but we can use more breaks from the stable if you know what I mean. I like elements of the Styles angle. Most people wish he would say something, but I feel him being silent is okay for the time being. Still, he does need to explain himself at some point. I'm really digging to find things I'm enjoying with TNA, but I'll admit that I've lost some interest with their current direction. I really hope things change sooner, but something tells me it could be a while until that happens. Well, I better wrap this up. Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.