What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 3/14/13. Generic opening, followed by generic intro.
We open up the show with a tag team match. So, instead of opening up the show with Bully Ray or the Aces & Eights, you start off the show with th--never mind. As soon as I started to question this, Card Games takes out Chavo and Hernandez. Bully makes his way to the ring and bullies Hulk Hogan to fire the entire stable after setting up everybody for nine months. Yeah, like wrestling logic would allow somebody to make a decision that would actually make sense. Why do that when we can watch more Aces & Eights brawls between TNA guys for another year? Oh God, imagine if this is still going on a year from now? Now would be a good time to start crying. So, the shows starts off the way I expected. Bully went back to his roots, cut a heel promo and it works. Like I mentioned in the Lockdown review, Bully fits as a true bad guy. At the same time, will anything truly change now that Bully has been revealed as the President? Will Jobbers & Eights finally mean something? Well, only one way to find out.
Two matches = Nap Time
For attacking Gail Kim during the KO title match at LD, Taryn is on probation. That's her punishment? How does that equal a punishment? But the better question is should we care about any of this? The KOs have a tag team match that goes pretty much nowhere. Gail and Taryn had another moment of shenanigans, while Velvet Sky wins with the In Yo Face. I hate that name for a finisher. It just sounds like you're trying too hard to be hip and cool. Meanwhile, Card Games is having 100 bottles of idiots at the table. These scenes played throughout the night. They consisted of Bully trying to talk to his wife and Bully thanking all the members of the stable if they end up getting fired. Wow, these guys are taking total loss of income rather well. I would be pissed if that happened to me, but this is Aces & Eights we are talking about here. I think they are satisfied with the 50 STDs they got from all the hookers. Another Robbie E/Robbie T match? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? And did I seriously hear 'Feed me more' chants? The thing I found the most hilarious was hearing this chant and Terry respond by dancing. I think all that testosterone shot up into his brain, thus he don't think so well. Terry dance now. Terry do good.
Sting is trying to talk to Hulk about a new plan of attack, but Hulk has had enough of his boyfriend's request. Apparently, it's Sting's fault since he trusted Bully. Yeah, and it surly had nothing to do with Hogan and Sting having NO REAL PLAN to take down these guys. Yeah, who f***ed up there? Maybe if we close our eyes, the problem will just magically go away? Seriously, this might as well have been their plan. In the meantime, Hogan claims the movie is over. There was a movie playing during all of this? Why didn't somebody tell me? Dammit, I missed out!
AJ Styles returns. Aces and Nines?
Everybody, please welcome back AJ Styles. Um….AJ Styles. AJ Styles? Instead of Styles, Bad Influence comes out to play tribute to Trademark. They dress like Copyright and say the catchphrase' Oh, what an infringement!!!' Yeah, so they were trying to spoof the Road Warriors. What I found hilarious is how Bad Influence is trying to avoid saying it, but the commentary team says it without even thinking about it. At this very second, Vince McMahon is counting his invisible money. For some reason, James Storm comes out to defend the honor of the Trademark symbol. Geeze, it seems like Storm is forever stuck in this Styles/Bad Influence drama. Storm and Daniels proceed to have a match that is watchable. Storm picks up the clean victory. After the match, Styles finally shows up and attacks Kaz and Daniels. Styles and Daniels is starting all over again…..
Styles attacks Storm? What? Styles did something different? Well, it isn't groundbreaking, but at least it's something. It's hard to determine what Styles' intentions are for the time being. He isn't face, but isn't a heel. He's just a dick for the time being. This will at least keep my interest until we get an answer, but why do I get the feeling we won't get an answer for another three months? It just sounds like something TNA would do. I really hope I'm wrong, but don't say I didn't tell you so.
Cheap Park Central
Joseph Park has really mastered that 'skill'. While Joseph continues to absorb all the cheapness, Matt Morgan interrupts since he doesn't like Joseph making a mockery out of the wrestling business. Yeah, cuz all the dancing characters in the business had nothing to do with that. Joseph is about to leave the ring until Morgan claims everybody from Chicago is a bunch of cowards. Joseph Park is fighting for Chicago? What's next? Steve Bartman to help him out? Anyway, Joseph is about to fight, but Morgan says he does things on his time. To make the lawyer character even more gullible, Morgan takes him out with the Carbon Footprint. Apparently, these two will have a match next week. Oh boy, I just can't wait for that exciting match. Seriously, what kind of feud do you think will come out of this? Say it out loud. Morgan vs Park? I don't even want to think of this right now. It won't end pretty. Of course, they could always prove me wrong.
Sting vs Austin Aries
Instead of taking his frustrations out on the person who made him look like a fool, he wants to fight Aries? Yep, makes total sense to me. Tazz's dirty heels joke was terrible. Speaking of which, is that really gonna be the name of Roode and Aries' tag team? I honestly would've preferred Greatest Factor, but it was also my idea. This was probably the best match of the night, but not one of these matches really stuck out. To be fair, TNA just got off a major PPV, so it's common to get a lot more explanation than action. The finish comes when Card Games attacks Sting, thus resulting in a DQ. After the beat down, Bully wants Hulk to fire them…..again. Oh no! The show's starting over! Noooooo!!! After a commercial break, Hulk comes out and says firing Bully would be too easy. Too easy or ridiculous? Hogan's new plan is to…..Send the locker room out to fight the stable? It hasn't worked for nine months, Hulk. Why the hell would it start working now? The key to defeating Aces & Eights is to make it a match and not a pointless brawl. Card Games takes down TNA and that's how the show ends. So, you end the show the same way you've been doing for the last nine months? I'm sorry, but that's pathetic. Reckon I probably shouldn't have expected anything, but that was just lazy. This is so 'NWO' that it hurts. Will an idea that worked 15+ years ago really help out TNA? While the NWO did a lot of wonders for WCW, it also spelled disaster for WCW. I know there are people who like this angle, but I'm finding this more of a chore to watch rather than fun. There's something wrong when that starts happening. If I wanted to watch WCW, I'll watch old WCW tapes/DVDs. I don't need a watered-down version of it on Spike TV.
I really wasn't a big fan of tonight's show, but I think I'm realizing why this has been happening to me with the current product. I've made it apparent that I don't like the Aces & Eights storyline because it has dragged for months, the stable is nonthreatening, and the cast of people in this stable just aren't intriguing or interesting to look at. This isn't the worst storyline I've ever seen, but this storyline has really tired me out. I'm Aces & Eights-out to the point where I'm looking at the other things on this show to see if something will pull me in. Once in a while, Card Games gets me to pay attention, but that moment doesn't last for very long. If you like the Aces & Eights, that's fine. You obviously see something out of this that I'm not seeing. I think it's that time to call it a night. If I keep going, TNA fans will curse me out. Yes, how dare you have an opinion different from me. See, I'm already getting the ball rolling. Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.