Monday, February 4, 2013

WrestlingNerd Presents: WWE Raw 2/4/13 Review (This review is brought to you by the WWE App....)

What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at WWE Raw 2/4/13. How was the show this week? Let's find out and start the review. 

We open up the show with CM Punk. He's still bitter about losing the championship, but seems a little more collective. Punk tries to ensure you that Vince McMahon created that video with the help of CGI. If WWE was really using CGI, you would see Cena hulk up by gaining 1000 more pounds of muscle, lift up the freakin' arena with one finger, and proceed to fly around the world. Punk claims the audience is a bunch of idiots and Vince deserved the F5. The managing manager--I mean, the general managing-managing mag-general assassin--gen--general grievous--supervising managing--…..THAT GUY!!! The managing manager of the show decides to let the fans vote, but only if you have the WWE App. Why do I think that WWE will have one of their PPVs sponsored by Twitter sometime down the road? This was a nice way to start off the show. It wasn't captivating, but it was decent for what it was worth. 

Match #1: Ryback vs Antonio Cesaro
For what it was worth, the match wasn't too bad. Antonio can say, 'Feed me more' in five different languages. The finish comes when Ryback hits Shell Shock for the clean victory. Feed me Swiss Cheese!!!

Winner via pinfall: Ryback

Apparently, John Cena plans to call out the Shield tonight. I guess Cena got one of his capes from the cleaners and is ready to go. Anybody else think WWE is going a tad overboard by pushing the WWE App? It shouldn't even call it Monday Night Raw. It should be called Product Placement: Starring the WWE App. DOWNLOAD TODAY!!! WWE's slogan for 2013: Download the WWE App or we will kill you!!!

Match #2: Jack Swagger vs Santino
I love how they're trying to convince you that this is a new Swagger. Same moves, same boring personality, and same suffering succotash. It's 'amazing' how Swagger is tapping into a different being. This might be the worst return ever. For the record, I will never question Swagger's ability. He's very talented in the ring, but that's all he has going for him. Swagger wins this match in a matter of seconds. It wouldn't be Raw if we didn't have one match that lasted for about 30 seconds. Swagger now calls the Ankle Lock by a new name. Ladies and gentlemen, behold the Patriot Act. I'm surprised they didn't call it #Swaggerfinisher. Then again, we'll just end up getting another drunken rant from Mr. Broken Freakin' Neck, so this was the substitute. 

Winner via submission: Jack Swagger

Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs Cody Rhodes
Why does Rhodes' mustache deal remind me of that one moron from NXT season 2? I know I could look it up and find his name, but that would imply that I give a s***. This is the WrestlingNerd, where professionalism went out the window since day 1. In a short match, Del Rio wins with the Cross Armbreaker. After the match, Del Rio talks about how much he loves the audience and isn't too happy about what Big Show did to Ricardo. Show is on the titantron and claims Del Rio should sign a contract to grant Show another match for the WHC. Show claims if Del Rio tries to find him (hotel room), he will kick his ass. Show would've made it tonight, but found some great cuisine that is taking up the rest of his time. He's either a slow eater or that was his second/third helping.  

Winner via submission: Alberto Del Rio

Match #4: Daniel Bryan vs Rey Mysterio
It seems that the breakup of Team Hell No is coming. I'm not really enjoying how they're going about ending this angle. After all the odd couple bits, it just seems lazy and redundant to have them end the same way they teamed up. How can you end a great storyline in such a lazy/cliche way? I'm sorry, but that kinda bothers me. It was also announced that Mysterio has punched his ticket for the Elimination Chamber match. I don't have a problem with this move. Mysterio is always a good guy to use in a pinch. I've always appreciated his work. In a good match, Bryan wins with the No Lock. After the match, Mark Henry makes his return and takes out Bryan in a matter of seconds, but he mostly focuses his attack on Mysterio. Why Mysterio? Did he eat his dog or something? Hard to say where this is going, but we shall wait and see. Kinda hard for me to care about Henry's return after seeing Brock Lesnar's return last week. That's one way to make an 'impression'. 

Winner via submission: Daniel Bryan

Match #5: Sheamus vs Kane
To make the breakup progress, Daniel interrupts this match to complain as to why Kane didn't help him out when Henry took him out. Because of the distraction, Sheamus is able to hit the Brogue Kick for the victory. Looks like there will be no loving with Team Hell No later tonight. 

Winner via jealously: Sheamus

It's time for Miz TV. Miz's guest turns out to be Paul Heyman. Miz asks about all the Shield/Brad Maddox stuff, while Paul tries to twist it around and talk about how CM Punk got screwed over by Vince. Vickie Guerrero comes out and claims she signed Brock Lesnar to a contract, so Paul had nothing to do with the Vince attack. Because Brock didn't feel like counting his money, he comes out to take out Miz. Based on how things are going, it isn't absolute that Brock/Triple H will happen at WM. It seems both Brock and Punk have some issues with the chairman, so either Brock/Trips or Punk/Trips is something I could see happening. The only issue is regardless of which match you pick, you run into a situation where either Punk or Brock are just sitting on the sidelines waiting for something else to come up. I think it will be that aspect that keeps me invested in the potential WM card. It will be interesting to see what both guys end up doing. 

Match #6: Randy Orton vs Wade Barrett
It turns out that Randy will also be competing in the EC match. That's a no-brainer. Nobody should be surprised by this. I love how King is impressed by Randy's victory over Wade. He beats Wade all the time. Hell, he beat him last week on Smackdown. Oh yeah, nobody watches Smackdown. Silly me! Randy wins cleanly with the RKO. It's official. The IC Title is cursed. 

Winner via pointless championship: Randy Orton

Match #7: CM Punk vs Chris Jericho
Jericho ended up winning the WWE App poll. Did you remember to download it? Punk and Jericho go out there and put together a pretty good match. The finish comes when Punk hits the GTS for the clean victory. I'm kinda surprised that Dolph Ziggler didn't get in the middle of this. Speaking of which, Dolph wasn't even on the show tonight. I don't think it's that big of a deal. If anything, he will probably compete on SD to get in the EC match. I think it was important to give Punk the clean victory over a big name. It helps build up his credibility as he challenges the Rock at EC. Still, it is a bit odd to not have Dolph on this week. 

Winner via pinfall: CM Punk

Oh yeah, Show and Del Rio never ended their segment. Why do I get the feeling the writers forgot about this while creating the script? The fight felt very phoned in. This might've been worse than their brawl on SD. I like their rivalry, but the last two brawls between these guys have not been planned out very well. Time for the final segment of the night. Brad Maddox comes out and claims that he's a hero for exposing Paul Heyman for what he is. Well, it isn't like it was hard. Pauly has been an evil character for years, but I digress. Maddox calls out the Shield since he wants to prove that he's more of a hero than Cena….

Shield arrives and pretty much kicks the crap out of Maddox. Cena's music hits, but it turns out he has reinforcements. I'm John Cena and I rise above lying. Ryback and Sheamus help out Cena to make it a fair fight. Shield is doing okay, but realize they are in way over their head. The show ends with Shield retreating through the live audience. I know people will say this makes Shield look weak, but I don't see it that way. What this does is build up the eventual six-man tag match between Cena's Fruity Pebbles and the Shield. After all, those guys have to do something for EC. 

Overall Impression:
I thought tonight's show was pretty decent. It was definitely more consistent than last week's show. At least this episode actually had some damn flow to it. I thought the show progressed their storylines decently and the action wasn't bad either. It wasn't amazing, but there's some fun stuff to watch. The show progressed things as we move closer to EC. In the process, we also get a glimmer of light shed on possible WrestleMania matches. There's still lots of time to come up with the card, so there's no need to hit the panic button. Who am I kidding? The smarks hit that button the second Rock touched the WWE Championship. One thing I didn't bring up is Bruno Sammartino being inducted in the Hall of Fame. This is another move that should've happened a long time ago, but it's better late than never. That's gonna do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one. 


  1. Then, how about we put CM Punk and Brock Lensar into a tag team match, playa?

  2. You know, even if The Rock is only wrestling PPVs doesn't mean he can't actually APPEAR on Raw. What kind of sense does that make to have your WWE champion not show up on your brand? Where was The Rock tonight, filming Tooth Fairy 2?

    1. Not for nothing, but I actually think there really is a Tooth Fairy 2. If anything, it would be Tooth Fairy 3: Delivering Via Satellite.

  3. Blob of sentence after blob of sentence complaints. Sometimes I wonder why you even watch wrestling.

    1. It isn't my fault you don't have a sense of humor. My reviews aren't meant to be taken seriously and I'm just here to have a little fun.

  4. Punk v Jericho was more than "pretty good match" was the ONLY standout match of the night. The crowd actually woke up for this...the Atlanta crowd the WHOLE night was freaking terrible, made me wonder why they paid for their seats if they just sit there with hardly any emotion. /endrant

  5. How about punk,cena and the rock in a triple threat match and lesner v/s trips...
    That sounds perfect

  6. I noticed that now Brock is back, CM Punk's alliance with Heyman has seem to come to an abrupt end. Will this get resolved by WM? Who knows, but I think it is safe to assume a match at EC between Brock and Miz cause it is apparent that Lesner (like The Rock) doesn't wrestle on free TV.

    I won't jump the gun just yet with saying Team Hell No will break up. They seem to be doing the same shtick they did before their mini-feud with The Shield. Though that doesn't seem to matter as I stated on your recent Smackdown review, the tag team division has ceased whatever credibility it was gaining back.

  7. Super Cena, Shameless & Goldberg Jr. coming to the ring in Shield style absolutely sucked. I know the commentators had an orgasm when they saw that but believe me it sucked big time.