What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at WWE Raw 2/11/13. With Elimination Chamber set for this week, how does this episode fair? Let's find out and begin.
We open up the show with Paul Heyman. The man explains how he has to resign because he feels he will become a burden for CM Punk. Punk comes out and persuades Pauly to stay and…..He stays. Yeah, that was seriously it? So, this is what I make out of the opening….
CM Punk: Pauly, you should stay
Heyman: I can't
CM Punk: Pauly, you should STAY!
What? Most people would think of this opening as a waste of time, but I think I figured out what WWE was trying to do. If you look at Punk's devious look while hugging Paul, I can sense Punk betraying Heyman in order to better himself, but that probably won't happen until later down the road. Punk is setting up the ultimate con-artist for disaster? Wow, Punk really is a sadistic asshole if that's the case. Other than that, there really was no point to this opening. Only thing to do now is wait and see what comes out of this in the future….
Match #1: Mark Henry vs Khali
I love how King and Cole claimed the previous scene was the most ridiculous thing they've ever seen. Aren't we watching a Punjabi, a Canadian, and a midget attempting to dance? Yeah, think about that. Henry takes out Khali with the World's Strongest Slam. After the match, Henry eats a leprechaun. Sadly, he'll be dancing again later in the week.
Winner via hunger: Mark Henry
Paul talks to Vince McMahon over the phone to add a stipulation that awards Punk the title if Rocky gets DQ'd or counted out. Vince gives Pauly the 'okay' when he agrees to do whatever he wants. I think a certain 'club' is about to make a comeback. Well, at least the phone call was worth a laugh.
Match #2: Chris Jericho vs Daniel Bryan
Earlier in the night, Jericho asked Booker if he can compete in the EC match, but not before telling Teddy Long that his idea sucks. What, you don't dig tag matches, playa? See, even WWE is self-aware of Teddy's cliches. Booker tells him if he can beat Bryan, he will put him in the EC match. It appears that Rey Mysterio is out of the match. Why? Ummm….Sin Cara Syndrome? Apparently, it was because of the Henry attack from last week. Didn't he just return? So, he returns only to make another return in a few weeks? …..Makes sense to me. Jericho scared the crap out of me when he did Booker's catchphrase. I thought he was gonna eat the camera for a moment. Anyway, this was a fantastic match. It was hands down the best match of the night. Jericho wins the match with the Codebreaker. Jericho ends up qualifying for the EC match.
Winner via pinfall: Chris Jericho
Match #3: John Cena's Breakfast Club vs 3MJobbers
I'm actually surprised by this match. Want to know why? Because it lasted longer than 30 seconds. Do I really have to explain who won? After the match, the guys cut a quick promo on how they plan to attack the Shield tonight. Yes, because telling everybody you plan is always the best way to go. Then again, Cena hasn't been subtly about these things since he became the face of this company, but I digress.
Winner via superhero power: John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback
As Big Show is making his way towards the ring, he punches Alex Riley and Yoshi Tatsu since he has developed a vendetta against WWE Superstars. Show follows up by knocking out Matt Striker in the ring. He is a man of few words, if you ask me. It seems an aristocrat has his tongue. I know, I know….BOOOOOO!!!
Match #4: Jack Swagger vs Zack Ryder
Swagger dominated this match. After the match, some fat guy walks into the ring and claims him and Swagger are true Americans and think this country has gone downhill. So, the question going through my head is who the f*** is this dude? Well, he apparently goes by the name 'Zeb Coulter'. Sigh….I see what they did there. Look at the way he dresses? The man talks about being a real American, but looks like he drinks is own piss for breakfast. Before I get people to correct me, I get what they are trying to do here. Zeb is supposed to be the southern stereotype where they are overly patriotic….I mean, VERY patriotic. WWE and stereotypes have been working together since day 1, so it as almost apparent for this character to come about…..Again. I'll admit that the promo Zeb cut was pretty decent. I've talked about how Swagger needs a voice because the man cannot cut a promo to save his life. Zeb is there to give him a voice. Hard to say what will come from this, but I suppose it could be worse. Starting next week, Swagger's entrance music is 'America F*** Yeah!'……'murcia.
Winner via stereotypes: Jack Swagger
Match #5: Miz vs Cody Rhodes
Thanks to Antonio Cesaro, this match ends in a DQ when he attacks the Miz. This scene ends with Antonio beating the crap out of Miz. I just hope this match is way better than the match they put on at RR. I'm not saying it was bad. I'm just saying that it was a very forgettable.
Winner via DQ: Miz
Match #6: Failed Fatties vs Puerto Rican Express
Brodus and Tensai kill Primo and Epico in a matter of seconds. After the match, the two start to dance. I know people hate this idea, but I'm fine with this move because it at least gives them something to do. Better to be doing something rather than nothing. Besides, Tensai is dancing…..He should feel right at home. Oh, and I should mention how Dolph Ziggler demanded to be in the EC match because of Jericho clinching a spot earlier. Since five slots are filled (Swagger being #5), Booker makes it simple. Whoever wins between Dolph and Kane gets the final slot. Still banking on that Dolph/Jericho match for WM, but we shall wait and see.
Winner via pinfall: Brodus Clay and Tensai
The Shield comes out to cut a promo. They call out Sheamus, Ryback, and Cena on their antics. I love how Seth Rollins claims that Cena has failed in his existence. I don't know why, but I like the way he delivers this line. It sounds so over the top that I just laugh. YOU EXIST….IT'S NO USE!!! Speaking of over the top, listen to Roman Reigns here. Why does he shout at random moments? It's like the man is TALKING TO YOU in such a way that just RAPES YOUR EARS for not reason AT ALL. Watch him say 'decade'. It sounds like he's trying to pass a kidney stone. Was this promo cut in the ring or on a toilet? Anyway, the promo end--BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD!!! Ehem…..Cena and crew turn out the lights and attack the Shield. The scene ends with the good guys standing tall. I know the promo is meant to be taken seriously, but that was so over the top that I can't help myself. That's just too funny. Regardless of how funny the delivery was, I thought it was a pretty good promo. The segment is definitely worth checking out.
Match #7: Alberto Del Rio vs Damien Sandow
In a matter of seconds, Del Rio defeats Sandow. I will become your intellectual jobber. Where every ignoramus will be able to whip my ass…..You're welcome. I really hope that isn't the case. There's too much potential for him to just be a punching bag. Del Rio seems prepped for his match with Show. After all, how can you be calm and collective when you see a giant knock out a bunch of future endeavors? The nerve!!!
Winner via submission: Alberto Del Rio
Match #8: Wade Barrett vs Kofi Kingston
Before the match, Wade got into a backstage scuffle with Bo Dallas. Yeah, remember him? Anyway, he ends up hurting Wade before his match. Wade sells his injuries, but that still isn't enough for the kitty cat to take down the Brit. Wade wins with the Bullhammer. I know WWE's trying to make this Wade/Dallas thing mean something, but I just don't care. Wade has fallen since winning the IC title and Bo is just a bland wrestler. That's the recipe to not give two s***s about this rivalry.
Winner via zzzzzzz: Wade Barrett
Match #9: Dolph Ziggler vs Kane
This match wasn't too bad. The finish comes when AJ causes a distraction, but ends up screwing over Dolph in the process. It was clear that Kane wasn't interested in AJ. I guess he had enough of that last year. He's probably still washing away the shame. Anyway, Kane hits the Chokeslam for the victory. Kane ends up getting the final slot for the EC match. I love how Kane got three opportunities to impress Booker. I guess when you fail, try and try again. Not sure if I will be doing any predictions, so I might as well give a quick theory. Since I've been thinking about this Dolph/Jericho idea since last year, I think Dolph cashes in the MITB on Del Rio this Sunday and Jericho wins the EC match. I could be totally wrong with this option, but that's my theory for the time being. This is subject to change by the WrestlingNerd. The WrestlingNerd has been known to talk out of his ass and say otherwise….Wait, what?
Winner via pinfall: Dolph Ziggler
Oh, did you know the Rock was gonna be on tonight? I never would've guessed with all that plugging. I guess WWE really wanted to get those casual viewers to jack up the ratings by reminding you every five minutes. The Rock comes out to talk about crackheads and stealing a car. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing, but I can at least admit that it was entertaining. Since the cheap pop is over, Punk comes out to confront the Rock about the WWE Championship. The two start to brawl. Rocky has the upper-hand, but Punk takes advantage because of Pauly's distraction. Punk hits the GTS and the show ends with Punk taking the WWE Championship. The build to this rematch has been very lackluster, but I think WWE did that on purpose. I still think Rock/Cena 2 is the likely scenario, but I guess they can always surprise you with a triple threat match. They did write a cop-out with the WWE title stipulation, so I guess we could see Punk take the title back this Sunday. I personally don't think this will happen, but let's wait and see.
I really enjoyed tonight's episode. The matches were pretty good. That's a surprise since this is the 'go home' episode. I thought the build for EC and WM was done pretty well this evening. The segments for tonight's show were pretty entertaining. I really liked what WWE dished out tonight. This is an episode that I can recommend checking out. I think this is one of the better ones as of late. That's gonna do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. TNA and Smackdown reviews for this week may or may not happen since Valentine's Day is on Thursday and I'm gonna be out of town for the upcoming weekend. Sorry guys and girls, but I've always said my personal life comes before this page. I apologize in advance if I don't get to these shows, but I will definitely be tackling Elimination Chamber. That much I can promise. Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.