What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today we take a look at WWE SummerSlam 2013. With all the hype put into this show, does it deliver? Let's find out and begin.
It's a wrestling match, but with FIIIIIRRE!!!
As the case with the modern era, we have to start with the pre-show. Dean Ambrose put the United States Championship on the line against RVD. Sure enough, the Shield would join the party, but RVD has backup in Mark Henry and Bipolar Show. The match does its job to get the action started and maybe get itself a couple of extra buys for the event. Even the commentators have to comment if you can fell it. Can you feel it…
Your head might explode if you stare at that too long. RVD hits the Frog Splash, but Shield runs interference to cause a DQ. This shouldn't come as a surprise since WWE learned its lesson after doing a title change on a pre-show. All right, let's begin with the actual PPV. After the Miz gets interrupted by Fandango, Jojo sings the national anthem. I love how the transition goes from national anthem to some f***ed up imagery by the Wyatt family. That's something we can get down with, am I right!? The first match of the night was Kane vs Bray Wyatt in the Ring of Fire match. As the match progresses, Harper and Rowan were searching for a way to get in the ring. You think with all that time to prepare that they would invest in some fireproof suits, but I'm guessing you can't find that out in the boonies. Maybe Leatherface can loan one out? Kane has Bray right where he wants him, but Harper and Rowan cover up one side of the ring with a fireproof tarp… Yeah, why was that there? I love how the firefighters just watch these strangers steal their stuff to benefit themselves. Wrestling logic at its finest, ladies and gentlemen. Harper and Rowan take out the monster, which allows the monster to pin the monster…ball? Anyway, the match was slow to say the least. It wasn't terrible, but it was just too basic and plain. I would've liked to see more offense, but I can understand why this wasn't the case. After the match, the Wyatt family continue to punish Kane by smashing his face near the steel steps. Oh no, that will ruin his hearing! The Wyatt family take Kane away and presumably do awful things to him. Based on the fact Kane is set to film See No Evil 2, this is obviously a way to write him off. I am interested to see how Kane is brought back. Does he come back to challenge the Wyatts or do they brainwash Kane to become one of them? I guess we'll find out in a few months. One of us! One of us!!
Razor blades and random chanting
Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes had a decent match. Nothing you would call 'epic', but it was still entertaining. I love how Cody did a Goldust move and sported some gold trunks this evening. Foreshadowing to something or just coincidence? I would say coincidence, but it's amazing how something like this will start getting the ball rolling on wrestling forums. Cody finally shaved the mustache and finally looks like dignified human being. Thank God, there was only so much pedo-Rhodes you can put on television. Cody hits the Cross Rhodes and defeats his former tag partner. This doesn't really end things between the two since there's enough with the rivalry to milk another match, but something tells me a rematch would involve putting the MITB on the line. Call it a hunch, if you will. I know I'm jumping ahead for a moment, but I kinda want to get this diva match out of the way. For the most part, it was okay, but it was only there to give the cast of Total Divas some love. You can tell that a good chunk of the audience didn't care for this match since they were chanting anything they could find during this match. It kinda makes you feel bad for the ladies. Natalya and Brie Bella were trying, but it just wasn't in the cards tonight. Natalya wins with the Sharpshooter. The segment ends with the Funkadactyls celebrating…
Funkadactyls: Yay, we were totally pointless for this match!!!
One more match?
Stepping back for a moment, we can now get to the Alberto Del Rio/Christian match. In terms of wrestling quality, the match was good, but I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have the most interest in this one. Still, I found something very fun about the match for what it was worth. Christian hits the Spear, but his arm injury from earlier in the match prevents him from making the cover. Del Rio harnesses the power of chorizo to lock in the Cross Armbreaker and win the match. My theory for a while has been for Dolph Ziggler to defeat Del Rio for the WHC, but not until he's done with AJ. In the meantime, Del Rio has to wait, so we get to see a wave of filler title defenses until it's time for Dolph to get his shot. So far, my theory is on the right track. By the way, what is WWE's obsession with Maria Menounos? I don't have any issues with her getting involved since it's cheap publicity, but I just want to know why. I think that's an honest question. What's funny about it is I've seen more matches from Maria Menounos in the past two years than from Yoshi Tatsu, Evan Bourne, and Curt Hawkins combined. Yeah, that one's a thinker. Funny how the running joke in Fandango has become the running joke for tonight's show with the Miz. To be honest, I liked these segments. They were silly, but that's what made them fun in the first place. Meanwhile, Ryback continues to put the 'douche' in douchebag…
Again, I'm getting a simple charm from these segments because of how over-the-top it is. I've said for months that Ryback's heel character is the equivalent of an 80s bully, but he might be closer to a bully from an episode of 'Family Matters' or 'Full House'. Trust me, that's not exactly a complement. Ryback, you might be terrible at insults, but this is what's making you funny.
Punk vs Brock
The CM Punk/Brock Lesnar had a slight change made at the last moment. Instead of a one fall match, this one became a No DQ match. In all honesty, it should've been a No DQ from the beginning, but the announcement is better late than never. This was a great match. It had action, big spots, ruthlessness, energy, and it told a great story. If you've been reading my articles for a while, you would know that I didn't care for the first Brock/Triple H match. While both guys have different in-ring styles, their chemistry couldn't match up in a wrestling ring and thus, it felt awkward seeing these guys tell a story inside the ring. Punk and Brock also have different in-ring styles, but something about them made the promos MATCH the quality of the wrestling. There was just something about Punk and Brock that clicked sooner than Brock/Trips, but that's just how I see it. Not only was this match of the night worthy, but it could be match of the year material. Yeah, it was that good. After tons and tons of close calls, the finish finally comes when the addition of Paul Heyman was too much for Punk to overcome. Brock finally wins the match by hitting Punk with the F5 on a chair. It made sense for Brock to win this match since you can easily keep the rivalry between Punk and Pauly still going. It isn't like Punk needs to get back in the WWE title race, so I say keeping things going between Punk and Paul is a good move. I don't care if the rematch happens at Survivor Series or WrestleMania 30, I just can't wait to see it. I definitely recommend checking this match out. I love the image of Heyman swatting at Punk to break up the count. It's like the reaction you would see in a bad movie. Heeeeeey, stoooooop that!!! Don't hurt him!!! He's my friend!!! You're such a meanie!!!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot…
Getting splashed by Mark Henry for VIP tickets, is it worth the gamble? What do you personally think? The Dolph/Kaitlyn vs Big E/AJ was about what I expected. Dolph pinned Big E with the Zig Zag, Kaitlyn hit the Spear on AJ, and this should hopefully end things between AJ and Kaitlyn. While the two work well with one another, AJ and Kaitlyn do need to move on to different opponents. It was a good rivalry that did more for the diva division than some of the past rivalries to grace this division, but it's time to them to move on to something new. Now, does this end things between Dolph and AJ? Well, that one is a little tricky. They definitely can keep things going with those two since AJ is bats*** insane enough to think of another alternative to get back at Dolph, but it wouldn't be too surprising to see this end and Dolph finally gets his WHC match at Night of Champions. I guess we have to wait until Raw to find out.
Cena vs Bryan
So, how do you top the Punk/Brock match? Hell if I know, but Bryan and Cena were gonna give it their best shot. This was also a great match that's worthy of 'match of the year' potential. There was so much adrenaline by both individuals and they had great chemistry in that ring to tell that story. My favorite match is still Punk/Lesnar, but I'm not underselling this match at all and can totally understand if this was your match of the night. It was good… Damn good. I loved the moment where Cena did the 'You can't see me' routine and Bryan kicked him in the face. You can see me? But mommy always said you couldn't? My whole life is a lie!!! Ohhhhh noooooooooooooo!!! Come on, Bryan! You need to dig deep to win this match. You can do it!
The match ends when Bryan does his best Captain Falcon impression and hits Cena with a knee to the face. Damn, that shot looked like it hurt! I wouldn't be surprised if that one really hurt Cena. Kneecap of doom, if you ask me. The show ends with Daniel Bryan celebrating his WWE Championship victory… Really? No last minute shenanigans? No plot twist? No spontaneous combustion? No evil corporation trying to screw over goat-man? Okay… Well, that was unexpected. Well, might as well wrap this up.
I guess I should start with…
Okay, apparently it's not over yet. Hmph… Sorry about that. Anyway, Randy Orton comes out and teases the possibility of cashing in the MITB, but Bryan is perfectly fine. Randy walks away and this seems to end the show. Well, I guess that was pointless. We might as well jump into the overall im--
Is that it this time? You sure you don't have any last minute surprises? You don't have anything else to fart out? Are you done?…Okay, I think it's finally over this time. That's right, Triple H shows his true colors and hits the Pedigree on Bryan and allows Randy to cash in the MITB. One cash-in and a three-count later, we have a new WWE Champion. While I didn't bodily say this would happen, I know I mentioned something about the option of Trips turning in last week's Raw review…
"I just had a thought. This most likely won't happen, but what if Trips screwed over Bryan and sided with Vince by the end of SS? It would definitely add a twist to things, but I doubt this would even be considered."
Admittedly, I didn't say it would happen outright, but give me some credit for at least saying something along the lines. Even if you didn't think this, I'm sure the wheels started to turn once you saw a few things at the end. First of all, there was still 15-minutes left in the PPV. While WWE has ended PPVs early, something about it just seemed very suspicious this evening. The other clue should be that Trips never left the ring. The match is over, so he doesn't need to be there anymore. Why did he stay? Because he was setting up the goat! Muahahahahahaha!!! Yeah, so it seems Trips sided with Vince and the two got what they wanted. Okay, so the main thing I want to say is how Daniel Bryan does NOT look weak after tonight. In fact, the word 'buried' gets tossed around so much to the point where I don't think people understand the definition. There's a big difference between 'buried' and losing a match. Buried is seeing somebody lose in less than 5-minutes and totally gets destroyed, so I never understood how people say 'so-and-so got buried' when they put on a good 20-30 minute match and lost. Seriously, this word is tossed around so much on the internet that I think people have forgotten that they're two different things, but somehow get categorized as the same thing. Needless to say, it's one of my pet peeves. I've talked about this subject before and it was something I wanted to bring up since I'm seeing that trend pop up after tonight's main event. I have two reasons as to how Bryan didn't get buried from this. First of all, the guy just beat John Cena cleanly. You know, that guy who almost never loses matches cleanly these days. Remember him? What, did people just suddenly forget about the 20-25 minute match between Bryan and Cena? It's funny how that can be the case for some people. Second, Bryan got screwed over for the sake of the storyline, NOT to make him look like a joke. Vince didn't want Bryan because of his look and he didn't want Cena since he picked Bryan, so it would make sense for Vince to find a way to get what he wanted. While not along the lines of spontaneous combustion, he found a snake with a golden opportunity to solve all of his problems. While it seemed Triple H was on Cena/Bryan's side in all of this, he was either persuaded by Vince to turn to the dark side or Vince and Trips were working everybody from the beginning. I personally like this ending since we get two heel turns that have been overdue for quite some time in Randy Orton and Triple H, but this is also a chance for Bryan to continue his growth to be one of the top stars in the WWE by taking down the corporation for doing him wrong and ultimately getting back what was taken from him. Now, plans can always change in the world of professional wrestling, but I honestly believe things were written like this to benefit Randy AND Bryan, not hinder the man who beat Mr. Fruity Pebbles this evening. This whole storyline is gonna take some time to iron out since Cena is still in the mix and it can be until Survivor Series or WrestleMania until DB gets back the WWE Championship. That's entirely up to the WWE, but if the writing can still show up just like it has since Payback, I'm sure they will have no problems making this storyline work for the next 3-8 months. Things are only just getting stared for Daniel Bryan and his future looks so bright that you can see his beard shining. Evolution 2.0, EVIL-ution, or Corporate-lution? What do you think?
Okay, NOW I can finally wrap this up. Tonight's show did many things right. It put on a great series of wrestling matches this evening, but it also did a lot for the storytelling department. The twist of Trips siding with Orton should make for some fun elements in the next few months. Bryan gets that big victory over the face of the company in supreme fashion, but things are only just getting started for Bryan as he needs to get back at the people who stole his moment. Punk and Brock put on an awesome match and I'm looking forward to the promos AND the eventual rematch. While the two main event matches made SS pop out, let's not overlook the undercard performance. Most of the undercard matches did a decent job to keep you invested, but I will admit that they weren't THAT eye-dropping. Still, I was able to have a lot of fun with them based on what we got. Hell, even the silly segments between Miz/Fandango and Ryback were hilarious to watch. I'm looking at this PPV and the only 'MODERN DAY' PPV I can think of at the top of my head matching this quality was Money in the Bank 2011, or better known as the summer of Punk. That PPV still leaves an everlasting impression on many fans and I just know this PPV is gonna do the same thing. I think people will be talking about SummerSlam 2013 for a very long time, and for all the right reasons. If any of you are still here when I wrote the MITB 2011 review, I gave that PPV a perfect 10 out of 10 and I still feel it has earned that honor. While people will say stuff like the diva segments should hinder tonight's score, I just love the rest of the matches, storytelling, and funny segments so much to really not give a s*** about the minor stuff. Some might think this is way too high of a score, but I'm giving WWE SummerSlam 2013 a 10 out of 10. This was a perfect PPV that will be talked about for a long time. Some will disagree with the score, but I do have to remind you that I write reviews and grade the PPVs based on MY thoughts on the show, not what everybody else thinks. It's hard to say if everything out of tonight will still tell a great story months from now, but this is a showing that leaves too much of an impression to wonder about the future… At least to a certain extent. Well, I think it's time for me to wrap this up. I'm sorry this review was longer than others, but as you can see, I had a lot to talk about. That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. It's gonna be tough for Raw to top this, but they definitely have the elements to at least make something interesting. Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.
WrestlingNerd's Official Score of WWE SummerSlam 2013: 10 out of 10