What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 8/1/13. How did things go this week? Let's find out and begin.
Cram the opening!
We open up the show with all this August 1 hype. What I find hilarious about this hype is how TNA didn't even think it was good enough to push down our throats since there was no mention on the show last week. Instead, you would only find out about this if you follow social media or went to the TNA website. Talk about rushing things as quickly as possible. My guess is TNA couldn't afford any vignettes. Gotta save those pennies! Tazz is banned from the building since Hulk Hogan laughs in the face of kayfabe contracts. Austin Aries comes to the ring and cuts a face promo. I love face/heel turns that NEVER show the transition of becoming a face/heel. Oh, and if your argument is that scene where Aries gives props to Sabin, I'm not accepting that as an excuse. It's lazy writing and you know it. Bobby Roode shows up and blah, blah, blah, I'm losing my identity and blah, blah, blah, I'm gonna win the BFG Series. The opening was pretty basic and was used to build up the BFG Series… and the online video… and Tazz being absent… Why was there so much in the opening again? You know, you have two hours to push all this across. The set won't blow up if you actually take your time with these things.
BFG Series 1
The first match of the night was Bobby vs Hernandez. The match was very average and forgettable. Roode steals this match thanks to using a beer bottle on Hernandez. The ref questions all the broken glass, but realizes he's a wimp and doesn't question the guy with muscles. I like how Tenay claimed Roode is going back to his roots. Yes, give that man all the empty beer bottles he can use! James Storm is working a double-shift. The idea of this match/scene was to show Roode using everything he can in order to benefit himself. I just hope this actually leads to something for Bobby and not just imply this is gonna mean something when it ultimately goes nowhere. That's happens in the world of pro wresting.
BFG Series 2
I love Jay Bradley's promo. That promo is gonna be remembered when reflecting on the history of pro wrestling, 'A few of these and THESE start adding up real quick'. That moves my soul like nothing ever. It's like the messengers from the heavens. The great philosophers of the time have passed these words to living mortals. As you listen to these words, you sense the majestic wonders flow through you… Or it's better to say it's a crock of s***. I guess a few of THESE was taken from Joseph Park's appetite since he was unable to connect with the Boomstick. This match proves that nobody can out-boomstick Bruce Campbell. I like how Tenay is talking about the amazing work Eric Young is doing with Joseph. He gave him a helmet and did nothing else. Yeah, Eric's really going the extra mile. I'm sure this won't lead to Abyss coming alive and eating EY's beard. Mmmmm…beard.
Sabin proves himself?
My favorite part of the MEM scene was Sting going over-the-top. Bully Ray is no longer champion ablalablbalbabalba! What happened to him? It sounded like he was chewing on a thick steak. I love it when Sting presents a glazed ham on the shows. It's pretty enjoyable. It's time for the champions vs champions match. So, can anyone explain to me the point of Manik/TJ Perkins not showing his face towards the camera even though we already know what he looks likes? Is he afraid of the cameraman or something? Then again, I would be scared of the cameramen of TNA as well, considering they're all stalkers. The match was good, but I find it funny that the world champion proves himself by taking on somebody from a division he conquered. That would be like defeating Ganondorf and follow it up by challenging villager #255. I know you want to make the champ look strong, but how about having him go against people in the world title bracket? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter since Sabin is being made to look like somebody who got incredibly lucky. In a solid, X Division match, Sabin defeats Manik with the Hail Sabin. After the match, Bully Ray comes in to bully the rabbit foot. Sabin manages to fight back, but only after Manik caused enough of a distraction for Sabin to take control. Look at this? Bully doesn't even looked fazed by this. It's like he's swatting at flies. This rematch isn't gonna bode well for Sabin.
BFG Series 3
Tazz tries to expose August 1st by showing a computer screen in a rental. I got it! Bill Gates is buying out TNA… LOLZ… Oh… That's an image for you. You know, if Hogan could ban Tazz, why doesn't he just do that do Aces & Eights? Because I'm busy working on my tan, brother! After the KO match got nothing resolved, we move on to the AJ Styles/Austin Aries match. This was a good match. The finish comes when both guys are down and cover each other, but Aries manages to get his arm up in time to pick up the victory. To be honest, I would've have minded a double pinfall. I think it would've been creative to see how it got resolved. Do they both get the points? Do they split up the points? Do they give them no points or take points away? Do they restart the match? I would've mind seeing this played out, but maybe that idea will come about another day.
Total Nonstop MMA
The final segment of the night was MEM confronting Card Games. MEM challenges A & 8 to a 5-on-5 match at Hardcore Justice, but there's a catch. Whoever takes the pinfall in the match will be forced to quit TNA. Wait, is this considered a punishment or a blessing? Well, this will only get the IWC buzzing about the idea that Sting could be on his way to the WWE yet again. As for me, I don't really care what happens. Even if that person gets 'fired', I'm sure you can make up something in order to get them back on the show. Pro wrestling loves doing that and while some of them are fun and creative, some of them are just lazy. Once the two groups brawl, we find out who August 1st is. The August 1st is revealed to be Tito Ortiz…
Okay, so I've mentioned in the past that I don't watch/care about MMA or Bellator, but I literally had to do some research since I didn't understand this move at all. Based on what I've looked up, it turns out Rampage will fight Ortiz in a Bellator PPV. By the way, why is it called Bellator? It sounds like a botox injection. Yeah, I know I'm getting off track, but can you really blame me? TNA looks like a two-dollar whore after tonight. Think about it? It's getting f***ed by Spike TV while sucking off Bellator. I know I try to find the positives and keep an open mind on things, but TNA is most likely gonna get nothing from this. This is only gonna benefit the MMA world and not do a thing for TNA. Sure, they may get some quick ratings, but they'll lose them pretty damn quickly once all the promotion for the fight is over. I know the TNA fans are gonna defend it by saying 'Come on, WSNerd! Spike TV is forcing them to do this since they're under contract. You can't blame TNA'. While that may be true, I wouldn't be surprised if TNA agreed to do this for the sake of earning a couple of bucks. I know there's been a lot of reports on TNA's financial troubles and while I don't like to make much on online rumors since dirt sheets make up a lot of horse-crap, this almost proves to me that TNA is having money issues and is trying to get every penny they can at this point in the hopes of turning this ship in the right direction. Come on, they're literally getting money by promoting a fight for a different company. I know I poked fun of TNA looking like a prostitute, but they really do come off as one considering a prostitute does whatever they can for money. Sadly, TNA's hitting that definition very well at the moment. Again, I know I should be more optimistic about this since I like to be open to any idea the world of wrestling throws out there. Sometimes, even the dumbest ideas in wrestling can turn out okay, but I don't see TNA coming out of this with a bigger fanbase since the MMA/Bellator demographic will quickly stop watching TNA once the fight happens and Ortiz is back in Bellator. I know people think an early preview of Rampage/Ortiz could happen on TNA or at Bound for Glory, but there's no way Bellator would agree to have these two give a legit fight on TNA programming. Sigh… Perhaps Ortiz could be used to fight somebody else in TNA and if that's the plan, I don't have any issue with that. In fact, that's what I hope happens or else this makes TNA look even more desperate than before. It's possible TNA can come out of this better than before, but don't be surprised if that isn't the case. I'm gonna try as much as I can to be open about this move, but I've stated my concerns. At this point, I think TNA has more MMA guys than writers.
Okay, let me get this out of the way. If you take out the last 2-3 minutes of the show, it wasn't that bad. Sure, nothing was memorable, but the matches were okay and even some of the segments were funny. Yes, there was plenty of silly moments like the mini-fight between Bully/Sabin and Tazz's placement was just odd, but it was also these stupid moments that made me laugh. Again, pro wrestling is gonna be silly/cheesy and you're kidding yourself if you think it has never been like that. Pro wrestling has been cheesy since the 1980s and it won't change anytime soon. Oh, there I go getting off-track again. For the most part, I thought this wasn't that bad of an episode. I would say this was an average showing at best… And then you get to the Tito Ortiz reveal and… Yeah, it does leave a bit of a sour-taste in your mouth. It definitely wasn't one of the stronger endings. I'm gonna try to be optimistic about Ortiz's presence, but don't be surprised if this was done because TNA would get some cash by shamelessly plugging another company's PPV. That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. I know I'm gonna get some hate for tonight's review, but I will give this a chance. Remember, it isn't how you start the race, it's how you finish. Still, I wont be surprised if this race ends without a photo-finish. Tell me what you thought of tonight's show and/or the review. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.