Tuesday, August 6, 2013

WrestlingNerd Presents: WWE Raw 8/5/13 Review (Snake strikes back)

What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today we take a look at WWE Raw 8/5/13. What's this cooperate makeover all about? Let's find out and begin. 

Sticking it to the man!
We open up the show with the Daniel Bryan makeover. The man is cleaned up and ready for his job interview at the local store. Vince likes the clean up, but wants the beard to be shaved. Since it would be poor marketing with all the beard T-shirts, Bryan doesn't want to have his beard shaved by Wade Barrett. This makes the evil, big, bad, Mr. McMahon more angry since DB isn't doing things his way, hablablalabllalbhlalbla. Bryan beats up Wade and shaves the Brit's beard in the process. Wow, not even Wade's beard can get him anything in the WWE. You're starting to grasp at straws if this starts happening to you. Anyway, Daniel Bryan is sticking it to the man! Yeah, so the makeover didn't go over so well. It was so bad that Stephanie received some troubling news later in the evening. I know I'm cutting ahead, but might as well get this all in one paragraph. Oh Stephanie, you try so hard to give the emotion of pain and sadness, but you can't pull it off. Apparently, she's 'crying' because Vince yelled at her off-screen. Yeah, I guess that would damage anybody considering it wasn't good enough for free television, but hey, maybe it made it on the WWE App…

Triple H vows to do something about Vince since he has no problems with DB, Cena, or the SS match. Awwwww, s***s going down!!!

New drug policy?
So, the first night back on the job and Ricardo Rodriguez accidentally screws over Alberto Del Rio. I'm sure Del Rio will act kindly towards his friend…

Oh, so this is what he gets for not bringing your coffee? Jesus, that was brutal. I'm guessing this is the new punishment for failing a drug test. You get a suspension AND get the crap kicked out of you on live TV. This is what Major League Baseball needs to start doing…

Commissioner: You get a suspension and--Look over there!
A-Rod: Huh?*chair to the face*
A-Rod: But… Why?
Commissioner: Because drugs is a bitch…*kick to the groin*

How is that paper still in-tact? 
In other news, Cody Rhodes manages to get Damien Sandow's briefcase. Considering it fell in the Gulf of Mexico, I'm surprised in the condition it's in. I thought the color would've come up due to the toxins, but now I'm just being silly. Damien was about to get the case, but not before Cody swipes it again and steals a piece of paper in the briefcase. That's either a contract to a WHC match or Cody came across all the money TNA pissed away… Oh, I had to! The two will fight each other at SummerSlam. It doesn't seem like the briefcase is on the line, but my guess it isn't since there's no briefcase. They're fighting for an invisible MITB briefcase, eh….EH!?

John Cena promo #3: I will always be me and blah, blah, blah...
I can check out Doritos on the WWE App? So, does a bag of chips now come out of your tablet/phone? You laugh now, but I bet that's gonna be the next innovation so people can be even more lazy. Mark Henry beat Ryback via countout. Ryback proves how 'awesome' he is by beating up the bathroom attendant. In the meantime, let's listen to John Cena cut the 'I don't care what you think of me cuz I'll always be me' speech. Ah, a classic in the repertoire that is John Cena. Randy Orton interrupts and reminds him he's the MITB holder and both WWE Championship competitors need to be aware of Snake Man. I kinda wish WWE wouldn't have had Randy go out there since keeping him away from the WWE title scene would make the cash-in more surprising, but I can't complain since I liked what they did with Randy later in the evening. After the Shield and DB arrive, Brad Maddox goes out there to pull a Teddy Long, playa! Shield vs Cena, DB, and Randy for later this evening. 

Inferno or Ring of Fire?
Once the Wyatt family gave us a replay of what happened a few weeks ago on Smackdown, Bray Wyatt makes a speech. Galactus Wyatt claims he has all the answers and Kane needs to follow the chickens. Kane appears on the titantron and claims Bray does all these horrible acts to send a message towards people, while Kane does them for fun. Kane challenges Bray to a Ring of Fire match, to which Bray just laughs. My God, this guy's psychotic… I like it. I'm looking forward to this… Inferno match, right? Ring of Fire… Fire water… Fireball? Seriously, what is this? I'm guessing it's a new name to the Inferno match, but why not just call it an Inferno match? Is it trademarked or something? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter. They could call it a Ball-Busting match and I don't think it would matter. Regardless, it seems like a fitting gimmick for both individuals. 

Divas, One More Match, and revenge
The Kaitlyn/Layla match didn't last long as AJ caused enough of a distraction for Layla to hit a roundkick of doom. So, I guess AJ and Layla are gonna be a team now? Something tells me Big E is gonna be a happy man once the show's over. Christian went up against Heath Slater. Oh yeah, I almost forgot that 3MB was still a thing. I just figured the concept blew up, but every wrestling show needs a jobbing stable. After all, TNA has one in Aces & Eights…

Christian hits the KIllswitch and finishes off Slater in the amount of time it took to write this. CM Punk had a match with Curtis Axel. I think this was the first match of the night to last longer than five minutes. Needless to say, it was about time. The match was okay, but nothing groundbreaking. The finish comes when Punk attacks Heyman, thus resulting in a no contest? Wait, what? Punk attacks a guy at ringside and the match is called off? Huuzah? One questioning of wrestling logic later, Brock Lesnar comes out and defends his friend. Once Punk takes care of Axel, Punk and Brock fight. Punk actually manages to hold his own against Brock and is about to finish him off, but Pauly causes enough of a distraction for Brock to take control. An F5 and several chair shots later, Brock stands tall once again. We find out later in the show that Pauly challenges Punk to a match next week…

Of course it is, but you know Punk's gonna accept. There's really nothing to say about this. I like this feud and I can't wait for their match at SS. It should be fun to watch. 

Kofi Kingston returns
Fandango vs Kofi Kingston was the next match of the night. Kofi was sporting a slight change in his look by wearing wrestling pants rather than tights. I like the change, but I'm sure people won't start complaining because of a small change like this now, would they? Kofi defeated Fanjobo with the Trouble in Paradise. This is what happens when your gimmick is just a theme song. Yes, you can do Fandango-ing all you want, but I personally think Fandango-ing is killing his career even faster than I would've imagined. Remember all those months ago leading up into WrestleMania 29 where I said Fandango would defeat Jericho and get wins until it was time for him to start losing in about 4-6 months? I don't want to say I told you so, but… Yeah, I told you this would happen. It has nothing to do with Johnny Curtis himself. The guy has talent to play this character and I think does a good job at it, but WWE has a bad track record with these goofy gimmicks and more often time than not, they tend to fail. Perhaps something could change for the guy, but it doesn't seem to be on the radar at the moment. 

Other stuff to address...
I wouldn't be talking about clogged-arteries if my gut was that big. Thanks to a cheap shot, Almost Real Americans steal the match. I hope that gets something going in the tag division since that's taken a back seat ever since Shield took the titles from Team Hell No. Dolph vs Big E didn't last long as Kaitlyn was so set on revenge that it ended up screwing over Ziggles. Big E picks up the victory with the Big Landing. I've been thinking about the idea of a mixed-tag match for a while, but didn't really say anything since it was just a dumb theory and nothing more. After tonight's actions, it seems like a mixed-tag match is gonna happen. Things could always change, but I think this will be the SS match. 

Randy: Screw you guys, I'm a going home!
It's time for the six-man tag match. The Shield got disqualified due to… Breaking up the count? Whaaaaaaaaa? What's with tonight's show and these abrupt finishes? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter considering what resulted next. After the match, Randy hit the RKO on Bryan and helped Cena take out of the Shield… Only to hit Cena with an RKO as well. Randy was about the cash in the MITB, but Shield showed up once again, thus preventing Randy from cashing in. Shield attacks Bryan and Cena, but Orton doesn't care since he walks away. The show ends with Shield standing tall, but not before a Roman Reigns growl. Yeah, so Randy showed several signs of a heel turn this evening. Needless to say, it was about time it happened. I guess they could've made the heel turn at the time of the MITB cash-in, but going this direction isn't a bad idea at all. I still say giving Randy the briefcase made more sense than giving it to Bryan since the MITB has become a heel staple and Randy fits that mold more than Bryan. Not to mention Bryan's character would want to win the WWE title the legit way and not through the means of a cheap, cash-in, while Randy's character doesn't mind taking short cuts. I really like how things are setting up here. Vince isn't happy with Cena and doesn't like Bryan, so I can the man totally side with Randy since he's a little closer to what he wants to see out of a WWE Champion. A good storyline that's only getting better. 

Overall Impression:

While not as strong as the last couple of weeks, I felt this was still a decent-enough episode that warrants a watch. While there wasn't much in the action department, there was a lot in the storytelling department. Randy showed signs of turning into a full-fledged, heel, which might connect to Vince finding the guy he wants to represent WWE. There was a few announcements regarding the SS PPV and needless to say, it's looking like a great card. I just hope when the day comes that a great card can equal a great PPV. I liked tonight's show, but check it for yourself and see where you side on tonight's show. That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one. 


  1. Yep, those Cena promos sure are stale. "Some of you love me, some of you hate me, but I'm going to do what I always do, blah blah blah..."

    If Cena ever feuds with the Wyatt family I expect to hear: "John Cena...follow...the fruity pebbles."

    Any chance Sandow cashes in an empty briefcase at Summerslam, hoping WWE doesn't call his bluff and open it at any point? Even still, following the same set of rules he's been bitten by, he could always just steal the WHC title and not give it back. Wrestling Logic is fun sometimes.

    Poor Wade Barrett...but given his lack of wins lately, being shaved against his will is kind of a step up.

  2. Kane might burn Wyatt's beard off just for fun.

  3. You know...I get this feeling that Randy is gonna fail at his cash in. I can honestly see Daniel Bryan winning the title, Randy cashing in, then Daniel slapping the Yes Lock or a roll up in the middle of the ring and winning. Or any other person that winds the title, heck even Cena. Maybe that'll bring something new to Randy's character. Because they're starting to overplay the briefcase a lot

    "I have the money in the bank, that means I am guaranteed a championship. That Championship you have will be around my waist because of this briefcase. Did I tell you that I'm gonna cash in money in the bank and be champion...cause I will"

    1. I kinda like this idea. It adds a new twist to things that not only could benefit Randy, but also others around him.