Friday, September 2, 2011

WrestlingNerd Presents: TNA Impact Wrestling Review 9/1/11

What up wrestling fans, I am the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling on 9/1/11. So, how would TNA do with the show being out of the Impact Zone? Well, let's find out and start the review.

We open up the show with Hulk Hogan. He talks about "The Network" right away. So, TNA starts the program by talking about a subplot that is basically a light switch since TNA keeps bringing it back up only to put it in their back pocket until later? In other words, either keep utilizing the storyline or just rid of it because its basically beating a dead horse at this point. Then again, TNA and beating a dead horse? Surely, you jest? Anyway....."The Network" agrees with Ric Flair's idea in which Flair wins, Sting retires; but if Sting wins, he gets Hogan. It was also announced instead of this being a PPV match, this match will happen on Sept. 15th in an episode of Impact. Do I really have to explain what's wrong with this picture? Why invest so much time into this match if you're not even building it towards PPV? Man, Hogan has only said three sentences and I think I already need therapy. Hogan is very pissed off at "The Network" for putting this stipulation and claims he won't face Sting unless it's on his terms. Hogan finally invites Kurt Angle to the ring. Hogan once again has to establish that Angle's on his side because of "the claims" in which Dixie Carter betrayed Angle. Yeah, like we really needed to be reminded unless they are just saying it so they aren't confused by their own storylines. He tells Angle he wants Sting to be murdered tonight and Angle agrees and says they should make this Sting's rematch. Sting interrupts and continues to talk like a mad man with a pile of crack in his hands. Sting accepts the rematch and once again says he will do whatever it takes to get to Hogan. Hogan gets angry and says he's going to change the rules a bit. In tonight's title match, Hogan will be the Special Enforcer. Quick, somebody call Fort Knox. A 60 year old man is the special enforcer. This is a basic scene that establishes the main event for tonight's show. I'm actually surprised TNA is following through with the "rematch clause" since they tend to throw that out the window. Not a great way to open up the show, but a tolerable start. I can only hope things can try to go this smoothly for the rest of the evening. It was also announced Crimson is out of the BFG Series. As I mentioned in last week's review, this was a smart move because it keeps Crimson's undefeated streak and takes him out of the title picture because he's nowhere near ready for a title match. Still, I was thinking about this Crimson kayfabe injury and I am wondering if this whole thing leads to Samoa Joe taking out so much competition that there's nobody else left and he gets to be in the Top Four at No Surrender? If that's TNA plan, I'm very disappointed. While it does something for Joe, it makes TNA look bad because they set up a tournament for over the last three months in which the overall winner would get the title match. It would look pretty stupid to have Joe be one of the final four members when all he did was break people's legs as opposed to winning matches. In other words, if Joe ends up in the finals, this whole BFG Series seems kinda pointless. Hopefully, TNA doesn't do this, but we have to remember one thing. This IS TNA and this seems like something TNA would do. Hopefully, that isn't the case.

Match #1: RVD vs Gunner in a BFG Series Match
If TNA wanted to make this BFG Series thing work, all the wrestlers involved should have competed in a set number of matches. I have been looking at the numbers and some wrestlers are getting more matches than others. Gunner might have competed in as many as 19 matches. Minus Matt Morgan because he was injured early, the lowest number of matches by a wrestler is 9, held by Scott Steiner. This is perhaps the biggest flaw in the BFG Series since it really isn't fair when you think about it. I understand it's wrestling, but if you wanted to make it seem legit, everyone should compete in the same number of matches. Imagine if the NFL gave the Dallas Cowboys 10 extra football games while everyone else was mixed around? It's just a really dumb idea when you break it all down. I still think Robert Roode will end up winning the BFG Series. This match was average, but I think this is also the second or third time we've seen this match on free tv. Joe showed up during the match, but Morgan stands in the way and doesn't want Joe around. Joe greets him with a kick to the family jewels. There's more between Morgan and Joe in the show. The finish comes when Jerry Lynn arrives and pushes RVD off the top rope while the ref has his back turned. Gunner hits him with his boot and wins the match. A pretty cheap finish since Gunner didn't really hit a finisher. I guess Brock Lesner threatened to kill Gunner for the use of his finisher, but I digress. You can pretty much pencil in RVD vs Lynn at BFG while you're at it. According to Mike Tenay, Gunner clinches a Top Four Spot in the BFG Series and will compete at the NS PPV. Hey, if I had an extra 5-6 matches compared to everyone else, I would probably be in the finals as well. I call bulls***!!!

Winner via pinfall: Gunner

Back in the ring where Eric Bischoff has invited the entire KOs to the ring. He talks about how the ladies are bringing in ratings and he respects them, but they are women and all the do is sexual innuendos and whine about things. In other words, Bischoff was saying this...

Anyway, he says the KOs need someone to keep the ladies in check. He says after many days and hours of working long and hard with Traci Brooks (um...what was that again about sexual innuendos?), he names Karen Jarrett as the VP of the KO Division. Traci instantly flips out as Karen makes her way to the ring. Karen says ODB and Jacki are full time employees (at least in the world of kayfabe) while she mocks Traci for working the hardest to get the job with Bischoff. To add insult to injury, Bischoff says he slept with her three times. Now, I know this is all storyline based, but who the hell would do THAT? Traci, it isn't worth it. I guess she will need some time to wash out the Rogaine and shame after this whole ordeal? As if you think Traci's night hasn't gotten any worse, Karen names Traci her own personal assistant. In Layman's terms, her own personal bitch. Karen ends this ridiculously long KO segment by saying the ladies will respect her or she will send them back to the stripper poles. Now, I understand the ladies of professional wrestling will never be a draw. In fact, over the last five years, the biggest draw for the ladies was the Kharma deal earlier in the year. It's a shame, but that's the way the wrestling business has always been. The ladies will basically be a filler part of the evening and it will never go any further. I hate to be this negative on the subject, but look at the history? With that said, this might have made the KOs more interesting since they basically have a Vince McMahongina in charge, but I don't really have high hopes for this storyline. This is TNA bringing revival to a past storyline in the KO Law in which it went nowhere and nobody cared about it. This could be interesting and I will try to be positive about it in seeing where they are going with all of this, but don't be surprised if it goes nowhere. I just thought of something? Remember how "The Network" is on Hogan and Bischoff's case in making TNA a fair program? Well, how does THIS fall into the category of being fair? How can "The Network" be ok with something like this? Bischoff basically dangled a carrot in front of Traci to do anything to get something in return, but all he did was use her? How is "The Network" not filing paper work to fire Bischoff since he basically just admitted to everyone watching he was only using her for sex? Again, I know it's a storyline, but this makes absolutely no sense when you break it all down. Just another example to get rid of a storyline completely as opposed to bringing it up whenever you feel like it. By the way, Tazz and Tenay no sold this announcement as they were not completely surprised Karen got the job. Great suspension of disbelief guys. Yeah......

Match #2: Austin Aries and Kid Kash vs Brian Kendrick and Jesse Sorensen
They've been showing this Sorensen a lot lately. TNA must be pretty high on this guy. I don't really see the big deal. The guy can wrestle, but is the definition of what Aries has said about prior X Division talent. The guy looks amazingly bland, has shown very little to no personality, and I see another spot monkey out of this guy. Again, if you want to make me care about highflyers, they need to bring more to the table. Sorensen should take a look at guys like Aries and Rey Mysterio since those are highflyers who made themselves stand out. Still, I won't be completely harsh against Sorensen since he's still young and has potential, but you gotta make yourself stand out from the bunch since I only see Generic Guy #14562 with him at the moment. The match was pretty average. There was some good moves, but it was very skippable. I don't know why Kendrick looks like Kid Rock's bitch with his even more ridiculous ring attire. Kendrick and Aries brawl to the back. The finish comes when Sorensen gets a roll through for the quick win. I will also add if they are really trying to get Sorensen, they picked a good opponent in Kash.

Winner via pinfall: Brian Kendrick and Jesse Sorensen

After more forced lesbianism between Angelina Love and Winter in a backstage scene, we are informed that Jeff Hardy will be back on next week's show. In a backstage scene, Angle talks about his match until Hogan arrives and says "The Network" is bringing back Hardy. He wants himself and Angle to do the logical killing "The Network". No joke, Hogan talks about murdering "The Network". Hogan, I don't know anything about killing people, but wouldn't it make sense to NOT reveal your plan to the world? Hogan's looking more and more like an old man every week. And not the powerful Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto from Bleach old man, but the "You damn kids need to get off my lawn" old man. Someone just needs to send Hogan to bed before Impact starts, or else he will be more insane than Professor Farnsworth. As for Hardy returning, I'm not sure if it's wise. I don't know if Hardy is physically ready to return. The guy clearly has his problems, plus there's the fact his courtroom stuff is not over yet. If he really has cleaned himself up, then I am fine with TNA bringing him back, but this sounds like the same song regarding Hardy. How many times have we heard Hardy is clean until another headline pops up regarding him? Just seems too familiar. I have lost a lot of respect for Jeff (same goes for Matt Hardy as well....but I will talk about that subject another day) and he has to do a lot to get me to respect him again. Only time will tell if Hardy is ready to take this seriously, but don't say I didn't tell you so when another innocent occurs.

Match #3: Winter vs Mickie James for the KO Title
TNA opens up the second hour of their programming with a KO match? In fact, I've been noticing this a lot lately in regards to TNA programming. When the WWE leads off the second hour of Raw, they address one of their major storylines or have a match that people might want to watch. TNA starts off with a KO match. I do recall there was a point where the KOs where the highest drawing segments, but this isn't the best way to open up the second hour since you're losing the people who happen to be channel surfing during the 7 PM hour (I live on the West Coast). Love would get sent to the back during the match. In terms of KO matches, this one was at least passable. The finish comes when Winter uses a "foreign object". I say that because it looked like the neckband she is wearing. A neckband? Why not just use a wadded up piece of paper while you at it? Now, you can argue she was going to choke her out with it, but it still looks stupid. It's also possible it was a vile of prop blood, but whatever happened to simple brass knucks? Anyway, the referee intercepts the "weapon" which allows Mickie to hit the Mick Kick and we have a new KO Champ. So, what was the point of Winter winning the title at Hardcore Justice if she loses it in less than a month? Not only that, but she did absolutely nothing with the belt except drink blood in front of the thing. I really want to know what the hell the writings were thinking during this whole rivalry because they have made this rivalry look dumber than before. My only guess for the title switch was they didn't have enough faith in Winter, so they took the title off of her or they wanted to have Mickie be the champion going into BFG. This is another example of creative NOT thinking things through and quickly erasing things before anyone gave a crap. Also, call me insane but I wouldn't be surprised if Velvet Sky of all people ends up getting the title at BFG. Call it a hunch, but they have been increasing her stock for a while and they might be giving her the green light. Not really big on this if it happens, but seeing Kelly Kelly as Divas Champ, Sky is a welcome breath of fresh air.

Winner via pinfall and NEW KO Champ: Mickie James

Back in the ring where Morgan calls out Joe for being jealous of other people's victories in the BFG Series and his recent attacks. Joe arrives and they brawl for a while. Tazz and Tenay quickly remind people Morgan has a torn pectoral muscle he's still recovering from. Which almost begs the question why the hell is TNA sending him to the ring so quickly, but I digress. Then again, TNA isn't THAT stupid, right.....RIGHT? I would hope Morgan is ok, but still not the best move if he isn't 100%. Anyway, Morgan sells the pec injury while Joe hits another low blow on Morgan. He uses a chair on Morgan's arm and finally the officials arrive to break it up. Based on Morgan's commentary, I think they are working on a rivalry between Morgan and Joe, possibly for the BFG PPV. So, we went from making Joe look like a bad ass to being nothing more than a bully with the cheap shots? I thought they would have gone the route in making Joe the Mark Henry of TNA. Instead, this looks a little cheap. Especially since he did it twice in one night. Watch out, people?

Time for backstage scene galore. Robbie E runs into Rob Terry at the gym working out. Robbie talks about the bodyguard idea once again until Eric Young arrives and thinks Robbie is "Johnny D". He challenges "Johnny D" to a match on next week's show and Robbie accepts. Ok, so the question I have is who the f*** is Johnny D? Are they referring to Johnny Depp or some Jersey Shore jack off? Who would write this? Who's idea was this? Who thinks this is even funny? Why? What? Why? You know what? I don't care anymore, next scene. AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels talk about their match and how this will be the last one. Anyone really buying that? Finally, Hogan has an Immortal meeting in which they talk about being concerned over Hardy's return. You're concerned about Hardy? Dude, it's Jeffy Hardy, not an invasion by Godzilla. I'm pretty sure this stable can manage ONE person. Then again, seeing past bookings from Immortal, I think Hardy might have the edge. They also treat Abyss like crap during this spot. You might as well do Abyss' face turn while you at it since you've been teasing it for a month and a half. Get the ball rolling!!!

Match #4: AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels
This was an ok match. In fact, it was probably the best match of the night. I have seen these guys do much better, but given the amount of time, they did ok. The finish comes when AJ completely botches up a springboard and Daniels pins him quickly for the win. Again, not a big fan of the finish since Daniels didn't even do anything to win. It's pretty clear the botch was intentional, but I have to question TNA's safety of their performers if they are telling them to take falls like this. Styles could have cracked his skull or hurt himself. Great job TNA. After the match, AJ wants a handshake, but Daniels blows him off. Oh goodie, Daniels turns heel for the 400th time. Whoop de freakin' do. I don't want to say I told you so, but I predicted this would happen.

Match #5: Kurt Angle vs Sting for the TNA World Title
This was a passable match....until the overbooked finish. Then again, it's in TNA's contract to overbook one match per episode. The finish comes when Sting has the Scorpion Death Lock applied, but Gunner arrives with a chair. The ref intercepts it and turns his back but the idiot turned around and COMPLETELY SAW Angle tapping out, but because the script says otherwise, he does nothing. My gosh TNA, can you write any good choreography? Anyway, Hogan gets the chair back and uses it on Sting while the ref is busy with Gunner. Sting no sells it and is about ready to beat up Hogan until Angle hits an Angle Slam on the chair....which AGAIN the ref saw. THAT F***ING REF!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

.....okay......okay, I think I'm back. Ref does nothing about any of this and makes the three count and Kurt keeps his title. This ref looks like a complete idiot. It might be wrestling logic, but it looks so freakin' retarded at the end of the day. After the match, Sting tosses Hogan out of the ring while Hogan is begging him to leave him alone. Bully Ray and the rest of Immortal attack Sting, but Mr. Anderson arrives with a baseball bat and chases away the stable, which ends the show. Again, I like how one guy can chase off an entire stable with just one weapon. This again adds more to the Bully/Anderson feud. Again, I have to wonder why not just announce that Angle is with Immortal? He works with them and Hogan and is a complete bad guy. Yeah, it would be completely stupid based on the Angle/Jeff Jarrett storyline, but I honestly just don't care anymore.

Overall Impression:
I don't know about this one. The opening of the show was ok, but there wasn't a whole lot about the show that was redeeming. There was some ok matches, but when matches fall into the category of average, it isn't even worth watching. There was the development of some new things like Daniels' heel turn and Karen taking over the KO division, but this is stuff TNA has done in the past and I'm not interested in watching it again. It wasn't a bad Impact, but not an Impact worth watching since it was boring. I might even consider this an average Impact, but it really isn't saying much since it wasn't very entertaining. There was just too many silly moments to really make me enjoy this. When will TNA learn that wrestling is suppose to be entertaining and fun to watch? They did hype up next week's show with Hardy returning, but I don't know what to make it of. If he really has gotten his act together, that's fine but I can see this backfiring on TNA because of Hardy's history. One definite positive I have to say after tonight is how the arena looked when TNA put on a tv taping outside the Impact Zone. This was pretty well done. It did look a little crowded from the ring to the barricade, but the titantron, lights, and camera work was ok. I don't understand why there was so many aerial shots, but the visual presentation by TNA looked good. The audience looked like they were into the show since it's nice to hear an audience that isn't the Impact Zone and actually appropriately cheer and boo the characters. Outside of that, average to lackluster matches, storylines that aren't really eye grabbers, stuff that makes no sense, pointless subplot storylines, and unfunny segments don't really make a show I can recommend. Since TNA was the last wrestling program for the week, I guess I have to rank the shows. In terms of wrestling quality, I rank it Raw, SD, and Impact. For promos/segments, I ranks it Raw, SD, and Impact once again. Best moment of the week had to be the contract signing between Triple H and CM Punk. As for the MVP of the Week, not really sure who I can give it to. This one can go either way, but I'm going to give it to Triple H since we will see Punk vs the Game. That's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review and tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show, see you next time.


  1. "Vince McMahongina"

    You, good sir, win.

  2. vince mcmahongina