Friday, June 3, 2011

WrestlingNerd Presents: TNA Impact Wrestling Review 6/2/11

What is up wrestling fans, I am the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at *glup* TNA Impact Wrestling on 6/2/11. Oh great, the first wrestling show in the mouth of June, so how would TNA f*** it up or will they pull a miracle out of their ass? Well, let's get this over with and start the review.

We open up the show with Eric Bischoff arriving in the parking lot. I am going to be upfront now and say if you hate episodes of Bischoff getting a ton of screen time (and I really mean a ton because it almost seemed like he was in this show every 10 minutes), chances are you are going to hate this show. Anyway, he comes across a guy who represents "The Network" and hands over a letter saying that Bischoff has been sacked, meaning that he is probably fired. Throughout the whole night, we would have these scenes of Bischoff acting like this was his final day on the job and such. It was very vague as to what was going on, but we would get the answers at the end of the show. Oh goodie, I can't wait for Impact Wrestling to disappoint me since they have a history of doing so. Anyway, after that scene, we see ODB and Velvet Sky brawling backstage. They eventually land in the Impact Zone and continue the brawl. Finally the TNA security staff shows up, and knowing this security staff they.......immediately get their asses kicked by ODB. Damn does this secuirty staff suck. Not only is the staff lacking staff members (There was only two guys to represent the security staff, that is just sad), but they can't deal with one pissed off woman? I think Princess Peach has a million times better security staff than freaking TNA, and she is protected by a bunch of mushrooms. I guess the budget for a show that advertises that Wrestling Matters is reaching a boiling point if the secuirty staff is run by two guys. Yeah, I am aware it is an example of wrestling logic so the brawl would continue, but somebody has to point out the stupid moments on this show. Anyway, the brawl ends up in the ring, to which ODB strips Sky down to her bra and panties. Hell, this isn't a brawl, it's a gentlemen's club. I almost expected the audience to toss dollar bills at Sky with what is going on here. Anyway, the scene ends with ODB standing tall. Sky barely stood a chance in this brawl, because she was on defense the whole time. Oh, and Miss Tessmacher shows up in the end.....AFTER ODB has already taken her out and left. What is the point of her showing up? The fight is already over and adds nothing to this scene or storyline....unless plans change. The brawl was nothing exciting and it was boring, but there was some fanservice, so I guess you got what you wanted. Just when you think this opening is over, we hear Sting's entrance music. My God, what kind of opening is this? You have Bischoff arrive in a parking lot, a poor replacement of a stripper, and now Sting? Man, they are literally just cramming this show as much as they can if we have to have three different storylines to open up the show. Anyway, it turns out it is Mr. Anderson in the Sting get up. He says later tonight, he will face off against one of Sting's greatest rivals. Oh, please don't tell me Ric Flair or Hulk Hogan is going to lace up the boots tonight? Since that is probably isn't the case, I am going to expect somebody else....hooray? Overall, this opening was dreadful. There was just too much storylines and stuff going on and it was all crammed together in a matter of 6-8 minutes. I like how Sting is the world champion and his feud is almost meaningless at this point, and that is really a shame because they had something going pretty well between Sting and Anderson months ago. What happened here? Oh, my mistake. TNA seems to think the Jeff Jarrett/Kurt Angle feud is gold, so that is now the main feud on this show. You know what the sad part is? TNA STILL hasn't gone to a commercial break yet. We are backstage yet again where Bischoff is on the phone with a member of "The Network" until Brian Kendrick interrupts. Kendrick wants another shot at Abyss tonight. Bischoff says the X Division isn't too bright since they ask for these types of matches. Finally, Bischoff says that Kaz was going to get a X Division title shot at Slam, but will make a #1 Contenders Match between Kaz and Kendrick and the winner gets the title shot. I would normally talk about how this makes no sense considering that Kaz should have the rematch clause, but Impact doesn't care about rematch clauses, so this shouldn't be too shocking to you. After a commercial, we see that Bischoff is still on the phone with "The Network". Why? Because.....Wrestling Matters, right? Honestly, I forget sometimes.

Bischoff is now in the ring and calls out Beer Money. He tells them that they will not make the 30 day stipulation of defending the titles and should give up the titles. Oh, and Bischoff says that British Invasion gets the title shots....BEST BUILDUP EVER......if this show was written by monkeys (That isn't fair, I think monkeys are smarter than Russo). Robert Roode says injured or not, he will defend the titles. Alex Shelly from Motor City Machine Guns shows up. He informs the audience that MCMG is done for the rest of the year because Chris Sabin has a torn MCL and ACL (Ouch, that is rough and I really feel bad for Sabin) and will not return until next year. He also says that during their war last year with BM, he really grew to respect the tag team and says he would like to team up with James Storm and defend the tag titles on behalf of BM for one night. Bischoff immediately calls bs on this purposal (and really he has a point), but Shelly informs him that "The Network" made it a go, so Bischoff doesn't have a say in the matter. BM seems to be ok with Shelly in the match and it appears we have a match for Slam. The segment ends by Bischoff saying towards Shelly he might have balls, but he is now on his s*** list (No joke, he actually said this). First of all, if the Brits have the title shots, wouldn't it make sense to be out there and confront BM or recieve their tag titles via the 30 day stipulation? Heck, why aren't the Brits out there to begin with? Also, how did the Brits get the next title shots? Was there a match off screen or......oh my God, figuring all of this out is giving me a headache. In other words, TNA, if you make a match or are addressing a storyline, at least explain things....EXPLAIN!!! With them half assing some of these build up and PPV matches, it just shows the overall impression that Impact just doesn't care anymore. I thought this was the show where Wrestling Matters? If that was the case, wouldn't you at least want to have the apporpriate conflict to make people care about the actual wrestling match? As for my thoughts of Shelly being the replacement, I kinda like the idea since it sounds interesting. This overall match for the PPV should be decent to watch, but it would be a lot better if there was some interaction with the Brits, or at least make the Brits care about wanting to get the tag titles. This tag team feud seems to be BM vs Bischoff instead of BM vs the Brits. In fact, when was the last time the Brits were on this show?

Match #1: Matt Hardy vs Crimson
Since this is the show were Wrestling Matters, we are finally getting to the first the 28 minute mark. Now, to be fair, this was a pretty decent match. I know some people criticize Matt for his in ring ability because of how much he as balloned, but I think he is putting on some decent matches as of late. Once again, I really like this Crimson and he should be appearing on this show every week. TNA should let this guy cut promos just to see if he can be a big time player in pro wrestling. The finish comes when Crimson hits the Sky High Powerbomb on Matt for the clean win. Now, only with someone as much time on my hands as myself would have noticed something like this. Remember when Immortal was unhappy with Rob Terry and Murphy's ability because they kept loosing matches and weren't doing anything right. Well, when was the last time Matt won a match? Based on the logic of Immortal's thinking back then, Matt should be on the hotseat of the group since he isn't getting the job done. Yeah, I know, more wrestling logic. After the match, Samoa Joe tries a sneak attack on Crimson, but Crimson's spider senses tingle and hits a spear on Joe and the tubby guy retreats. So, was there really an explaination of Joe's heelish attitude? Is he a full fledged heel now or just a temp heel until this rivalry is over? Who knows and does anyone really care?

Winner via pinfall: Crimson

Backstage scene with Anderson and Eric Young. He says he wants to "honor" Sting by re-creating one of his historic feuds in having Young play the role of the Great Muta. Young accepts this challenge and we appear to be having a match. Another backstage scene of Winter and Angelina Love. Love is starring off into space while Winter is talking. Love cuts her off and actually talks. She claims to do anything to make sure the two of them are happy. Let me ask a question. Is anyone out there really interested in the Love/Winter deal? Oh, and another backstage scene where Immortal is having a meeting. Bischoff is talking to his members as if it's his last night on the job while the Immortal members don't like the idea of Bischoff getting the pink slip. Why are there so many backstage scenes on this show? Seriously, you think WWE goes out of hand with backstage segments, well take a look at this? Plus, why do I feel that the payoff of this "Bischoff getting fired" isn't going to pay off? By the way, I like how Matt is perfectly fine and not winded or sweaty even though the guy just had a match like 5 minutes ago.

Match #2: Miss Tessmacher vs Angelina Love
Yes, where Wrestling Matters, and apparently strippers since that is all Tessmacher seems to do. What is so sad is how Mike Tenay and Tazz were up in anticipation when Tessmacher was setting up for the victory roll, which got me thinking, is THAT her finisher? Seriously, a victory roll as a finisher, are you serious? Who do you think you are, Kelly Kelly? Anyway, the match was a joke and it ended when Love hit a finisher. I missed what the finisher was, but the match was so bad that I don't even care to look back at the replay to see what the actual finisher is. And I bet somebody in the comments is going to say what the finisher was to this match and that might be a bit depressing. Plus, Love went back to acting all lifeless again. If she can talk, why keep up the stupid charade that she is possessed if you showed in a previous scene she was almost a normal person? Who wrote this crap? Maybe it was Fred Fuchs......take it away AVGN cuz I am freakin loosing it.....

Winner via pinfall: Angelina Love

Match #3: Mr. Anderson vs Eric Young
Young actually looks like the Great Muta for this contest. During the match, Anderson was bouncing off the turnbuckles to mock Sting. The match actually went on for a while. How can Anderson be having this much trouble with Young, who is still a comic relief character? The match was nothing special. The finish comes when Gunner comes out and causes a distraction. It appears that Anderson has this match, but Young pulls a Muta and uses the green mist on Anderson and gets a small package to win the match. So, your telling me the #1 Contender for the world title just lost to the comedy wrestler? That would be like the Miz losing to Santino. I don't care if there was shenangians or not, this is not something that should happen since he has a title match coming up at the next PPV and needs to look strong. How does this make Anderson look like a competator going into the title match? If I was Sting, I wouldn't be breaking a sweat since Anderson can't seem to handle comedy wrestlers. So, Anderson can win a 20 man battle royal but can't beat Young in a wrestling match? Thanks TNA for making your #1 Contender for the world title look like an idiot. Oh, and after the match, Gunner and Anderson team up to beat up Young until Sting makes the save (by walking since he isn't running these days) and the heels retreat. We would find out that it will be Young and Sting vs Anderson and Gunner next week.

Winner via pinfall: Eric Young

Match #4: Brian Kendrick vs Kaz winner is the #1 Contender for the X Division Title
Ohhhh, I can play the Impact Wrestling Fantasy Game on their website? Yes, of course, because THIS is what was missing in my life. Sounds stupid right? Well, that is only because it is. Oh, and yes I am aware the WWE tried something similar years ago. Well, based on the fact that WWE canned it, I think that sums up the whole thing. This was a pretty good match and it was probably the best match of the night, but don't get too excited because Impact needs to screw up their best match somehow. The match goes on for 10 minutes and the bell rings. That is when you are wondering what is going on, but you realize that TNA likes to use that stupid time limit in some of their matches to come up with a cheap ending, and thus the match is considered a draw. What is it with TNA and that f****** clock? If this wasn't enough to make you go insane, TNA isn't done yet. After some stalling, it is determined to give the two another five minutes. Seconds into this "overtime", Abyss shows up to lay them both out, thus resulting in a no contest. F***......F****** TNA, are you f****** kidding me? So, you build up all this padding with exceeding the time limit only to....end the match the exact same way you planned it? You probably think I am pissed off about the Abyss interference, but that isn't what got to me. I understand how heels interfere in matches, heck it is common in pro wrestling. My problem is what was the point of exceeding the time limit, mentioning the clock, and doing an overtime if it was scripted for Abyss to interfere? Why not just have Abyss interefere at about 8-9 minutes into this match instead of just going into this deal of this stupid clock? You want to know the answer? Because TNA was intentially trying to waste time. If it was scripted for Abyss to interefere, why not just have him interefere in the early going of this match? Instead, make the match go about as long as possible, come up with some bs about the time limit to waste more time, and then have the run in. I am guessing that TNA didn't have anything else planned for tonight, so they intentially had the X Division guys pad out the time as much as possible to fill out the two hour show. Now I know what your going to say? They planned it like this so they could give some rub on Kendrick. I really don't have a problem with that, but here is how I would have scripted it. Make Kendrick and Kaz go out there and have them put on a clinic to get the audience up on their feet. Heck, they were really into this match towards the end. Then just have Abyss do the attack and thus add more to the storyline and get people tuned in for next week. In other words, if I was writing this show, I wouldn't have stupid crap like the time limit deal because when you include things like that, your basically telling your audience your intentially eating up the two hours because you didn't have anything else planned. Heck, it isn't like you can show....oh I don't know....other wrestling matches since you brag about how Wrestling Matters. Don't just tell the audience your wasting time, make it seem natural and creative. Oh, I forgot, this is Impact where creativity went out the window when Vince Russo walked throught the door. Impact Wrestling: Wrestling Matters so much that we acknowledge the time limits. I know some people like the time limit because it adds excitment, but I was plenty excited with everything I had seen prior to the time limit, and if anything, I got less excited when I heard about the time limit expiring in this matchup. Do you know what the sad part is.....this show isn't over yet. Oh, and just to clarify to anyone who thinks I am a WWE mark, there is plenty of stuff in the WWE that upsets me as well, like the whole Christian/WHC deal. Oh, and after the match, Abyss quotes more Art of War bs.

No Contest, guess we have to wait until next week, unless this week's show has already killed you

We are back in the ring where AJ Styles calls out Bully Ray. I know I would say how we are coming across another promo, but this storyline is actually simple to follow and I don't mind this storyline so much. In fact, this is probably TNA's best storyline because it's short, simple, and easy to follow. If only the creative staff would learn that trick more often. Anyway, Bully tells Styles to not get all excited for 1upping him last week because he beat Tommy Dreamer and NOT Bully. He also says that Dreamer is the worst tag team partner ever, which makes Tazz say "I agree". Aw ha, a little trip down ECW lane....why can't I be watcing that right now? Bully also goes back to his previous argument in how Styles is not a real wrestler because he plays video games and how wrestlers are all about strip clubs, liquor, and lap dances. What does any of those things have to do with pro wrestling? Plus, real men play video games. Styles responds by commenting on the size of Bully's d***. After a bunch of cheap jokes, Styles challenges Bully to a Last Man Standing Match at Slam, and Bully seems ok with it. Well, this can be an interesting match, but chances are TNA will go overboard on the hardcore stuff and it might turn into more garbage style wrestling.

Match #5: Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner vs Kurt Angle and Matt Morgan
You know, it is really bad when you main event has ONE guy who isn't over the age of 40. They did the Karen Jarrett/chair deal again. Yes, because of all the problems of this world, we MUST know where Karen is going to sit? Morons wrote this show, they should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers. After lots of padding, it is determined for Karen to go to the back. Ok, who the hell is buying that Karen will NOT be getting involved in this match? The match was nothing special, but it was basically a filler match, so what did you expect? The finish comes when Kurt and Jarrett brawl towards the entrance ramp, and wouldn't you know it, Karen shows up to get involved. Ok, things would get weirder after this. Kurt forces Karen near the corner of the entrance and the backstage area. Jeff attacks Kurt, in which causes him to push Karen off the screen. We have no idea what is going on until they get a camera crew back there and reveal that Karen has fallen down a flight of stairs while Kurt and Jeff are bickering at one another while the medics are getting on the scene. Did I mention the match is still goin on? TNA did a horrible job at showing the conclusion of the match. All I remember happening was Morgan calling out to his partner, only for Steiner to hit a low blow and then the heels won the match. Gee, bad choreography in Impact, say it ain't so?

Winner via pinfall (I would assume): Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner

After a commercial break, we see the medic crew working on getting Karen to the hospital. Ok, I know it is common in pro wrestling to have these moments to make you feel sorry for the "injured" person, but this scene works a lot better when faces are going away on the ambulance. When you have heels being carted away and your trying to make the audience feel bad for the asshole, it just comes off as weird and doesn't make sense. Oh well, I guess we will FINALLY get that Angle vs Jarrett match without some bs? Ok, FINALLY the last segment of the show. Hogan and Bischoff are now in the ring. Bischoff has some last word before Hogan reads the letter. He says that Mick Foley is a decent talker, but is a sh**** wrestler because all he does is hardcore stuff and talks with a sock (Well, you would figure a guy dubbed the Hardcore Legend would be known for hardcore and not wrestling). Hogan tries to give him an inspirational speech before opening the letter. Finally, Hogan reads the letter and says that Foley has been fired as "The Network" rep. The show ends with Hogan and Bischoff celebrating. Just when you think Impact has aired enough stupid s***, here is one more to top it all off. So, you mean to tell me the guy who was the voice of "The Network" for the last month has already been canned? Ok, there is a couple things to address here. I have heard a couple of issues regarding Foley's contract with TNA. One of the rumors is that Foley's contract was set to expire very soon and he wasn't interested in staying with the company long term. Right now, I have no idea if this rumors is true or bs, but if it is, this just further proves why TNA is a bad business. TNA was building up the fact "The Network" was coming. Instead of putting someone in this role that was committed to TNA and didn't have contract issues, they go ahead and put Foley in this role, and now only a month in, he is already gone? Do you have any idea how bad this comes off? This comes off as just being lazy because TNA creative couldn't think of another voice of "The Network" or hire someone to do the job and instead they give it to a guy who was on the way out. This is something you would never see out of the WWE these days. If WWE knows somebody's contract is coming up, they will either write them off the show in some decent fashion (Yeah, I am aware of how Chris Jericho was written off the show years back when he was crying like a baby.....ugh) and will probably not put a title around the guy (unless it is a way to convince a guy to sign a new deal like when Rey Mysterio was in negoitation last year and WWE gave him the WHC, almost as a bribe to stick around with the company), since that can cause complications and it might come off bad on television. You knew with the way TNA does their storylines, in taking a long time, you needed the voice of "The Network" to be there longterm. Wouldn't it make sense to put a guy out there who was contractually committed and not someone who was on the fence on the whole thing? It really just comes off as bad business and creative planning. Then again, I have to be fair since all of this contract stuff is just rumor and not really fact at the moment. It could be a trick by "The Network" to make Immortal put down their guard only for Foley to return in a matter of weeks. Still, it really comes off as bad storytelling when Immortal has been running a muck for months, only for Foley to show up to be the good guy, and now has to be taken off the show after only a month. It is still possible that TNA can find a way to turn this storyline around and make it interesting. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised for Foley to turn up next week and talk about how Hogan read the letter wrong and blah, blah, blah. Eitherway, still not good storytelling since the continuity has been shot to death. Not only that, but we saw "The Network" still sticking their nose in things based on what Shelly said earlier in the show. It almost feels like this storyline is going backwords, because wasn't it only prior to Foley not showing up where we had various wrestlers say "The Network" said this? In other words, we are back to where this show was prior to Foley not appearing on here, which almost makes Foley's appearances to be a waste of time? Well, I guess I should say this. Even though I think this was kinda stupid, it does get me a little interested as to WHY "The Network" fired Foley and maybe we can get an explaination next week? Oh wait, Impact Wrestling and the word "explain" don't seem to mesh too well, but I will be optismistic.

Overall Impression:
One word to describe this week's episode, stupid. This was not a good presentation by Impact this week. There was just too much stupid, silliness, and bad storytelling to go around. It is a shame too because Impact had two decent matches this week and I actually thought the promo between AJ and Bully was ok, but when you bring in crap like lesbian zombies, comic characters pinning world title contenders, time limits, and firing reps after only a month going around, it just comes off as bad tv. There was some good, but just too much bad stuff going around for this week's showing. I cannot recommend watching this showing, unless you want to make yourself go in the madhouse. One of my most common complaints in my reviews is how I bash TNA. I have said this many times in the past, but I might as well say it again since I am aware that new readers can be checking this out. I don't hate TNA and I am not a WWE mark. I actually want TNA to succeed and I want to find a way to like this show. If they go out there and put on some decent matches and have some good storytelling, then it will bring in more people to watch the show. I have said many times that casual fans is where the money is since the IWC isn't a large enough fanbase and most of the time all they do is complain about everything. If more casual fans are tuning into Impact to the point where it makes the WWE acknowledge them, then it would force the WWE to up its game and do better. Then it would force TNA to do the same and vica versa. Who wins when there is some competative wrestling and decent storylines around? We do, the fans who watch these shows. But when TNA continues to air things that have plotholes, long brawls that eat up the show, overcomplicated storylines, too many backstage segments, long drawn out and boring promos, terrible buildup to rivalries, imaginary time limits, no explainations, and storylines or concepts that make no sense, how is THAT going to get casual fans to tune into Impact on a weekly basis? The ratings are showing that casual fans are not tuning into Impact week by week. That should be a clue to the writers that they are doing something wrong or they need to improve some things. Plus, TNA continues to do false advertising with this whole Wrestling Matters deal. If they really want to make people believe that Impact Wrestling is where Wrestling Matters, then go out there and prove it. So far, I am not seeing anything different with Impact since they are doing all of the same things when they were called TNA Wrestling. What has really changed? It is the same creative staff, same wrestlers, and same storylines. Really, the only thing that has changed is the company name and the color scheme, and I think most people are aware that nothing really hasn't changed with this company because it still feels like TNA. Well, that is going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry the review is so long, but some of these TNA episodes feel longer than watching the Ten Commandments since there is so much stuff to explain...or not to explain. I also apologize for swearing more than usual and more anger rants in this review. For some reason, this episode really got to me and I really dug into this episode. As much as I wasn't a fan of last week's show, at least that show was watchable and tolerable while this was......yeah. As always, tell me what you thought of my review and tonight's show. SD review is really on the fence for this week. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show, see you next time and I need some pain reliever medicine, quick....

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