What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling 7/25/13. How do things turn out tonight? Let's find out and begin.
What is TNA's fetish with lawyers and lawsuits?
We open up the show with Main Event Mafia. It seems TNA will only start the show if it's Hogan, Card Games, or MEM. It's like a written law by TNA. Sting talks about how the greatest night of his career was witnessing Chris Sabin's victory. I don't know about that, judges?
Yeah, that sounds a little more accurate. I know he's trying to put him over, but at least try to put some more imagination behind it. Sabin comes out and cuts a very average promo, but somehow better than any of Jeff Hardy's promos. Bully Ray comes out with… The love-child of Kevin Nash and Ted Turner? Seriously, what is that? What am I looking at right now? It's almost surreal looking at this guy. I didn't think there was a way to top Claire Lynch but… No, she's still worse, but damn does this guy come close. He added no emotion to this part, but what you do expect when you hire actors that were walking by the arena? Anyway, this guy, who's probably getting paid with a sandwich, informs us that if Sabin doesn't hand the title back to Bully, they will file a lawsuit on TNA. Are we officially breaking kayfabe now? HAHA--Wait, what? That doesn't make any sense. Just because you sue somebody doesn't mean you're gonna win, especially if you're Bully and literally have no case. Even in the realms of wrestling logic, this is stupid. You want the real explanation? The real explanation is TNA got lazy with their writing and wrote up anything that could work tonight. Talk about not covering up your tracks very well. And what's even more stupid is how Hogan and Dixie start taking this seriously since they worry that they might lose the company with this lawsuit. In fact, it got so ridiculous that they honestly considered taking the title off of Sabin to give it back to Bully JUST to avoid a lawsuit. Again, I know this is wrestling logic, but this is bad. This isn't even in the 'So bad, it's funny' category. This is awful. It's definitely not one of the best things they've written. If that's all it takes, taking over this company should be easy. Just buy a ticket to an event, trip on a soda, and then sue the company. I own a company now, muhahahahahahahaha! Oh, there's still more to bring up later in the review? Uggggggggghhhhh…
In an exciting Ultimate X match, Manik is the winner and is the new X Division champion. We also see the new design of the belt and I like it. I think it looks pretty nice, but my immature mind can't look at the title and notice how many 'Xs' are inside the belt. I almost want to call it the Pornstar Championship since you can see 'XXX' on the belt. As I thought a week ago, it was no surprise Manik won since he was the only one of the three under contract. It's even more underwhelming since I felt Manik was the person in this match that was the least impressive. You see great stuff from Sonjay Dutt and Greg Barreta, but Manik didn't have as many captivating moments as the other two. As far as Manik as champ goes, I don't really care. I don't see the point of him wearing the mask under this 'Manik' name, especially since he's more than willing to show his face on camera. What, is he shy? Does he feel an emotional connection to the mask? Does the mask give him superpowers? My God, it's Jim Carrey! Joking aside, I don't see Manik winning the title as a big deal. I think he's literally gonna hold it until it comes time to give it to the next X Division guy, but that's just how I see it.
So, Eric Young is a scientist now? I thought he was comic relief? Well, they're pretty much the same job if you think about it. Apparently, he's gonna try to figure out why Joseph Park goes insane. Perhaps it's something he ate? There were three BFG Series matches this evening. The first was Mr. Anderson vs Hernandez. It was short and uneventful. Anderson won cleanly with the Mic Check. Wow, you really have to be at the bottom of the ladder when a guy who always cheats, beats you cleanly. Christopher Daniels went up against Samoa Joe in the second BFG match. Thanks to Anderson taunting Joe, Daniels takes advantage and steals this match. I thought the whole idea of MEM was 'family sticks together'? Where the hell were they during all of this? My guess is MEM went to pick up Joe's fast-food order. Well, I guess they do stick together, eh? The finally BFG match was Jeff Hardy vs AJ Styles. The match started a bit slow, but once they found a grove, I thought it was a decent match. Styles picked up the victory with the Calf Killer. I love Styles blowing off Hardy at the end of the match…
KO segment of the night
I know it can be obvious that the production staff edits some of the noises/chants, but nowhere was it more obvious than in the KO match. You hear these noises, but the audience acts like they're watching golf. At the same time, I can't blame the audience for this since it was heel vs heel. Just who in the hell are you supposed to cheer for? You know it's getting bad when the audience has to cheer for the referee. That pretty much sums up the whole match. Gail Kim argues with ODB, thus Mickie utilizes the power of the rollup to pick up the victory. After the match, Brooke Hogan comes out and informs us ODB is still an active wrestler and can fight back. Gail runs away as soon as ODB starts to unleash her bitchy side. So, I guess the whole point of this title match was to start a feud between Gail and ODB. You know, you could've achieved that so much easier than what you went with. I'm just… Saiyan.
I love the MEM backstage scene. Kurt Angle is s****ing bricks over this lawsuit and Sting says Bully has no case. THANK YOU! THANK YOU STING! Hand the rest of the show over to him since he's the only one using a brain tonight! So, it's time for Bitch Ray to come out and bitch some more. That's right, cry, cry cry! Bully cries more than a Disney princess. Since we written up something that was dumb to begin with, let's cover it up by spewing more bs. I'm being serious. Bully continues to make lawsuit threats and Hogan ultimately rips up the contract and puts Bully in a match. Why? Because Hogan is the law…
In a few weeks where TNA relives Hardcore Justice on free TV, it will be Sabin vs Bully for the World Title in a Steel Cage match. What, so does ripping up a lawsuit automatically solve all of your problems? Well, if the world knew that, you think people who have gotten sued would have done this sooner. This is just terrible writing all around. The whole lawsuit thing shouldn't have happened. All you had to do was have Bully complain and immediately make the match. There was no need to drag out a WHOLE EPISODE for all this lawsuit crap. Not to mention this was the episode that followed Sabin's victory. You get people talking about your product to follow it up with this?
If it wasn't obvious already, I was not a big fan of tonight's episode. While the action was good, the main part of the show can literally kill the entire evening for you. You get people to start talking about your product and this is what you do? I came out here a week ago to talk about how I was looking forward to this and this is the best you can follow that? This is your best foot forward? This is how you get those extra people to continue watching your product? I thought the idea was to bring in more viewers and get your sales to rise, not do one interesting thing and bore people with all this legal stuff. I think if you want to watch this, the best thing you should do is only watch the matches and not all this foreshadowing bulls***. This was not a good episode by TNA in my eyes. If you enjoyed all this legal stuff and thought it was compelling, more power to you. You obvious found something out of those scenes that you thought were fun and/or enjoyable. I tend to find some of the silliest moments in pro wrestling and have fun with them, but I can't do it with this. It wasn't entertaining or funny in my eyes. It was just sad to watch. That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Oh, the TNA fans aren't gonna be happy with me after this, but what else is new? Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.