Friday, August 19, 2011
WrestlingNerd Presents: TNA Impact Wrestling Review 8/18/11
What is up wrestling fans, I am the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at TNA Impact Wrestling on 8/18/11. I really don't want to do this right now, but it will be over before you know it. Let's begin.
We open up the show with Sting having a seizure. I'm not kidding. He walks out of the entrance tunnel and starts rolling down the ramp while throwing a fit. Damn, if THIS doesn't get you to watch TNA, then I don't know what will.....*sigh*....? He finally gets in the ring and says that's proof he has lost his mind. Really, cuz it looks like it was proof that this company is just lying down on the job, but whatever. Sting starts to sing "Eye of the Tiger" since he believes he has finally awakened Hulk Hogan. He also encourages the audience in a Hogan chant. Yeah, cuz a guy will a million back surgeries is what I want to see in a wrestling ring. Just when you think we don't have enough senior citizens on this show, Ric Flair shows up for the first time in months. Flair refers to Sting as an Icon and says fans keep asking him to do another Flair/Sting match, but claims he would have nothing to gain from the match. Flair rips off the jacket, so you know he means business. Flair adds he will wrestle Sting, but there's a catch. If Sting loses, he must retire; but if Sting wins, Flair will give him Hogan. Sting accepts the match, which ends the opening as I die a little more inside. I will admit when I was growing up, the Sting/Flair rivalry was classic. In fact, I remember them putting on some great matches and it was one of the rivalries that made the 90s. Still, it's 2011 and I don't want to see a broken down Sting fight Flair. I am going to say right now that this will probably be better than Sting/Hogan since Flair is a little more mobile, but it isn't saying much. It wasn't announced when this match will be taking place, but it would have to be at No Surrender since it would be kinda dumb to put this on free tv. Then again, you can also argue it would be dumb to even go through with the match in the first place. I just hope nobody pops a back while working this match. If you want to watch a good Sting/Flair match, just watch some of the old WCW tapes. Well.....there is a chance it can be a passable match, but who knows?
Backstage where Flair finds Hogan in his office. Hogan is going ape s*** since Flair basically threw Hogan in the lion's den if he screws up. Hogan is wondering how Sting is even alive since he crucified him last week. Isn't Hogan the GM of this show? All he has to do is say he doesn't agree to the terms, and that's that. When does Flair get more power than Hogan? The whole boss/GM deal on this show is all screwed up. Oh, and you crucified him? Someone needs to show Hogan a Bible since he didn't come close to crucifying him last week. How does two or three chair shots equal crucifying? Oh, and what in the blue hell are goofball pills? Did someone forget to give Hogan is pudding tonight? Anyway, Flair tells Hogan he will take out Sting tonight and ends the scene by kissing him on the cheek. That's right, he kissed him. You know, with all the headlines about Hogan's ex-wife saying that Hogan had a homosexual relationship with Brutus Beefcake, this scene isn't doing Hogan any favors. I personally don't really care what Hogan does on his spare time and have no idea if she is telling the truth of just spewing bulls*** since the Hogan family makes the Mason family look completely sane. Well, I probably wouldn't go that far, but this Hogan family isn't far behind. We may not know about all of this off field stuff, but I do know one thing? If it's true, I guess we know why he's called Beefcake. Yeah, I know it was a bad joke and I don't care.
Match #1: Scott Steiner vs Devon in a BFG Series Match
Steiner vs Devon, I am sure EVERYONE penciled in this one on the calenders. The match maybe lasted about 30 seconds. Steiner gets a rollup and puts his feet on the rope to steal the match. Almost embarrassing to even call this a match.
Winner via pinfall: Scott Steiner
After the match, Steiner leaves while Devon is complaining. Samoa Joe comes from behind and attacks Devon. He continues the punishment until Devon's kids get in the ring (Oh, please don't get off your asses TNA security. Great example of wrestling logic) to help their father. Joe is about to attack until the Pope comes in for the save and Joe retreats. After a commercial, we see Joe backstage ready to explain himself. He says if he can't win the BFG Series, nobody will. He vows to take out everyone and claims TNA would never fire him. I have a feeling we are seeing Joe's final run with this company. Joe did show some passion when he cut this promo, but I still think he's unhappy in TNA and is waiting for his contract to expire and see if he can score a WWE deal.
Match #2: X Division Gauntlet Match; winner is the #1 Contender to the X Division Championship
This match was a clusterf***. They had all the competitors at ringside and when somebody would get eliminated, they would just announce the next guy. Who determines the order of this match? Not only that, but it seemed that each person only got a few minutes until they quickly get eliminated. I am generally not a big fan of gauntlet match since they go through the eliminations so quickly that nobody really comes out good at the end. I would much rather see a normal one fall match between two guys as opposed to this. There was some good moves here and there, but the match moves so fast that it can be difficult to keep track of the action. For some stupid reason, Cookie came out with Robbie E for this match. Yeah, like we really need a story involving a poor man's Zack Ryder. Mark Haskins was in this match and continues to be a WWE ripoff. If you remember from my Dest X review, I talked about how this guy looks like Edge and came out with John Morrison's ring attire. Now, he uses a modified version of CM Punk's GTS as his finisher. Now, wrestling moves are borrowed all the time, but this Haskins isn't doing a whole lot to make an impression since he just looks like a generic wrestler. This match featured a lot of guys who I didn't know have contracts with TNA. I did some research and I believe all of them have contracts with TNA, but why did they bring in so many X Division guys? Really, I feel they will eventually do what they always do with the X Division. They will put them all in a match and tell them to go nuts with the spot monkey stuff, which is a step backwards because they were doing that prior to the Abyss/X Division storyline. This match featured Alex Shelley, Tony Nese, Jesse Sorensan, Zema Ion, Robbie E, Mark Haskins, Kid Kash, and Austin Aries. The finish comes when its down to Sorensan, Kash, and Aries. Sorensan eliminates Kash, but the ref turns his back and Kash takes out his frustrations on Sorensan. He hits a Cradle Piledriver on Jesse and Aries is up next. Aries pretty much takes control of this match and wins with a Brainbuster. After the match, Aries cuts an interview in how he ran the gauntlet and says he's the greatest man who ever lived. Just as your about to cue Weezer, Brian Kendrick arrives and wants a handshake. Aries leaves and a brawl starts between the two. I like how TNA security shows up and literally does nothing to stop these guys. Then again, we've established TNA has the worst security staff ever. It makes sense for Aries to get the next titles shot, but I still don't agree with doing an 8 man gauntlet match. I know that nobody will be surprised when I say this, but Kendrick looked like a stoner tonight. Come on Kendrick, put the pot away until AFTER the show. I have no idea what TNA sees in you.
Winner and NEW #1 Contender to X Title: Austin Aries
It wouldn't be Impact without a ton of backstage scenes. ODB and Jacki talk about the match coming up next and how they will beat Mickie James. ODB, you couldn't even beat Tessmacher, what makes you think you have a chance against Mickie? Another backstage scene where Traci Brooks is in Eric Bischoff's office and request to get her old position of Knockout Law back...
Bischoff isn't really buying it at first, but one Traci basically shoves her cleavage at him, he starts to think it might be a good idea. TNA: where wrestling matters and women are nothing more than a sex symbol......look at her breast!!! Anyway, TNA is pretty weak to bring up old ideas that nobody ever cared about. I barely remember this storyline and I don't think it ever got a conclusion. Hooray?
Match #3: Mickie James vs ODB
In terms of KO matches, this one was at least passable. It felt boring, but I would rather see this than the abomination diva match that occurred this week on Raw. The finish comes when Mickie hits the Delayed DDT on ODB for the clean win. After the match, Jacki shakes Mickie's hand, but isn't happy about it. So, they did the exact same thing as they did last week? You know what? I just don't care anymore....
Winner via pinfall: Mickie James
Backstage scene with Winter and Angelina Love talking about dealing with Mickie in a few weeks while it looks like they are drinking prop blood. Umm....creative? If it weren't for the title match, this scene would have no purpose being on the show.
Match #4: RVD vs AJ Styles in a BFG Series Match
Tazz says some pretty stupid stuff while on commentary. He talked about how AJ and RVD hate each other, but quickly agrees with Mike Tenay and says they respect each other. That really makes no sense since they both play face and have not shown to have tension between one another. Great reporting Tazz. Then again, if you had to call this action every week, you would lose it too. Jerry Lynn is watching this match in the audience. This match was very forgettable. The finish comes when AJ hits the Pele Kick and is about to win, but Lynn jumps the guardrail (again? Security? ANYONE?) and pulls the ref under the ring. He DQs RVD and Styles earns only 3 points while RVD loses another 10 points. If you really think about it, it kinda makes no sense for RVD to lose points since he didn't cause the DQ, but it's TNA so let's move on. They continue to argue after the match while RVD apologizes to Styles. By the way, no mention of the Christopher Daniels proposal for a rematch. I guess TNA wrote too many storylines on the show to bring it up this week.
Winner via DQ: AJ Styles
Backstage where RVD and Lynn continue to argue while Lynn is upset with himself. You might as well turn Lynn heel right now. Another backstage scene where Flair is searching for Sting in what looks like the Forest Temple from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time since its so damn dark. Where the hell are those Poes to light up the damn room? Anyway, Flair is shouting for Sting to come out while we keep hearing footsteps while something keeps showing up from behind. This scene is supposed to look scary, but it looks more like a comedy scene. What is this, Scary Movie 10? Sting finally shows himself after about 3 minutes (This scene really went on a long time. Great use of time, TNA) and Flair tells Gunner to attack. Gunner goes in for the kill, but he fails and Sting takes him out while Flair runs away. The scene ends with Sting says Gunner will be something one day and to not touch him. Well, aren't those excellent words of wisdom. You nearly kill a guy and then tell him he will be something one day. Only in TNA. I just find it odd that Flair agrees to a match, but because Hogan is being a little bitch, he has to go all Solid Snake on the Stinger. Damn, TNA is a weird show when you break it down.
Another on location with Eric Young. This week, Young talks to various people in Hollywood since he's looking for Scott Baio, but isn't having much luck. Oh wow, TNA got Baio. What did they pay him, a sandwich and a sack of corn? This makes JWoww's appearance look like they booked Jennifer Aniston or Sandra Bullock. Scott Baio, what are you doing? This is just ridiculous. How much more worthless can you make the TV Championship? Just throw your midcard title in the dumpster already.
Back in the ring where Crimson's....going to talk? Yeah, it's about time TNA. It only took you 8 months. Anyway, Crimson limps to the ring to sell the Kurt Angle attack from last week. He calls out Angle. Once the champ is in the ring, Crimson says making him his first victim was a big mistake. While Crimson said he respects Angle, Kurt says he doesn't respect Crimson. He says Crimson is going nowhere and he's a green ass little bitch and he's sick of putting talent over since he's done that his entire career. Crimson says Angle's wrong because all of the young talent do respect him and claims he's already a somebody. He challenges Angle to a match next week and he will show he's damn real. Overall, this was probably the best scene of the night. This was the first time I've seen Crimson cut a lengthy promo and it wasn't too shabby. He needs work, but I think for a first timer he handled himself pretty well. If Crimson can polish up on some things, he can really be a big time player in the world of pro wrestling. The match will probably end up being a throwaway match since Crimson's a guy contending for the BFG Series. I personally think the match shouldn't happen since they should build up the championship match. Hence, save the actual match for the bigger stage, like your WM.
Match #5: Beer Money vs Mexican America for the TNA Tag Team Championships
This match was hyped up all night. The Jarretts were on commentary for this match. All they did was poke fun of the Guerreros, which I can't help but think Chavo Guerrero is coming to TNA. The matchup wasn't too bad....until the finish. The finish comes when BM is in control, but Rosita gets in the ring while Sarita is distracting the ref. Karen Jarrett gets on the ring apron and continues to distract the ref (TNA, just fire your security staff already cuz it looks ridiculous). Jeff Jarrett walks down there to "control" his wife and leaves his belt on the ring apron. Anarquia tosses James Storm out of the ring, but Robert Roode deals with him. Hernandez takes the AAA Championship and hits Roode with it. He gets rid of the evidence, pins Roode and we have new tag team champs. The show ends with Mex America and the Jarretts celebrating. Oh my God, where do I begin? First of all, why was this match so overbooked? Why do we need 20 interferences in one Mex America match? I understand they are heels and need to cheat, but all the extra help it makes these matches an eye sore. Second, the Jarretts/TNA need to stop with all the racist jokes. They are more offensive then they are funny. And third, why would the Jarretts help Mex America and vica versa? On last week's show, the Jarretts talked as if they disliked all Mexicans while Mex America don't like Americans. So, why would they work together now considering all the backtalk both groups have done to each other's cultures? I understand they are heels and its just heels being heels, but it at least has to make sense. To be fair, it actually does make a little bit of sense considering Immortal has had issues with 4Tune and were just trying to 1 up them, but this still needs a better explanation. As for Beer Money, it seems they will eventually break apart and go their separate ways. It would be a shame to see BM leave because they are one of my favorite tag teams, but it's time to start their singles careers. This tag team division is on life support in TNA. They have about as many tag teams as the WWE. What happened?
Winner via pinfall and NEW Tag Team Champs: Mexican America
TNA had some good opportunities to make a good show, but they screwed up their chances. Still, I didn't think it was THAT bad of a show. The main event was going ok, but they extra interferences made it hard to watch. The X Division Gauntlet Match should have been given a lot more time or should have been a one-on-one match since there was too many bodies in the ring. Still, there was some ok things for this week. Outside of Sting's shenanigans to open the show, I felt the opening promos between him and Flair were ok. I liked the Crimson/Angle face off since it finally showed off what Crimson can do on the mic. This was a lot better episode of Impact than I have seen in a while, but I still don't think I can recommend it. The action was really lacking with this one and you know it isn't a good sign when your KO match is the second best match of the night. Kinda odd that promos/segment is what helped this show since that's usually their weakness, but I guess that's the way it goes. What hurts this show is the silly/stupid moments. Lynn showing up an interfering doesn't make him look good and instead he looks more like an idiot. He has been wrestling for years, did he all of the sudden forget the rules to pro wrestling? Joe showed some passion and vowed to take out the BFG performers, but he didn't show up for the rest of the evening. Wouldn't it have made sense for Joe to attack RVD or Styles? Love and Winter had a really stupid backstage scene in which they were drinking blood. Oh, and let's not forget the Flair/Sting backstage attack. Where's all the lighting and why did it go on so long? This episode is another example of what I have said in the past. They have a lot of storylines that are green lighted on the show, but they only have two hours to get to them and they often either cram a show or don't address storylines for weeks. In fact, why hasn't Velvet Sky talked to ODB/Jacki? Why did nothing get addressed with the Styles/Daniels deal? Didn't Sting say he wanted the TNA Title for power? Why isn't he thinking about the title as opposed to the yellow and red? Sting talks as if the belt is about power or leverage, but now doesn't seem to care about it? You see what I mean? This show has about as many storylines as WWE, but WWE has an extra two hours to take their time. You can't just rush through these things or else your audience is going to have a tough time figuring out what's going on. I think what TNA should do is get rid of half of the storylines on this show or focus on 5-6 storylines and make those the best 5-6 storylines possible. If they did that, TNA would instantly be a more watchable show. Then again, maybe that isn't what they are going for? That's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review and tonight's show. If you hated this review........it's your fault. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show, see you next time and goofball pills?