WrestlingNerd Presents: WWE Raw Review 3/12/12 (Move to the Music)

What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today, we take a look at WWE Raw 3/12/12. How did the show go with music being added to the fray? Let's find out and start the review. 

We open up the show with John Cena. He comes out in his rapper gimmick and his "Word Life" theme. For one night, Cena looked like the Cena that got him to the top. He goes out there and cuts a rap. He compares the Rock to Lebron James. Did he just say Cleveland steamer? Well, that's just wrong. Keep you sick fetishes to yourself. I don't want to hear about this on my wrestling program. He also brought up Rock's wrist tattoo and how he will mess up his face after WM. Maybe Cena was serious about that Cleveland streamer? Overall, it was a trip down memory lane. Even though I am not a fan of rap music, I like what Cena does with this character. He showed that he still can work this character. I think many people on the internet like his version of Cena since he isn't too childish and can actually get in your face. I know a lot of people want to see this version of Cena on a weekly basis, but I wouldn't get used to it. I think if you listen closely, you can hear the IWC orgasm as they saw the version of Cena they want to see. Now that it classic Cena has shown himself, we'll never hear the end of the Cena/heel talk. 

Match #1: Dolph Ziggler vs Sheamus

Daniel Bryan was in the skybox. He was with his girlfriend, AJ. Josh Matthew interviews Bryan. The Yes Man says he never said anything bad towards AJ. Daniel would even ask AJ personally if he said anything out of line. She is almost scared of him and says no. Hey, if I saw him doing this….

I would be a little intimidated myself. That last one scared me. Anyway, Bryan cancels the interview and claims he treats AJ with respect. I'm a bit disappointed with this scene. This was a golden opportunity for WWE to show Bryan and AJ dining on some special vegan diet. Now we'll never know the secrets to his craft!!! The match itself was pretty good. It was given the most about of time and I felt both guys looked good at the end of the day. That giant, red marking Sheamus received was brutal. Sheamus used to talk about the fiery red hand. Would this be the fiery red hand's distant cousin? The finish comes when Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the clean victory. Dolph has been losing a lot lately. Once again, so much talent in this company, but just not enough spots for everyone to shine. Oh well. I still think Dolph will have a big year, but it's going to be after WM. Bryan didn't go around saying, "yes" so that makes me a little depressed. 

Winner via pinfall: Sheamus

It was announced that it will be Team Teddy Long vs Team John Laurinaitis at WM. Each team will have six people on their side. The winner gets to control of both shows and their choice of cuisine. Okay, I made up that last one, but could you imagine? It seems we are getting ready for a mixed tag match involving Santino and Aksana, but Laurinaitis wants to change things up. He makes it a handicap match since robots don't like Italians. That crafty bastard. Oh, and check out the Aksana speed walk….Oh yeah. 

Match #2: Santino vs David Otunga and Mark Henry; Handicap match

We find out that Santino will be Teddy's team captain in the WM match. The team captain for Johnny Five's team will be Otunga. An Italian vs a lawyer. You know, I always wondered what would happen if you crossed Super Mario and Phoenix Wright. Teddy arrives to get Aksana out of harm's way and push Johnny to the ground. I like how Johnny doesn't even bother to get up right away after he got pushed down. He was probably busy sending another text message. Santino gets killed in this match. The finish comes when Henry does a surprise tag and hits the World's Strongest Slam for the victory. In case we get more comments about how there was no tag in a match, I double-checked and Henry did tag himself in. So……there you go. After the match, Kofi Kinston and R-Truth arrive to help Santino, but Henry was too much to overcome. Henry takes them both out. Johnny announces that Henry is the newest member of his team. That doesn't really shock me since Henry has very little going for him. I think Kofi and Truth punched their ticket in the process. In fact, here's my prediction for Laurinaitis' team. It will be Otunga, Henry, Christian, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph and Biff Tannen. I'll be shocked if I get all of those correct. 

Winner via pinfall: Mark Henry and David Otunga

Backstage with Zack Ryder and Eve. Ryder says the kiss was something he had never felt before. I'm guessing that would be shame and hand lotion. Ryder questions if Eve's tricking him, but she has a different idea. She wants to be Ryder's friend……with benefits. Cena is so busy with the Rock that he's not paying any attention to his "friend". Ryder agrees to go along with this because…..Well, do you really need a reason? Beth Phoenix arrives and feels insulted that Maria Menounos, from Extra, talked to other divas. Menounos just can't seem to keep away from the WWE spotlight. Beth says she will pay her a visit. Eve says that it's a great idea. Once Ryder leaves, Beth wonders if Eve would be fine with pulling Ryder's strings, but she doesn't like that idea. That ending sequence was just weird. So, do both ladies want to toy around with Ryder? It's gotta be the headband. It's the only logical explanation. There was another backstage scene. Laurinaitis is on the phone with someone until the Miz shows up and wants to talk to Johnny. Laurinaitis gets off the phone and says that was from the Board of Directors. Miz questions why he's not on the WM card. Miz is with James Roday. Laurinaitis makes it simply for the Miz. If the Miz can win his match tonight, he's on Johnny's team at WM. He also says Roday will be the special guest ring announcer for the match. Miz will go up against CM Punk tonight. Once the Miz leaves, Johnny asks Roday if he can tell him the actual outcome of the match. I guess Roboinaitis thought he was talking to Mewtwo for a moment. Roday tells him he's not a psychic. That was either a poorly written joke or it wasn't executed by everyone involved. Then again, Laurinaitis is part of the scene. 

Match #3: Brodus Clay vs Jinder Mahal

Ladies and gentlemen, Funky Kong is back in the house. I've been wondering where he's at. Hey, he's the only remaining Funkasaurus left. You can't afford to lose him now. Where has Brodus been lately? Cue the dirt sheet readers in 3……2……1……..and…….GO!!! In all seriousness, I try to stay away from dirt sheet reporting since I want to review what I see on TV, not some rumor that could be false. This was a short match. Brodus won with the Funk It. I wonder what Brodus will do at WM? Either he will do some type of dance-off, or he will be on Teddy's team. Jinder grew a beard, but beards don't help you grow charisma. It's funny how Brodus' dance routines last longer than his matches. Actually, I made a mistake. Brodus won with a splash. MY BAD!!!

Winner via pinfall: Brodus Clay

Shawn Michaels arrives and has something to say. He says he has talked to various people and  nobody told him he was a loser/failure. So, he starts to think the only person who started that rumor was Undertaker. He calls out the Deadman. Taker says Triple H is the one feeding him those lines, not him. The two go back and forth for a while. It boiled down to HBK thinking he can finally get some retribution for losing to Taker, while Taker doesn't want HBK to play favorites and call the match right down the middle. Taker says if HBK doesn't, he will make him pay……again. What's he gonna do? Force him to retire again? Oh no, not the Brett Favre effect? AHHHHHHHH!!! Anyway, HBK heads to the back, but bumps into Trips. The two look at each other, but Shawn leaves. Trips does the DX crotch chop while Taker looks angry. Either that or Taker just farted and is smelling the after effects. I think I mentioned last week that HBK could be thinking about screwing over Taker since this would be his second chance to end the streak. Or would it be his third chance? This Taker/Trips match doesn't have as much fuel and fire as last year. I still don't like the addition of HBK as the special ref, but it could end up being a good thing. Oh, and I think Taker said April 21st as opposed to April 1st. I guess we know how Taker will lose this streak. He will show up on the wrong day and lose via no show. What a way for it to end. It was a trolling shtick that WWE has been setting up for over 20 years. It all makes sense. 

Match #4: CM Punk vs Miz

Roday does the in-ring introductions. He was playing it up as much as he can. This guy was strange and abnormal…..I like him. Hey, at least he's trying to have some fun. I can respect that. This match didn't last long. It was a fair match, but nothing to write home about. The finish comes when Punk applies the Anaconda Vice for the submission victory. Oh no, Miz won't be representing a robot at WM. How will we move on with our lives? After the match, Chris Jericho gets on the titantron and talks. Jericho says he knows the truth behind Punk's straight edge lifestyle. Jericho says Punk's father is an alcoholic. Jericho say alcohol is in Punk's blood and Punk will eventually turn into his father and start drinking. Jericho says he will take away the WWE title at WM and it will force Punk to start drinking. Once Jericho is done talking, Punk is almost shocked and sadly walks away. Instead of embracing the hate, it's embrace the drink. This is an interesting twist to the Punk/Jericho storyline. I've done some research and it does seem that Punk's real father did have some drinking problems. In fact, Punk has talked about this in the past, but I don't think he has ever mentioned it in his WWE tenure. I know some people don't like it when you bring real-life elements into the storyline, but if both parties agree to it, I tend to be okay with it. Punk and Jericho played their roles well tonight. Punk showed a glimpse of doubt while Jericho comes off as an asshole. I think things are really going to start heating up between the two. This s*** just got real. GOT REAL!!!

Winner via submission: CM Punk

Match #5: Randy Orton vs Jack Swagger

WWE showed a recap of the Kane/Orton deal from the last few weeks. Remember the scene where Randy said, "Good to be back". If you look at Kane's face, he was wiping away something. Randy must have had a Sylvester the Cat moment when he spoke so closely to Kane. Suffering succotash. Stop spitting at me!!! Jack Tannen pretty much gets the crap kicked out of him. Randy hits RKO and it's over. Not only does Swagger look like Biff Tannen, but he also acts like him. Tannen never won at the end of the day. After the match, Kane's pyro goes off and……that's it. I know this is a bad thing to say, but I almost imagine Randy getting set on fire. Imagine him running around and saying, "HELP ME. I'M ON FIRE!!!". Maybe it can be invisible fire? Oh, and did anyone see the Law Office of David Otunga video? That's stupid and funny at the same time. It's nice to know that I have options on Twitter in case things get rough. 

Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton

Time for the final segment of the night. We led off with Marky Mark and the Funk Bunch (and no Funkasaurus? We got ripped off), so now it's time for the Rock to jam out with his acoustic guitar.  He talks about how Cena is the bastard child of Vanilla Ice and a Teletubby. So THAT'S where those colorful shirts came from? Son of a bitch!!! Anyway, the Rock pretty much comes up with every reason to insult Cena. Rock really shows his musical talents by playing the same chords all night long. Hey, that's one more chord than Justin…..Eh, that's too easy. Overall, it was pretty hilarious. King and Cole laughing at some of the bits definitely helped. I know some people might not like these segments, but I think it was just about having a fun time. I'm just here to have a good time and I was enjoying the hell out of this. I think some people are getting tired of Rock and Cena feud since it's the same thing every week. Both insult each other and that's pretty much it. Still, some of these bits have been entertaining. I still think some people tend to take stuff way too seriously. I know I don't, and I'm supposed to be the "reviewer". Then again, I always encourage people to have a sense of humor and have some fun with the program. Wrestling has always had it's silly moments. And don't give me this crap in how it's become all about comedy since the PG era. Comedy and pro wrestling have gone together since the 80s, so……nice try. I definitely recommend you check out both the rap and rock bits. There were entertaining and funny. 

Overall Impression:

I thought tonight's Raw was a lot of fun. The wrestling quality was better than last week and I enjoyed a lot of the segments this week. I wasn't a fan of everything that was featured tonight, but the show did make me laugh. It also had some compelling/interesting moments, especially with Jericho questioning Punk's drive to remain straight edge. I really hope that's something they continue to dive into since I think it can make for some interesting promo work. Like I said earlier, I can see some people are getting tired of the Rock/Cena stuff since they are pretty much doing the same thing. They change it up slightly, but it's mostly the same. It's probably getting old for some people, so I can understand some people not liking this segments. I'm kinda on the fence on this matter. At the same time, if it can be funny, I'm usually okay with it. I was entertained by the Rock/Cena bits this week, so it gets a pass in my book. That's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show. See you next time.