WrestlingNerd Presents: WWE Raw 8/12/13 Review (John Cena is denied a bitch-slap)

What up wrestling fans, I'm the WrestlingNerd bringing you another written review. Today we take a look at WWE Raw 8/12/13. How does the 'go home' edition of Raw fare? Let's find out and start the review. 

Let's get this show on the road!

We open up the show with Daniel Bryan vs Wade Barrett. Brad Maddox is the guest referee for this match. So, the man who started his career as a crooked referee has placed himself in this match? Gee, I can't see anything going wrong here! Sure enough, Maddox gives a count faster than the Micro Machine guy and Wade is victorious. The purpose of this match was to build the Cena/Bryan match and nothing more. There was a lot more to cover regarding the main event for SS, but in due time. Wade probably had to give up his weekly check in order to get this victory. In other news, Randy Orton defeated Damien Sandow thanks to the power of almost stealing. In all seriousness, this was a pretty good match between Orton and Sandow. It does continue the elevation of Orton while progressing things between Damien and Porn Star Rhodes. 

Undercard 1

So, Dean Ambrose isn't concerned with the participants in the battle royal unless it's Andre the Giant's ghost. So, did WWE perform a human sacrifice to bring back Andre? Actually, an Andre ghost sounds pretty cool right now. We created God so we could great this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The mixed-tag match was very awkward. You would think Big E/AJ would get the victory, but Khali and Natalya ended up getting the win. My guess is this victory for Natalya is gonna push her towards something, but that's not what I have a problem with. In fact, I like the fact Natalya got the victory over the Divas Champ since she that could be the next rivalry for the divas title, but what the hell was up with the finish? AJ taps out and the ref does nothing while he clearly saw it. This is when they literally stall until they redo the ending again. What, did he fall asleep during this part? Did he pick up an official tip from Maddox? Hell, I bet Maddox could've done better. Needless to say, that was an ugly finish. Maybe for the future, they could just have the referees hold the script in their hands while calling these matches. It would cause less confusion. 

Worthwhile Miz TV segment?

Might as well talk about the entire Daniel/Cena deal in one shot. Vince McMahon calls out Maddox for screwing up the call earlier this evening, so he punishes the GM by granting him the special guest referee spot for the SummerSlam match, proving that all you need to do is f*** things up in order to get a promotion. Before it can become official, Triple H interrupts the segment and puts himself as the guest referee for the match. After a Pedigree to Maddox, the segment ends with Vince throwing a fit. You think that with Vince having more power than Trips, he would just say '…..NO…..No, you're aren't the referee. In fact, you're fired. Why didn't I do this sooner?' Of course it doesn't make much sense, but it goes to show the differences between Vince and Trips at the moment. I just had a thought. This most likely won't happen, but what if Trips screwed over Bryan and sided with Vince by the end of SS? It would definitely add a twist to things, but I doubt this would even be considered. Later on in the night, Miz TV featured John Cena and Daniel Bryan. Miz has pretty much become the Ryan Seacrest of the WWE. Seriously, he was a wrestler? You almost forget the fact he was WWE Champion at one point. I don't really want to go into detail on what was said during this segment, but I'll just say that regardless of what type of wrestling fan you are, you gotta watch this segment. The promo work between Cena and Bryan was pure gold and it was refreshing to see Cena step away from the same 3-4 promos he usually cuts and tries to be a little more edgy with his work. Bryan was no slouch with his promo either and continues to show the heart of an underdog. I've been sold on this match for weeks and this only made me more excited for the contest. Although, I find it funny how Cena was begging Bryan to slap him in the face. He really wanted a slap in the face. Slap me, Bryan! Slap me in the face! Slap me hard! I wanna feel the pain! I want you to hurt me Bryan and then slap my ass… Oh s***, is this mic still on?

Undercard 2

After the continued burial of Prime Time Players, the Wyatt family confront Kane. During the long entrance of the Wyatt family, Kane had a smart move and simply got out of the ring. Yeah, it makes you think why nobody else thought to do this. I just figured out the rematch between Kane and Bray Wyatt. Kane vs Bray in a Ring of LED Light match. That will surely be a classic. The match between Alberto Del Rio and Kofi Kingston was fun to watch. I enjoyed it for what it was worth. Del Rio wins with the Cross Armbreaker since we forgot to give Kofi a motive for his return. But let's not forget… He's wearing pants now, that's most important. In other news, Antonio Cesaro has official become Zeb Coulter's favorite superhero, Captain Murica. Seriously, why is he using the flag as a cape? Unfortunately, not even Captain Murica can help Almost Real Americans defeat the Usos. Yeah, kinda funny how this has become a mini-feud of sorts. 

US Championship Battle Royal

We now return to Dancing, R-Truth, Seizure-Attacks…

The next match of the night was a 20-man Battle Royal to determine who will get a US Championship shot. There's no Andre the Giant ghost…

But there was a number of worthy participates in this match. What I enjoyed was seeing Ryback and RVD in the ring at the same time…

RVD: I like your ring attire. It reminds me a lot of my gear… Actually, it looks similar to my gear… A lot like my gear… That bitch stole my gear!!!

RVD becomes the #1 Contender to the Unites States Championship, while Mark Henry wins the consolation prize in getting a free Subway meal. After the match, Shield is about to attack RVD and Henry until Big Show makes his 5000th face turn. Earlier in the night, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns were calling out any two challengers for their tag titles. It would seem Henry and Show have answered that challenge. I'm not sure how I feel about that. The idea of Henry and Show being a tag team just seems odd in my book. I don't have a problem with the pairing, but they just don't look like a team. It's like they drew names out of hat and figured, 'Well, why the hell not'. 

The BROCK LESNAR segment

That might be my favorite Brock Lesnar line ever. The final segment of the night was the CM Punk/Paul Heyman 'match'. I liked the backstage segment where Paul was telling Curtis Axel he's having second thoughts, but I don't think he was talking about the match. He was having second thoughts about them. It's not me… It's you. To add to the Heyman romance, Paul blames the WWE Universe for stealing Punk from him. Awwww, so THIS is what it's all about. At the end of the day, he's really jealous over the fact that they took Punk away from him. It kinda makes you feel sad for the guy. I just want my friend back! Why did you do this to me!? If I can't have him, nobody will!!! Like an idiot, Heyman admits there's a trap and basically informs you on how the plan's gonna work. Tactical genius or moron? You be the judge on that one. As Heyman and BROCK LESNAR are talking in the ring, Heyman claims that BROCK LESNAR is his friend, BROCK LESNAR will be the downfall of CM Punk, and BROCK LESNAR will destroy your hero… BROCK LESNAR. Good thing Heyman was here or else I would've forgotten his name. CM Punk attacks from behind by hitting BROCK LESNAR with a camera. Here's your close-up, bitch!!! Heyman is really making me laugh in tonight's episode. After seeing the destruction of BROCK LESNAR, Heyman screams 'Oh my God!!!' once he realizes there's no more protection for him. It was the facial expression that really made this funny. Heyman finally runs away from the fight until Curtis shows up to fight off Punk. The show ends with Punk hitting the GTS on Curtis, BROCK LESNAR looking on, and Heyman high-tailing it all the way to Los Angeles. I thought this was also a fun segment that continues to build up the match. I'm looking forward to the contest and I think it should be a lot of fun. 

Overall Impression:

I thought the Punk/Heyman and Miz TV segment make this show worth checking out. Even tonight's matches were decent to sit through… For the most part. I really thought this was a good episode of Raw and continues to build up what could be a great SummerSlam PPV. I'm really looking forward to what happens on Sunday and if the hype matches the quality of the show, we could be witnessing a true gem on our hands. That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you thought of my review or tonight's show. I will see you guys and girls in the next one.