A fair warning to people. Now, it's pretty custom for TNA to have really long openings after a PPV or a show dedicated to a lot of talking. To be fair, WWE does this as well after a PPV or a big developing storyline. Even with that said, what the hell was TNA thinking? I will explain this as I move forward. Then again, I can already see the TNA fans already lining up several messages and complaints towards me since in their eyes, TNA can do no wrong. Anyway, we open up the show with Sting. He talks about getting this company back to Dixie Carter and bringing back the real Hulk Hogan. He restates everything he just said and finally introduces the real Hogan. Hulk comes out in the traditional yellow and red. The Impact Zone is going nuts for Hogan making his 40th face turn. Damn, you think Hogan walks slow to the ring? Well, take a look at this? Hogan is hobbling to the ring. Can't you give him a wheelchair or a skateboard to get there faster? Come on, we only have a two hour show. Hogan talks about how he has done a lot of wrong for the last year. He said Eric Bischoff persuaded him to do a lot of bad things, but he blames himself. He thanks Sting for making him realize the truth. In fact, Hogan was so fond of Sting that he thanked him two more times. Are you noticing a theme here? Hogan finally leaves the ring and Sting now calls out Dixie to the ring. We also hit our first commercial break. If you check out my reviews on a weekly basis, you know I have a habit of talking about the entire opening scene and then expressing my thoughts. Well, I am going to break down the opening into four parts. If you watched the show, you will see why I had to do this. I expected there to be a scene in which Hogan expresses how he screwed up yet again and how he turned on the fans, but realizes he was wrong and is now a good guy again. So far, this part of the opening seems harmless. It wasn't great, but I think nostalgia/Hogan marks are going ape s*** for this part. By the way, a TNA Best of Jeff Hardy Volume Two on DVD? That's hilarious since you can argue most of his best moments are with the other company.
Back from our first commercial break, we are back with a continuation of the opening segment. Sting says this is her company once again, but this would've never happened if Dixie listened to Sting 18 months ago. Sting talks about how he loves working for TNA and Dixie cannot allow for another takeover of her company once more. Dixie apologizes for not listening to Sting and says even though she has the company, she needs to do stuff in the front office and ask if Sting would be interested in handling the day to day operations of TNA. Sting eventually accepts the position until Kurt Angle interrupts. We go to a second commercial break during this part. By the way, if you are keeping track at home, this opening is at about 20 plus minutes. Again, it might be long, but WWE has had openings of that length before, so I can't fault the company......YET!!!
Back from another commercial and Kurt is going off in how he hates the fact Dixie and Sting are back in control of things. Even though they are back in power, Kurt is still the champ, despite how TNA was giving Robert Roode the extra screen time. Kurt does have a point here. TNA was building up Roode's march into BFG as if it was the second coming of Jesus. Anyway, Roode arrives and talks about how Kurt cheated in order to keep the title. He said what Angle did at BFG was bulls***. You know, I have no idea if Roode is expressing his thoughts or giving the response people had who watched BFG? Come on, it's only a joke. Besides, I already said BFG wasn't that bad, just a bit disappointing. Anyway, Sting steps in since he is basically the GM of this show and wants to make it Roode vs Angle for the TNA World Title tonight. Kurt starts to laugh and states when Roode signed the title match contract, Bischoff put a special stipulation in which Roode would only get ONE match against Angle. Angle says Immortal did this because they realize Roode is a threat. Angle is about to quote James Storm until Storm arrives. We go into a third commercial break. Let me state that again. We are still in the opening and it isn't not over yet. This opening ate up three commercial breaks. One commercial break is okay. Two commercial breaks is pushing it, but it can be acceptable depending on the situation, but three? Damn, do you think that was enough? If your opening segment has to go into commercial break three times, it's too f***ing long!!!
So, we are back from commercial (or a brain aneurysm) and Storm says if Roode can't challenge for the title, maybe he should get a shot. Angle says there is ten guys who deserve a shot at the title. I know this is typical heel thought process, but ten other guys in TNA better than Storm? You would have to start pulling people out of your ass for fill that list. Sting tells Kurt to shut up and it will be Angle vs Storm for the World Title tonight, which FINALLY ends the scene. Anyone who is still here deserves a standing ovation...
Come on, TNA. That seemed like an endurance test. Reckon, WWE has had some long openings during it's days, but 40 plus minutes? That's right, 40 minutes. Oh, and now that I am on this, I bet those TNA marks are already getting ready to show me clips, scenes, and/or moments of when WWE did ridiculously long openings from 1-2 years back. Seriously, some of them might even go as far back as 10 years ago. To those people who will start with those types of complaints....
Save it, because I just don't care. I don't care what happened then. That was then, this is now; and this was just madness. No wrestling show should ever push 40 plus minutes to get through their opening. Not only that, but 40 minutes and not one shot of some action during this part. 40 minutes is just ridiculous and you know it. I am sure WWE has done it, but it isn't coming into mind at the moment. Then again, I don't care. I look at this opening and they could've easily taken a break in the middle of it. In fact, after Dixie and Sting were done talking, they could have ended the scene and put on a match. Then they could've had Angle come out bitching about Dixie and Sting. Hell, Dixie doesn't have to show up for this part since she barely said anything towards Angle during this bit. At some point, Sting could have shown up on the entrance ramp and made the championship match. I think that's what they should have done so they could give people a break from the heavy amount of talking. Reckon pro wrestling is storytelling and storytelling is best expressed through promos and segments; however, we need a break from that and need to start showing some wrestling action. Oh, and there was a backstage scene where Hogan ran into Immortal and Bischoff. They were about to attack him, but they want to face him in the ring later. Oh, that will be fun.....
Match #1: Tara and Miss Tessmacher vs Angelina Love and Winter for the KO Tag Team Titles
So, let me get this straight? After a 40 minute opening, you are going to open up with a KO match?
Again, I want to be the guy who can be positive for TNA every week, but how can I with planning like this? To be fair, the match was tolerable for KO standards. The match lasted about 3 minutes. Because of the long opening, we are going to be keeping a tab on the Wrestling Matters Time Limit this evening. Tessmacher wins the match with a crossbody for the win. Why do these belts still exist? They are barely on the show and nobody seems to care about the titles. Heck, even Mike Tenay and Tazz have no idea what to say to these unholy signs of abomination. That should be a cue to get rid of them.
Winner via pinfall and still KO Tag Titles: Tara and Tessmacher
Back in the ring with the Jarretts. Jeff Jarrett calls out Jeff Hardy. Jarrett talks about how Hardy has been a screw up all his life and how he doesn't want him here in TNA. Hardy says the fans want him and he thinks Jarrett is jealous because he will never be bigger than Hardy. The two start to fight. Security arrives to break it up. Referees and road agents arrive to get involved as well. For some stupid reason, there was a face off between agents Al Snow and D'Lo Brown. I guess we are supposed to care since some people are siding with Hardy and some with Jarrett, which I can understand. Ever wonder how D'Lo Brown's head hasn't popped off his neck yet? He really is the human bobblehead. This scene ends with Jarrett sneaking in a kick to the balls on Hardy. This scene wouldn't have bothered me so much if it wasn't a re-hash of the Jarrett/Hardy scene at BFG. So, a 40 minute opening, a 3 minute KO match, and a replay of the same brawl from the PPV a few days ago? Oh yeah, PLEASE tune into Impact Wrestling for more of this....
Oh, and there was a backstage scene with Jersey Shore rip off, Rob Terry, and Eric Young. Robbie E wants another shot at the TV belt while Eric needs to talk to Sting to okay this. He also says if Terry gets involved, he has connections with some idiot from Jersey Shore. If this is a possible angle where another Jersey Shore cast member appears on TNA, how does TNA keep getting these people? Oh well, I guess it's publicity. Now if you excuse me, time to jump off of something....
Match #2: Gunner vs Abyss
Gunner cuts a promo in how Abyss is trash and how you have to prove yourself in Immortal. Damn, Gunner makes no impression on the mic. More of that, please? This match might have been shorter than the KO match. So, I guess we will move the Wrestling Matters Time Limit to roughly 6 minutes. Gunner didn't seem to be able to do anything now that Abyss has lost it. Abyss goes on a mean steak and Gunner ends up walking out of the match. Wow, a countout. This is just screaming for more people to watch TNA. I can see some people liking this part, but Abyss is like Kane in so many ways. Even when you turn them face, they have been around so long that some people will just not care anymore, similar to Kane.....sorry, fans of Kane. There was a short backstage scene in which Gunner was explaining to the rest of Immortal that maybe they should keep Abyss with them because of his new attitude. Bischoff says they will deal with Abyss at another time because they need to deal with Hogan tonight. Why do I get the feeling Hogan and Abyss will reform their pack. Oh no, not Abyssamania again!!!!!
Winner via countout: Abyss
Back in ring for more promos. What, you expected another wrestling match? Velvet talks about winning the KO title and thanks the support of her fans until Karen Jarrett arrives with Traci. This is one of the things that doesn't make any sense. If Dixie and Sting are controlling this company, how can they allow for Karen to do this sort of thing? Maybe they just don't care? Anyway, Karen thought about firing them both, but wants to make their lives a living hell. She tells security to take Traci out of the arena and she will deal with her later. Once that has been dealt with, she addresses Velvet. She even thought about stripping her of the title. Damn, Vince McMahongina must be dealing with a personal matter to be this much of a bitch. She says this person will deal with her. Madison Rayne walks to the ring very slowly as Velvet waits and isn't aware of what's happening behind her....
Out from behind, Gail Kim makes her return to TNA and attacks Velvet. Madison joins in the attack. This scene ends with the heels standing tall. Well, Gail Kim is back in TNA. Are you really surprised? Her return doesn't really mean anything for this company. I bet the IWC would like to differ.
Back in the ring for......more promos? Are you serious? This time, it's Bischoff and Immortal. He calls out the Hulkster. We have had more Hogan appearances tonight than total wrestling time. What does that say about this show? Bischoff wants to know how Hogan could turn his back on Immortal and Bischoff. Bischoff was also upset that Hogan interfered between Bischoff and his own son. Hogan says Garrett Bischoff (aka: referee Jackson James) is more of a man than his own father. Bischoff punches Hogan, but of course Hogan no sells it. He is about ready to attack until Immortal arrives to do a group attack. Sting arrives in a hurry with two baseball bats, one for him and Hogan. Immortal runs away like a bunch of pussies. During this time, Bischoff is shouting Joe Peschi talk until Garrett is standing behind his father. He sees his son and talks about how much of an embarrassment he is. Garrett punches his father. Does this mean Garrett will be getting a bigger role with this company? Then again, does anyone really care anymore? All I know is with all the talking scenes TNA has done tonight, your brain can easily be mush at this point. Oh, and Roode gave a speech towards Storm in order to fire him up for his world title match. I have to be honest, this was the best promo I've heard all night long. Good job.
Match #3: Kurt Angle vs James Storm for the TNA World Title
That's right folks, only three matches this evening. I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or start swearing. The match was a total joke. Angle gets a couple of shots, then Storm sneaks in the Super Kick out of nowhere and wins the match. We have a new world champion. The place is going nuts as Storm has finally gotten the brass ring. He celebrates in the audience for a while until Roode, Kaz, and AJ Styles arrive with beer to celebrate. Storm talks about how this was a long journey to get to the top, but Roode is his best friend and he wants to give the championship to him. Roode looks at it for a while and says while it looks nice, Storm deserves this. The show ends with more 4Tune celebrating as Storm is crowned the new world champion.
Winner via pinfall and NEW TNA World Champion: James Storm
Now, normally I would complain or bring up the fact the match was short. Well, Kurt was banged up going into the match against Roode at BFG. It also turns out he left that match in worse shape. If you watched this match, you would see Angle's leg taped up. That basically told me the match was cut short because of the safety of Kurt. In that case, I actually commend TNA for making the match short. The guy is already banged up and you don't want to make things worse for him, so it made sense to do what they did. I would have love to see a longer match between the two. In fact, I know the two can put forth a good wrestling match, but the safety of the wrestlers needs to come first. As for Storm winning the title I.....like it. I have said in the past that I am a big James Storm fan. The guy has a great character, good charisma, solid catchphrase, and a good wrestler. Really, he's a complete package and interesting to watch. I have been saying for a long time that I felt Storm is a lot better than Roode. Nothing against Roode because he's good too, but I just think Storm is the more complete talent. Now we can see a little more clearly as to why Roode lost at BFG (To a degree that is). I think what they were doing after the BFG Series wasn't to focus on Roode, but to focus on both Roode and Storm. During the time in which TNA was investing a lot of stock in Roode, they were slowly working on Storm as well. Reckon, this entire thing wasn't done perfectly (Storm could've used a few more matches. And not using him at BFG was a mistake). If they felt Storm was the more complete talent, they they should've had him win the BFG Series back when they had the chance, but I think they wanted to establish both Beer Money members. With Angle injured, Roode still having plenty of stock, and Storm as the new world champion, this opens the door for a couple of things. We can see Storm vs Roode in a friendly fashion....at least at first. I think at some point, one of them will turn heel and based on how things have played out, logic shows that Roode would be the one to turn heel. I was looking back at what happened to Roode at BFG and I asked myself, "Can Roode walk away from this stronger than before?". I think if done correctly, he can walk away from this better than before. What I want to see TNA do now that they have made this move is to give both Roode and Storm the proper exposure to turn them into complete main eventers. I may have been disappointed with how TNA handled Roode at BFG (You have to admit that people were expecting the payoff, which is why people were angry), but they might be better now they before. It is just a shame Storm's title victory happened on a night were it was likely possible a lot of viewers stopped watching the show because of the massive amounts of promos. Then again, this was the payoff for all the crap you had to sit through tonight. That has to be worth something, right?
Overall Impression:
In terms of the overall show.....IT WAS F***ING AWFUL!!! Let's take a final look at the Wrestling Matters Time Limit. This show didn't hit anywhere near 10 minutes. It was about 7-8 minutes of actual wrestling tonight. For a two hour wrestling show, that is a joke and TNA should be ashamed of themselves for allowing so little action for one night. They could have saved some of the segments for next week. The Hardy/Jarrett scene had no business on the show since it was a replay of what happened at BFG, so they could have done away with that and put forth another match or two. They could have saved the KO segment for next week. I realize promos and storylines are very important to a wrestling show, but there has to be a better balance. Even you, TNA marks, have you believe that only 8 minutes of wrestling tonight was ridiculous. Then again, TNA fans are very defensive about their product, at least that's what I've learn for writing reviews for the last year. With that said, you might think I hated this show. With Storm winning the world title, I think it was worth sitting through this pretty bad episode. It's kinda like watching a really bad action film, but waiting til the end for the mother of all climaxes. That's what I felt after tonight because I really enjoyed the ending of this show. I didn't like the match, but it is forgivable because Kurt has a legit injury and they needed to do something. I think Storm can be a great world champion and I still think things are not completely done with Roode as of yet. I think both guys have big things coming, which is good for the sake of this company. I am interested to see where Storm's championship victory leads to. See, I am interested in a storyline TNA is doing. Yeah, I must hate TNA, even though I practically say every week I want this company to succeed *rolls eyes*. I still can't recommend the show because there was just too much talking going on tonight, but Storm winning the title at least makes it worthwhile. Still, I don't recommend watching the whole show and just the final segment. I can see some people defending this show. If they want to, there's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, that's going to do it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, tell me what you thought of my review and tonight's show. I will see what I can do about Smackdown this week. I will see you guys and girls on the next WrestlingNerd show, see you next time and sorry about your damn luck!!!
"Again, I want to be the guy who can be positive for TNA every week, but how can I with" yadda yadda yadda
ReplyDeleteover a year I have been reading your reviews. 1st grade grammar aside, you go into every TNA review expecting to hate it. So much for objective journalism.
If you really have been following me for a year, then you would know I don't go into any review expecting to hate TNA. If I did that, I wouldn't even bother watching it. I am a wrestling fan and I do want to see the company succeed, but this company has flaws. WWE does have its flaws, but they tend to put together a more watchable product.
ReplyDeleteAnd you accuse me of being harsh to TNA? Clearly, you haven't seen the other websites, who practically tear TNA a new one every week. At least I am a little more fair.